beckoningchasm

Pot Luck

Again, Holly is presented as a person with the keen observational powers of cement. “Starbuck Jones #115” she said, thumbing through comics, suddenly realizing that the words she had just spoken had a kind of meaning to her! Amazing.

Back when this whole “collecting comics” arc started, I made the assumption that Tom Batiuk was going to present something that would be meaningful and enjoyable to the folks in his audience who liked collecting comics. But time after time, I have to wonder if he’s insulting them instead. We were told this issue was the rarest of the rare, but twice now it’s been easily found among loose boxes of “ordinary” comics. This one doesn’t even look like it’s in a plastic bag or anything. So, much as I went on at some length about how Les’ Hollywood experiences were nothing at all like how the real world works, comic book fans must have the urge to do the same right about now.

It’s hard to think of anything in this strip where someone would say, “Wow, that’s so true!”

Other than, “The Funky Winkerbean cast is composed of unpleasant morons,” that is.

By the way, I think I’ve solved the Starbuck Jones #1 paradox. When it was originally published it was nothing special, and teen Funky bought it. Then fifty years later, it became really valuable in time for…for whatever happened to save Comic Head John or Montoni’s or whatever. I don’t know the story.

But then, a couple of years after that happened, an entire medical supply warehouse full of unopened boxes of Starbuck Jones #1 was found in Louisville, Kentucky, and the issue became pretty much worthless. (They found the boxes right next to the 245-Trioxin canisters.)

I think I put more thought into that than some people I could name.

To Each According to Her Needs

Link to today’s strip.

Hi folks, BChasm back for another round in the Fungeon. Let me start by saying that I like this guy’s booth — “Buying Comics” with a dollar sign on the right and presumably on the left. No beating around the bush for this guy! If you’re into buying comics, well, he’s your man.

Of course, except for eBay and the one she got for a dollar, Holly’s not into buying comics at all. So even if this guy has what she wants, she’ll either expect the issue for free because her son is in the service, or (as seems most likely given this universe) bemoan the unfairness of it all. Paying money for comic books? Why, the very idea!

The main takeaway from today’s strip, or any that feature Holly for that matter, is how relentlessly Tom Batiuk needs to display her…well, for lack of a better phrase, bottomless stupidity. We’re been told over and over that her purpose in attending Comic Con is to get one specific issue of one specific comic. How hard could it be to remember “Starbuck Jones 115”? I can remember it, and I haven’t even gone back to yesterday’s comic to look!

And yet…Holly has a list. A list, you’ll note, with four entries.

I suspect that list reads like this:

STAR

BUCK

JONES

#115

Yeah, I get the idea that she has a list so that Tom Batiuk can display some “clever” word-play. It seems to me that if, in order to seem clever, you have to make your characters dumber than rocks, something is wrong with the equation.

Bonus fun: place your thumb so that Holly’s hair is covered. Oh my God, that’s Funky Winkerbean’s profile!

It’s What’s For Lunch

Link To Today’s Strip

Well, I figured last week’s light-hearted, rather positive view wouldn’t last. Still, it was fun while it lasted. It may never happen again, but the fact that it did means that it might.

Today, the joke has been done before and better in this same strip. I think it was done just a couple of months ago, though the “better” didn’t come into play then.

I’m not sure what else there is to say; the only personality these students have tends to be somewhat loathsome, so I can’t really sympathize with their plight. If there’s anyone in whose corner I find myself, it’s the lunch-lady, once again having to deal with these cement-heads.

I thought Glasses (I can’t remember who’s who) was supposed to be the smarter of the two, so I’m puzzled by his use of the word “landed.” Is there a food fight going on, with various flying objects zizzing around? Does he think erasers are self-propelled, or that they’re manned by a tiny crew of aliens? What the heck is a “cheese square” anyway–does the cafeteria just drop a brick of cheese onto a plate and say “There you go”? Actually, I imagine that’s exactly what they do in the cafeteria since they hate these kids. Everyone hates these kids.

Well, my time in the torture chamber is over and done, so please welcome David O as your new dungeon master, starting tomorrow!

Une Semaine De Bonte

Link To Today’s Strip

I would like to offer my sincere thanks to Tom Batiuk for this week. I really appreciate the attempt at humor, and while the strip never really rose above the level of, say, Blondie or Beetle Bailey (other than Thursday’s ultra-goofosity), it was miles above what the strip usually offers. This week was like a vacation.

Those of you who aren’t guest hosts…count your blessings. A guest host never knows from one day to the next what is being served up. Will it be something with one of the many hateful characters? Will it just be lame? Will it be mind-numbingly boring? Remember–you’re the host, you have to have something to say!

Here’s something I’d like to say. I never approach Funky Winkerbean with the attitude of Well, let’s see what can I hate on today. No, despite how poorly made the strip tends to be, I always hope that it will somehow be good, at least today. Because there are enough poorly-made, dull things in this world, and if something rises above that, then [insert Hallmark-worthy phrase here].

So, yeah, sometimes I will overpraise something that’s just mediocre, because I think that mediocre is at least a step up from terrible.

Take today’s offering. Previously in the week, a guy set out to achieve a goal, and through hard work and persistence, actually did so. That’s rare enough in the Funkyverse–what’s even rarer is what today’s strip shows: Funky Winkerbean saying, in effect, “Hey, let’s enjoy life.” When was the last time that happened? I can’t remember.

That, my friends, is a hell of a lot better than what we usually get. This strip typically takes the notion that “genius” requires no effort or talent (Les Moore’s entire life-story) or that those who are deemed “worthy” (criminal-in-training Cory) should have others (Holly) slavishly work on their behalf–without, of course, expending any energy at all, other than to say “I want.”

Today’s episode, though, says…you’ve worked for it. You’ve sweated over it. And you made it.

Enjoy it.

In this comic strip, that’s praiseworthy.

Besides, we should all be glad there’s not a fourth panel, where Funky says “I think I can get us a good table at a place I know called Montoni’s!” That would be double-secret barf-bag-worthy. I’m kind of shocked today’s strip didn’t end that way. Sometimes, it’s the things held back that make the biggest difference.

Sunday could bring all this crashing down, of course. While my thanks to Tom Batiuk are sincere, that doesn’t mean my eyes are closed.

See you tomorrow night!

The Eternal Question

Link To Today’s Strip

Yes, whenever one is advised You need to start exercising or You need to change your diet, the question is always, “Okay, but when can I stop?”

I guess it’s akin to You need to put jokes in your comic strip about young adults. “Okay, but when can I stop?”

Today’s offering is nowhere near as good as those earlier in the week, but there is one positive aspect I’d like to point out. It’s this:

You’re probably thinking that there doesn’t seem to be anything remarkable about it…and I agree. It’s what isn’t there that’s interesting. Think how easy it would be to turn that panel into this:

It took me about a minute (which is why it’s so shoddy). Tom Batiuk has been doing stuff like this for ten years or so; it’d have been easy for him to toss out something like that. Really easy.

Something to ponder on–something to stay the hand when it reaches out innocently for the whitened pebble, the veined stone, the dead, unmoving rocks of our planet.