Son of Stuck Funky – Page 547 – Son of Stuck Funky

You Can’t Spell “Dinkle” without “DIE”

Greetings, folks, BChasm back for another stint. Thanks to HeyItsDave for a splendid performance. And here we go–

Oh good, we’re about to be lectured about how awful hazing is, without being shown (or told about) any of it, so the week will be two people discussing something without defining it. And before you ask, I have not peeked ahead; it’s just the way these things are always dealt with. Hazing, bullying, class rings, Hollywood, Crazy Harry’s Happy Dance…you name it, and Tom Batiuk will tell you how bad it is without a single word “why.”

I cannot imagine why Batiuk keeps bringing back Dinkle. I know that he personally loves the character and thinks he’s a font of wisdom and humor, but he is neither. And Batiuk can’t be using him as a sop to the folks who read Act I; the character has been turned into something repellent, second only to the odious Les. I suppose, like Les, it’s tempting to think of him as a defiant middle finger thrust at his critics, but man what a waste of energy.

The good part of today’s strip is panel three–it looks like age has finally caught up with Harry Dinkle and he’s about to dissolve away before our very eyes.

I’m kidding of course; even if that were to happen, we’d only hear about it through other people discussing it, and we’d never see a single frame for ourselves. By Grabthar’s Hammer, what a moment to cherish.

Dinkle….SAVES things.

Peer through this window into Dinkle’s wizzled soul.

Holy crap, Dinkle saves stuff. And he feels comfortable enough with this creepy habit that he willingly shows Lefty one of his collections. This one seems innocent enough – tufts of grass from each years’ band camp – but will he ever show her his other collections? The ones kept in that special room behind the hidden door in the basement? The ones lined neatly up on narrow little shelves lining the walls…tiny jars holding little trophies and mementos of past achievements and heartbreaks…

Look! Here are sets of false teeth, taken from the nightstands of women at Bedside Manor who received “special music lessons.” And those jars near the door with all of Hallie’s nail trimmings from when she was just a baby. There are many, many others…Harry had access to the locker rooms at Westview High for so very long, and even now he visits from time to time, to see if there is anything else he might want to…collect.

O, Ho! Verily, Wally is a Project, is he not?

Behold Saturday’s mild drollery.

Buddy sure is happy to be home, as he’s followed in the door by the Twits, who probably forgot to feed him before they left. Bet he’s headed straight for his dish. Meanwhile, we’re treated to blah-blah-blah followed by another lame attempt at a punchline involving Rachel’s mother. Rachel’s unseen mother, I might add, since T-Bats has attempted this kind of joke before…

Anyway, I was trying to think of what kind of project I’d make if I had a stack of Wallys at my disposal, and I figure I’d just notch them all at their enormous foreheads and interlock them into a little Ohio Wilderness cabin, like Lincoln Logs.

The only surprise left this week is Sunday’s strip, and whether or not there will be some sort of Rachel-and-Wally wrap up, and if so will the colorists make Rachel’s hair blonde like they usually do on Sundays in complete yet typical disregard for continuity.

יּ٧ᴥ٧יּ ♥♥♥

Buddy’s back!

If I were to classify FW characters, here’s how it would go:

Loathsome Pieces of Shit (Les, Dinkle)
Irritating Douches (Jim Kabbadabbadoo, Durwood, Mopey Pete)
Sad Sack Shitheads (Funky, Holly, Wally)
Goofy Dipshits (Masone Jarre, Owen, Crazy Harry)
Those I Don’t Really Care About But Will Probably Eventually Dislike (Just about everyone else)
Buddy ♥

Yeah, Buddy. My favorite resident of the Funkyverse. He never smirks. He never makes shitty puns. He never wallows in self-pity, snipes another character to make himself feel superior, or “wakes up” at the end of an arc to proclaim that it’s all a dream. Who’s a good boy? Buddy is! yes he is! even though he’d be totally justified if he pissed on Les’ leg or took a dump on Wally’s bed. Nope, he’s just a goofy, happy yellow dog who lives day to day, greeting everyone with a wagging tail and just enjoying the moment. He doesn’t even bitch when his dumbass roommates Wally and Rachel bring him to a heavy metal concert, those idiots. How ironic that, in a strip claiming to be “a quarter-inch from reality,” the most realistic character depiction is that of a dog.

[PS: I did indeed notice that, after talking all week about the Monsters Of Metal concert, not a single frame of actual comic strip real estate was spent depicting the actual event. In true BatHack style, we instead have skipped directly to the post-concert exit. But you know what? Buddy’s back! so I don’t give a shit.]

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The Further Adventures of Rachel and Funky Talking may be found here.

Hahaha, it’s funny because CrossFit and yoga are, like, totally different things! Can’t wait for tomorrow’s strip when maybe Tom will finish stretching this arc like a chunk of saltwater taffy and actually move the plot along.

BTW, go back through this arc and take a look at each day’s strip. Notice how Tom’s rendering of Rachel gets more fluid and less awkward as the week progresses? I find this interesting because it shows me that Tom lets himself get “out of practice” with his characters when they’ve been absent awhile and probably doesn’t take the time to do a little “freshening up” with the ol’ Funky Felt Tip before bringing them back.