HeyItsDave

[[Jarring Intensifies]]

“Hey, (insert FW character here)! The production needs (marching band music/a one-armed woman/a service dog/an insane old bus driver/an old-timey front porch with a swing) for a big scene! Why sure, your (wife/husband/kids/friend) can be in it too!”. It’s been his plan all along, that diabolical bastard.

— Epicus Doomus

I sure am glad that T-Bats is doing this whole Starbuck Jones thing; it’s wicked educational. I had no idea that making a film was so seat-of-the-pants. I thought locations were scouted months in advance so that everything would be ready by the time shooting started.

Aw yiss! What high school wouldn’t want a film production taking place during graduation? Stupid-ass selfish kids, thinking that the ceremony was about them. What a bunch of entitled little bastards. Maybe they can get Mason to give the commencement speech, and Cliff Anger can hand off the diplomas.

ERMAHGERD IT’S MERSON JURR!

In today’s installment of the Starbuck Jones saga, the gang gathers at Montoni’s to celebrate the start of filming in Cleveland. Mason Jarr, the movie star, continues to prove he’s a swell guy and not some stuck-up Hollywood douche by assuring Holly that everyone’s going to “get in as extras.” Mason, please, for the love of all that is holy, have Holly do her her Flaming Baton act. Think of the money the studio can save on CGI by actually burning down the city!

Of course, no arc would be complete without a loose end or two, so don’t ever expect to find out who’s holding that phone or to see Funkmeister and Holly having to deal with crazed stalkerish fans showing up to grab a pair of Mason’s underwear off the clothesline.

How Time Flies…

…yet how the plot crawls. We’re back at Komix Korner today, where T-Bats has managed the smoothest of segues in order to steer our attention back to Starbuck Jones – the comic he really wants to publish if only it weren’t for these meddling kids. And lo! Pete announces to DSH John that filming starts next week in Cleveland! Seems like only a couple of weeks ago he was bitching about how there were so many rewrites he’d never get done with it. Brace yourself, folks, it looks like we’re in for a long summer’s trudge through the making of Starbuck Jones. At least we can count on some laughs as T-Bats displays his bollixed-up notions of how filmmaking works.

As for the AV Club, last week they were all over that big-ass Wedgeman ring, but today in their Safe Place, they’re chillin over a cool game of… Bingo?? Really? Whatever you say, Tom, you’re the drawing the game board.

Not By The Hair Of My Chinny Chin Chin…

Hi gang! The SoSF 6th Anniversary Week kicks off with a very special contest: five faithful readers will get a turn in the guest author chair to vie for utterly worthless prizes! Three spots remain! If you’d like to play along, the details may be found here. Meanwhile, please enjoy our first Guest Author!

Hi, folks! HeyItsDave here with my Guest Author post (special thanks to TFHackett for the opportunity!)

With the help of that awesome people-finding search engine eBay, the Tin Man, Dorothy, and the Cowardly Lion have finally arrived at the Wizard’s palace, only to be turned away at the gate.

Look at that dejected look on poor Mason’s face. So far, he’s pretty much been depicted as a kind of goofy-but-well-meaning regular sort of guy. I almost feel sorry for him as he realizes that maybe he’s not such a well-known beloved celebrity after all (the hero’s welcome he got in Westview, America’s Heartland must have really jaded him.)

C’mon, Mason! You’re an action star! KICK THAT DAMN DOOR IN AND MEET YOUR HERO! Or, you know, embrace your butthurt…

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