Kiss Me Beardly

Link To Today’s Strip

Boy Lisa can draw comic strips? Why of COURSE he can! This is Westview, where drawing your first comic strip is like learning to walk in normal towns. And here I thought he was just a witless pizza schlub with Lisa’s DNA. Oh well, it isn’t like he doesn’t have the time or anything. “The school paper”…there’s a ringing endorsement. “Oh gee, some local dipshit who doodled in high school made me an anniversary gift…how thoughtful!”….things no wife says, ever.

“This time it’s about us”…oh my, that’s a line of dialog and a half, eh? See, I knew that if Cayla just kept quiet and remained patient Les would eventually get around to treating her like, you know, his wife. And she didn’t even have to die first! In Westview this is known as “personal growth”.

The artwork today makes me want to spray pure bleach directly into my eyes with a high-pressure hose. In panel one he’s waving and gesticulating in that condescending “I have a brilliant idea, allow me to dumb it down for you” way of his, then in panel two his entire face contorts into the total embodiment of smug self-satisfaction as he explains that HIS idea that HIS friend (actually bio-stepson related to Lisa no less) is working on and HIS publisher likes is all about “them” somehow. Then on top of it he face-melds with Cayla in panel three in a scene so disgusting I just want to drop it right here and move on, as it’s only Tuesday. It’s harrowing.

The Laffs Least

Link To Today’s Strip

“The Last Leaf”??? A “graphic novel” about Cayla?? But…but…she isn’t even dead yet!! Does not compute. But seriously, blech, oh no, what a shitty gift and etc. So typically Les-esque, they guy writes her a novel about how HE found love and how happy HE is, which in his mind if the most selfless and grand gesture he can make. Such a dick. And how thoughtful of him to rub the manuscript against his crotch before handing it to her, as if the gift itself wasn’t already bad enough.

And in the “things I never thought I’d ever say” department, note to Summer: put that hoodie back on…please. No one wants to see that, particularly in the morning. Why is she still there? Why are they lurking around in their parent’s bedroom first thing in the AM? Who DOES this?

Check out that look of smug, all-consuming self-satisfaction on his cretinous face as he explains his moronic gift, what a repellent display of Les Moore dickfacedness. “The Last Leaf”…give the leaves a rest already there, BatWrite. We get it, they’re a metaphor for death and the encroaching darkness of winter and so forth. It’s like he comes up with this stuff after staring out the window all day or something.

Leafpocalypse Now!

Link To Today’s Strip

I’ve been waiting years to finally see this. What we’re seeing here is known as a “Westviewian baptism” ceremony. Outsiders are not normally privy to witness “The Throwin’ O The Leaves”, an indoctrination ritual involving leaves, wordplay and light-hearted banter based on 1940s pop culture. According to the faith it absolves the recipient of “original wryness”, whatever that means. Then your parents get a bunch of savings bonds they’re supposed to set aside for you. Consider yourselves very, very fortunate to get this rare glimpse of Westviewian culture.

But seriously, questionable native American faux-slang aside, these two are seriously beginning to wear on me. It doesn’t matter what they say, it doesn’t matter what they do. It’s just that they’re there, that they exist at all. Summer is the “religious missionary at your door who won’t go away” of comic strip characters and Les is incapable of being anything less than rage-inducing regardless of what he does. At least the black Sunday borders are gone, finally.

Rope, A Dope

Link To Today’s Strip

Wow, how hilarious. This arc is like a trope within a trope within a trope. He actually managed to drop the ol’ “Les gets stuck on the rope in gym class” gag, which was a recurring gag back in the pre-Lisa Act I days. I’m just wondering how the school photographer got that shot, did he or she climb the rope next to Les or did they use some sort of special lens? That’s one hell of a yearbook staff photographer though, no debate there.

The most interesting thing about this one is how Summer grins knowingly as she shows Cayla how feeble and weak her dad was in high school. It’s that special bond they have, the former collegiate sports hero and the current one, sharing their common interest in mocking nerds and geeks.

But yep, it’s come to this all right. Resorting to Les hanging off the gym rope to round out the week, pretty much as lazy as it gets. It really reinforces how solid the Cayla/Les relationship is too, as we begin to get a clearer picture of why one of Westview’s most desirable single women (small pond) ended up settling on the most annoying and obnoxious person who ever lived. She’s either insane or she just likes knowing that she could theoretically beat the living hell out of him any time she wanted to without even really having to try too hard.

There’s also this, which is something that sounds like a lot of fun. A discussion that’s long overdue if you ask me.

Sappy Anniversary

Link To Today’s Strip

So Cayla took one look at the “fear and doom” on Les’ face and was…instantly entranced??? This woman is a true Westviewian, I’ll tell you what. “My dear caught in the headlights” gets my vote as the single worst sentence I’ve ever read, particularly when taken in context. Once again women find the loathsome Les Moore irresistible, even when he’s being a thoughtless weasely dick. It’s not just unrealistic, it’s f*cking impossible. And what it tells us about the whole weird “author/avatar” thing is a topic best left unexplored if you ask me. Even Summer, the blandest college kid on earth, looks bored out her skull by the time Cayla wraps up her story about how being a doormat turns her on. The whole thing is just sickening, I feel like washing my hands after reading this tripe.