No One Mourns the Comics

Because today’s strip is about comical books, Mr. Oddnoc has enlisted perennial sophomores Owen and Cody to do the daily commentary. They will provide the puerile perspective and gravitas that Batominc bloviating about comic books warrants.

Note: the part of Holly in panel 2 will inexplicably be portrayed by Olympia Dukakis.

Owen: Mr. Oddnoc, do we have to do this one? It sucks!

Oddnoc: Oh, jeez, you’re right. Take the day off, boys! Go for a hike!

Cody: That’s what Batominc should do—take a hike!

Oddnoc: Haw! For sure. Anyway, here’s what Tubby McHagglesalot should have said:

Alternate-reality Chester the Chiseler: Ahhhhhhhhhhh! You cursed b——tch! Look what you’ve done! It’s decomposing and dropping in value. Ohhhhh, what a world, what a world! Who would have thought that some woman like you could destroy my beautiful comic book?

Owen: Good one, Mr. O! See ya!

Excuse Me While I—Snip—This Out!

Because today’s strip is about comical books, Mr. Oddnoc has enlisted perennial sophomores Owen and Cody to do the daily commentary. They will provide the puerile perspective and gravitas that Batominc bloviating about comic books warrants.

Enter Owen & Cody, sophomores. Neither wears any sort of headgear, hat, or chullo of any kind.

Owen: Mr. Oddnoc, come on! You’ve got to do some of the work. Put the scotch down for a sec!

Enter Oddnoc, a snarker. He sips pensively from a Glencairn glass, then sets it gently upon the table.

Oddnoc: OK, Owen. Let’s see. Hmm… Holly seems to have forgotten—

Owen: Cory’s gonna be pissed!

Oddnoc (arch): Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? Who am I? Who am I?

Owen: Haw! Les Moore! Anyway, I know what you were gonna say. She forgot she brought her own damn scissors.

Cody: Why slice it open now?

Owen: It don’t make no sense.

Oddnoc: It’s inexplicable, boys. Downright inexplicable.

All three drop their mics.

Exeunt.

Spongiform Desires

Because today’s strip is about comical books, Mr. Oddnoc has enlisted perennial sophomores Owen and Cody to do the daily commentary. They will provide the puerile perspective and gravitas that Batominc bloviating about comic books warrants.

Cody: OMG, dude, I drew a better splash page when I was in first grade.

Owen: Totally! This Chester guy is pretty fat, even for an old guy.

Cody: Yeah, he must be, like, 30.

Owen: He’s got, like, double chins everywhere. Like, even on the back of his head.

Cody: Holy s——t, dude! Who’s that freaky kid? Why does his head come out of a sheet?

Owen: I think it’s supposed to be Chester. Look at all the chins!

I Like My Comics Like I Like My Steaks

Because today’s strip is about comical books, Mr. Oddnoc has enlisted perennial sophomores Owen and Cody to do the daily commentary. They will provide the puerile perspective and gravitas that Batominc bloviating about comic books warrants.

Cody: Doesn’t John have a bunch of Starbuck Jones books?

Owen: Yeah, he says they’re not worth much, but there’s a guy up in Stately Manor, Ohio, who overpays for ’em.

Cody: Mr. Oddnoc says we’re in this comic strip. Thats f——ed up!

Owen: Dude, dude, who talks like that: “which makes the issues ultra-rare and difficult to find”?

Cody: Mister—ha ha!—Mister—snort!—I—I—can’t—hahaha…

Owen: Hee hee! M—M—M—Moooooooooooooore!

Oddnoc (aside): The kids are alright.

Supremely Supreme & Universal

Because today’s strip is about comical books, Mr. Oddnoc has enlisted perennial sophomores Owen and Cody to do the daily commentary. They will provide the puerile perspective and gravitas that Batominc bloviating about comic books warrants.

Cody: That guy’s bald.

Owen: He has a cool goatee.

Cody: I wonder if John knows that guy. You know, if we ever get out of high school, do you think we—

Owen: —could be professional komix kollektors‽

Cody: No, yell at dumb women who know nothing of comics!

Batominc Lawyer (off stage): Cease! I say cease, son! Listen to me when I’m talking to you! Desist!

Oddnoc (off stage): Don’t forget to mention the giant mo‘ai profile in panel 2!