Son of Stuck Funky

Link to Today’s Comic.

There was very nearly a joke in today’s strip. A wordless panel of both Chester and Darin giving Pete weird looks might have actually elicited a chuckle from me.

A quick Google search shows that these rings were apparently a real thing.

So here’s a question: Which way does Chester’s door swing? When he steps up to bat, which side of the plate is he standing at? The only indication we’ve ever gotten, one way or another, was the time he bought the ‘Babes of Batom‘ one shot issue. Other than that, he’s a fifty to sixty year old single man with no romantic history and no expressed romantic feelings.

Some might see this as indicating asexuality, or perhaps a man so deeply closeted he has rendered himself neuter. However, I look at his fickle perfectionism and abrasive personality and see a dead ringer for Professor Henry Higgins from Shaw’s Pygmalion. Chester is just the sort of man that, if he could train or design a woman to meet his exacting standards, that woman must, by those same standards, reject him. If she accepted him as her mate, she would no longer be perfect. And so his heterosexuality is more in theory rather than in practice.

Also: LOL THAT RING LOOKS LIKE HE’S WEARING A FINGER TURD AMIRITE? ROFLMAOBBQ.

Link to Today’s Comic.

Not much to comment on today, really. Except that my comics collecting phase coincided with the final death throes of the Comics Code Authority stamp. DC was one of the last to phase it out, so in my collection I have the exact moment in 2011 when it stopped appearing on covers.

Though the ‘rules’ of the code loosened and changed drastically over time as the readership of comics aged and the social mores shifted, it is really eye opening to read the rules as they stood in 1954. I’m no prude, but given the state of some comics I read early in The New 52, (which relied on more ‘shocking’ gritty sex than a orgy of mating camels,) I think it would be an interesting creative exercise to try and write a great comics story while following these rules. Rob Liefeld couldn’t do it. Geoff Johns probably could. Could you?

• Crimes shall never be presented in such a way as to create sympathy for the criminal, to promote distrust of the forces of law and justice, or to inspire others with a desire to imitate criminals.
• If crime is depicted it shall be as a sordid and unpleasant activity.
• Policemen, judges, government officials, and respected institutions shall never be presented in such a way as to create disrespect for established authority.
• Criminals shall not be presented so as to be rendered glamorous or to occupy a position which creates a desire for emulation.
• In every instance good shall triumph over evil and the criminal punished for his misdeeds.
• Scenes of excessive violence shall be prohibited. Scenes of brutal torture, excessive and unnecessary knife and gunplay, physical agony, the gory and gruesome crime shall be eliminated.
• No comic magazine shall use the words “horror” or “terror” in its title.
• All scenes of horror, excessive bloodshed, gory or gruesome crimes, depravity, lust, sadism, masochism shall not be permitted.
• All lurid, unsavory, gruesome illustrations shall be eliminated.
• Inclusion of stories dealing with evil shall be used or shall be published only where the intent is to illustrate a moral issue and in no case shall evil be presented alluringly, nor so as to injure the sensibilities of the reader.
• Scenes dealing with, or instruments associated with walking dead, torture, vampires and vampirism, ghouls, cannibalism, and werewolfism are prohibited.
• Profanity, obscenity, smut, vulgarity, or words or symbols which have acquired undesirable meanings are forbidden.
• Nudity in any form is prohibited, as is indecent or undue exposure.
  Suggestive and salacious illustration or suggestive posture is unacceptable.
• Females shall be drawn realistically without exaggeration of any physical qualities.
• Illicit sex relations are neither to be hinted at nor portrayed. Rape scenes, as well as sexual abnormalities, are unacceptable.
• Seduction and rape shall never be shown or suggested.
• Sex perversion or any inference to same is strictly forbidden.
• Nudity with meretricious purpose and salacious postures shall not be permitted in the advertising of any product; clothed figures shall never be presented in such a way as to be offensive or contrary to good taste or morals.

Link to Today’s Comic.

I got way too much enjoyment out of panel two today. Pete’s bland, mopey, dumpy little face, too crushed by the lassitude of his underwritten universe to feel fear as he slowly comes to terms with his own non-existence. I am excited to see what Chester comes up with to rebel against the uncaring creator of the Funkyverse who has doomed the comic book venture that he himself called into being. If Chester does engage in some holy war against Tom Batiuk, what hell will he be cast down into? Where do all characters in Funkyverse go to be damned and forgotten? But to reign is worth ambition, the mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Kent State, a Hell of Westview.

Also, it might increase sales and buzz of your comics if they weren’t blank sheets of paper stapled together. Though I suppose blank white paper is cooler than The Inedible Pulp.

Link to Today’s Comic.

Comic Book Harriet, stretching her comic book chops, with a comic book lesson.

I collected new DC superhero comics from 2008 to about 2012. Blackest Night got me hooked, a great horror based crossover event, that had legacy dead characters rise up to confront their still living family members and teammates. Though I hadn’t read much before, the arc gave me an exciting and emotional lesson in characters and stories I hadn’t read first hand.

Then in 2011 DC decided to cancel and then relaunch their entire comics lineup, in The New 52 initiative, tweaking characters and erasing backstories. This included canceling both Action Comics, and Detective Comics, which had been running since the 30’s, and were up to #904 and #881 issues respectively. They were both relaunched with a #1 issue.

The New 52 lost my interest completely, I compared it to a beloved relative having a stroke and staggering around forgetting half of who they were, and randomly attempting to relive life events that had already taken place.

In 2016 DC Rebirth tried to reset this again, which included renumbering Action Comics and Detective comics as if they had never been ‘cancelled’. They had learned that you can’t ‘restart’ when the majority of your audience doesn’t want a to hear a Muppet Babies version of a story they’ve already read. But most of all, they learned you can’t fake being new and hip when you’ve been around for 70 years. Your legacy and history is your capital, don’t spend it or throw it away.

Chester is going to learn the hard way, you can’t fake being ‘old and established’ either.

Link to Today’s Comic.

After being silently cowed yesterday, Mindy today has completely disappeared. We can only hope that she stomped out of the building in a righteous huff, deleted Pete’s number from her phone, and re-uploaded Tinder and Linked In.

Kudos to everyone yesterday that pointed out that Pete has totally written kid sidekicks before, with no mention of his apparently crippling phobia of pubescent partners in crime fighting. Maybe since that time he has unconsciously internalized The Seduction of the Innocent, and now sees all comic team-ups through goggles of pederasty.

Holtron sighting in the background today. Like they realized they couldn’t fit the Cosmic Treadmill in every panel. The extra background detail almost makes up for Darin’s terrible three-fingered hand in panel one.

I can hear in my head the tone of voice that Darin is using in panel 3. It’s sad, disappointed, and only barely curious.

20-1 odds on there being a sideways Comic Cover tomorrow. With a repeat of this joke in a panel at the bottom.