Epicus Doomus

The Consequences Of Choosing Your Heroes Poorly

Pete sums up both this arc and the entirety of FW’s run in panel three. Stop. It was all a big mistake.

Obviously Pete is distraught upon discovering that his main influence and life-long idol came up with the bulk of his ideas while hitting up the early bird over at the Sizzler. Or maybe he’s just stunned to learn of foods other than pizza. Or maybe he’s just upset because Flash’s frank admission confirms what he’s secretly known about himself all along, which is that writing comic books isn’t that hard and his entire life up to this point has been a total fraud. It’s difficult to tell and the weird faces everyone’s always making do not help.

A Bitter Phil To Wallow

Link To Today’s Strip

Yes, I’m back again to continue SoSF’s wall-to-wall coverage of The Great Atomik Komix Mega-Arc of 2018. Apparently The Author has finally snapped and/or decided to devote the remainder of FW’s two hundred year run to one specific longform story. Unfortunately, it’s this one.

Last week’s bizarre tangent completely out of nowhere introduced us to Flash McFlashington or whatever his name is and now we’re seemingly in for a solid week of old-fashioned “back in the day” comic book banter, which is the second-worst possible FW outcome. In today’s installment, they all gang up on the since-deceased Phil Holt in wry and somewhat cruel fashion.

What does Flash (ugh I hate that so much already) mean by “in” a hostile work environment? Is it just me or shouldn’t it have been “Phil Holt in his studio WAS a hostile work environment” because that was him…a guy who was bitter about having to draw comic books for a living? Or does he mean that the work environment itself was somehow hostile toward Phil, like he suffered some sort of horrible workplace abuses there?

Just kidding, of course it was one of those dumb FW grammar flubs that slip into the dialog from time to time and nothing more. The (guffaw) QC people really should have caught that, bet someone got fired for that blunder.

I Don’t Like To Throw The Word “Hate” Around Casually But F*ck These People And The Horses They Rode In On

Link To The Nadir Of This Arc…So Far

I don’t even understand what this is supposed to be. OBVIOUSLY it’s a problem for him, I mean the f*cking guy is throwing away a lucrative Hollywood screenwriting career to “be closer” to the first and only woman who’s able to tolerate his presence for more than three seconds. It’s as desperate as it’s possible to be. Yet in spite of that SHE has been waiting around for seven-plus months to see the cretin again, a fact adequately explained by that terrifying expression on her face in panel two. Stop pretending you have options there, Mindy. It isn’t like Westview is teeming with eligible bachelors, if she passes on Pete she’ll be left to choose between Cody and Bernie and quite frankly IMO they’re both out of her league.

And to add insult to injury he has to end THIS annoying sub-arc on a “cliffhanger” too, because actually wrapping up even the dumbest sub-arc in a mere six days is apparently just too much work, I guess. If he manages to drag this out for yet another week it’ll mark two full months of this, which is probably some sort of FW milestone, or it would be if anyone cared enough to keep track of that sort of thing. Soon it’ll be like DiMaggio’s 56 game hitting streak, except far less impressive.

After four long weeks of the Atomic Comics mega-arc I’ve had enough. Stayed tuned for billytheskink who takes the wheel on Monday as well as a Very Special Guest Post tomorrow! Until next time….stay Funky!

Seven And A Half And Seven And A Half Is…

Link To Today’s Atrocity

So, it takes the “average woman” seven-and-a-half months to lose sexual interest in Pete? Hmmm, see, I would have guessed seven-and-a-half seconds but perhaps these Westview/Centerville women are a little slow on the uptake. Apparently she’s all a-flutter over how Pete is willing to throw away a wildly lucrative career just to be “near her”, which tells you plenty about how long it’s been since BatWrite has interacted with any women.

And what is Pete even talking about here? They haven’t been “dating” for seven-and-a-half months, in fact THIS is technically their “first date”. Thus according to my calculations Pete should be comfortably sexless by mid-November or so, which will be right around when this arc hits the halfway mark…IF we’re lucky. And I’ve been doing this long enough to know we won’t be.

Moronic, Actually

Link To Today’s Strip

Ewwww…what the F*CK is he DOING to that pizza in panel three? Watching that bulbous-snouted imbecile sucking his pizza cheese like it’s a strand of spaghetti is probably the single most repugnant thing I’ve ever seen…not just in FW but ever. I’ve witnessed fatal car wrecks that were less repellent than this. Ditto Mindy’s giraffe neck in panel two, if these two morons ever breed every circus freak show in mid-central Ohio will be banging down their door.

“Yeah baby, I’m considering ditching my wildly successful screenwriting career to write comic books again.”

(Swoon)”Oh…PETE…take me, you courageous manly beast!”

Batiuk is giving us WAY too much psychological insight here…WAY WAY too much. This is obviously the fevered nostalgia-addled fantasy of a very sick man. I’d say that perhaps an intervention is called for here, but first you’d have to find half a dozen people who give a shit and as we all know that’s just not happening.