Tag: Cleveland

tH1s dISj0iNteD aRC

Today.

So, Sunday’s strip is about collecting permission slips for a field trip.

Then Monday, the field trip’s over and Wedgeman is missing.

Now it’s Tuesday, and the bus is stuck in traffic caused by (what else) the Starbuck Jones filming.

What the hell way is this to tell a story? What happened to Wedgie? Why have we been subjected to months of Starbuck Jones Birth Of A Movie agony and not be shown anything about the filming? This is like trying to read Crisis On Infinite Earths after Mom found our comics under our bed and threw most of them away OH SNAP DID I JUST MAKE A COMIC BOOK REFERENCE

So now the bus is heading down a “short cut” which we all know is just going to turn out to be a bad decision because of course it is and Batiuk hasn’t had an original idea since he wasted, like, a decade slowly killing off a main character in a failed bid for a Pulitzer.

On The Vast Historical Significance Of Doodles

Link To Today’s Strip

These comic book fantasies of his are getting weirder all the time. Didn’t think that was possible. Today we learn that retro Pete once visited the Superman creator’s (sigh) cousin’s house where he was shown an old piece of paper with incredibly vast historical significance, if you’re totally obsessed with comic books, that is. I guess those bubble corners in panel three signify that this is an old memory within a purely speculative faux-reminiscence-flashback, which tells you how convoluted and nonsensical this mess has become. Does BanTom seriously believe anyone anywhere is interested in this? And if so, why?

It’s just all over the place too. He has to once again mention Superman’s ties to Cleveland, another one of those mundane things that he finds fascinating for some reason. Then he segues into the Superman doodle via the dumbest segue of the week, some bullshit story about retro Pete knowing some guy’s cousin. Uh yeah, retro Pete, sure ya did. At look at that retro Pete smile, he looks like he’s struggling to remember exactly how to do it. Brutal.

Fine And Hand-y

Link To Today’s Strip

Hand-y…LOL. She’ll probably have an arm-y of supporters there, too. Perhaps the band could do a rendition of “Greensleeve” at the convention. So it turns out that this convention will indeed be held in Cleveland, which I guess is huge exciting news for the three Ohio music educators this strip and Harry’s woeful “joke” are aimed at. As for the rest of us, I think I’m speaking for at least some of us when I say we’d almost PREFER going back to the Mason Jarr arc than having to slog through a week’s worth of Dinkle’s incessant cackling and tiresome bullshit. I said almost, but still, that’s how much I despise New Old Dinkle and his idiotic “band director for life” routine.

I almost missed it but look carefully through the glass in panel one and you’ll see it. BanTom NEVER lets a Becky appearance go by without reminding the reader that she only has one arm. See it there, all pinned-up and missing? The Arm…never forget. I will, however, do my best to forget that can opener-like schozz Harry is sporting in that horrific panel two profile shot, which is a wordless representation of everything I hate about Dinkle. Blech.

He’s Got a Million of ’Em

In Saturday’s strip, H.R. “Baldy” McNightmare continues to regale Cindy with brilliant one-liners. “Women, am I right?” he’ll continue. “Can’t fire ’em, can’t ship ’em off to Cleveland.”

So, we’ve got the “Cleveland sucks” joke. Check. To be fair, Cleveland really sucked in 2010. A year ago, however, when this overcooked noodle of a strip was being conceived, Cleveland fell to 17th most miserable, beating out #11 Toledo by 6 positions.

Good thing Forbes doesn’t include Westview in its misery index. The #1 position would never change.

Cindy, like the downtrodden Westview woman that she is, meekly accepts her fate and a clear violation of 29 U.S.C. § 623. Naturally, she’ll pay for her own cab and air fare as she rushes to LaGuardia to get to Cleveland’s Channel 5 before air time. Because this is the way TV stations are run, ¼ inch from reality.

I admit I was among those astonished that these events were taking place in New York City, based on Cindy being the one to report on Les’s Hollywood deal. I keep forgetting that Les lies at the nexus of history. The pope himself was awakened to keep him abreast of the contract negotiations. So of course ABC’s national weekend anchor broke the news.

But who’ll break the news to Cindy that she can fight this age discrimination? I’m sure anything we come up with will be more interesting than what Batominc comes up with.