Epicus Doomus

Decamping Trip

Dear Lord what ARE these imbeciles babbling about? The “power is out at Atomik Komix AGAIN”? So this happens regularly? Looks like buying an entire dilapidated office building for a company that employs four people might not have been the shrewdest idea, especially considering it’s some sort of poorly-wired death trap. “Art” is imitating “life” again in the Funkyverse, as the AK cretins are now basing THEIR ideas on things that happen to pass their field of vision that day, just like Batom does!

That’s all for me, stay tuned for the riotous comedic stylings of none other than SoSF’s very own billytheskink!!

If He Keeps Complaining The Levy’s Going To Break

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“Har har har! Remember your old school’s slipshod approach to player safety and medical care? Yuk yuk yuk!”. If their high school was such a poorly-funded nightmare why do they all remember it so fondly? One minute Batom is “thoughtfully” tackling the football head injury epidemic, the next he’s chuckling over the macabre image of an injured child being lugged off the field in a wheelbarrow. What a sicko.

Then There Was The Time He Did That Shitty Football Gag

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“Then there was the time” = “I have given up all pretense of being a writer”. Again, he COULD be doing these jokes as straight-up Bull football gags but because he ruined the Bull character he can’t and thus must rely on awful, awful contrivances and really cheap dialog to bring his witticisms to fruition, let’s say. Buck is still pounding away on his hapless pal, doing everything he can to ensure that Bull’s last football memories will be depressing ones. Maybe it’s just the artist but there’s a certain mean-spiritedness to this Buck asshole, he’s like Dinkle without the cutesy sardonic irony thing he does. And I certainly don’t recall anyone demanding that.

Fourplay/Long Time (Ago)

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And when the QB called for a play requiring an empty backfield, the players all ran toward the unused “back field” behind the cafeteria. Did you ever notice how “quarterback” and “cornerback” sound sort of similar? That sure is confusing. And did you ever notice those commercials they play during the Super Bowl? They sure are something. Why, sometimes they’re even more entertaining than the game!

It’d be so refreshing if Bull just punched Buck in the mouth and told him to get the f*ck out of his house. Unfortunately, though, it’s a 100% certainty that he’ll continue to meekly sit there and take it as Buck craps all over his rapidly-fading high school memories because Westviewians don’t get mad, they get wry. In fact, that inbred wryness probably explains why the Scapegoats were always so shitty. Well, that and Bull’s awful coaching.

Here’s where I’m obliged to point out that these “remember when?” retconned memories wouldn’t be necessary if BatWrite hadn’t ruined the Bull character for no discernible reason. Just like with Dinkle and his band gags, Bull could have done football jokes into infinity if only Batom had refrained from giving him a degenerative brain disorder, a disorder that apparently hasn’t even visibly manifested itself yet. Just like with Dinkle’s hearing loss (and Morty’s dementia and Lisa’s death), Bull doesn’t seem any different or worse for wear yet, leaving the reader to wonder why BatBore even bothered with that dopey half-assed CTE arc in the first place. Instead of just doing six football gags, he has to do six gags about old football gags he used to do, which explains why 99.999% of the population has no idea what “Funky Winkerbean” even means.

All Bucked Up

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Yes Tom. The Scapegoats used to be abysmal, Dinkle used to be zany and Holly used to explode a lot. Hearing the now-elderly characters reminiscing about Act I sure brings back memories, memories I’ve already forgotten. Buck, who most likely doesn’t have another friend in the world, suddenly decides to start razzing a clearly insulted Bull all for the sake of perpetuating Bull’s endless karmic comeuppance. Simply hilarious. I certainly hope this isn’t leading toward an entire week of “boy our team sure did used to suck” gags but sadly it appears to be inevitable now.