The gang enjoys some pizza (does Montoni’s ever serve a pie without pepperoni?) and continues their discussion of Starbuck Jones. Mason Jarr, the actor who is going to play Starbuck Jones in that new Starbuck Jones movie, appears to have experienced some kind of epiphany; he’s had…a thought. This incredibly amazing thought. Dot dot dot. Hope it’s a doozy, because you and I are going to have to wait a whole twenty four hours to find out. That’s a real “cliff’anger!”
Tag: Darin
They Don’t Write ’em Like That Anymore
Packed like sardines in Mason’s convertible, our pals hurtle through the inky blackness, snarking on the cornball dialogue in the Starbuck Jones serial. Pete can afford to laugh because he, being a newly minted hotshot Hollywood screenwriter, will craft a script that’s going to bring the franchise up to date and bring new depth and complexity to our hero. That is, if Pete ever stops dicking around back in his Ohio hometown…and as long as they don’t pressure him with any deadlines…and only if nobody dares to suggest any changes…
The Fan-Tom Empire
So today, Batiuk’s “writing what he knows'” sharing with us readers a space opera that influenced his creative vision as a youth. At the same time he’s writing about something about which he has no idea: how today’s Hollywood motion pictures are made. “I think seeing that old serial is really going to be helpful with our movie.” Mason might as well be talking about a campfire skit or routine that they are preparing for a middle school talent show. And I’m waiting for the day when Darin snaps at his old buddy Pete: “Shut the fuck up already about ‘back in the days of Batom Comics!'”
Anyway, snarkers, it’s good to be back in the SoSF wheelhouse as we approach the 6th anniversary of Son of Stuck Funky! Stay tuned for a special announcement of the first contest around here in awhile. Details to follow! Happy Easter!
Night of the Meek
So, as predicted, it’s a comic book cover using someone else’s artwork, and the Batiuk characters are pasted awkwardly in the corners to ruin the effort. The characters have nothing interesting or funny to say, but they have to be there because we can’t have nice things. At least you folks get to read it right-side up!
People here have long speculated–if Funky Winkerbean is such an onerous chore to create, and Starbuck Jones is obviously where his true passion lies, then why doesn’t Tom Batiuk drop Funky and take up Starbuck. After all, he’s gone to great lengths to detail a lot of Starbuck’s world, and it clearly holds a great deal of importance–heck, unless you follow Batiuk’s blog, there are all kinds of things in the strip that simply come out of nowhere. By contrast, over in Funkytown, he can’t even be bothered to remember names or hair color and the characters are stagnant and miserable.
My guess (and it is only that) is that Tom Batiuk has enough self-awareness to know that if he were to tackle Starbuck Jones, he’d ruin it. So far, the only appearances of Starbuck Jones have been comic book covers. Never an actual adventure. Well, a cover can promise a great deal, and it never has to deliver. It isn’t expected to deliver. It’s just supposed to make you buy the magazine. It’s supposed to set up a story, not tell it.
But, if you’re going to make a space adventure comic, you cannot just promise adventure and then have people smirking over old comic books. It’s going to require actual storytelling. Moon Mile Meek has to leave the space house and find a giant monster somehow. (Although I’d be willing to bet that Kloog showed up on the doorstep, thus obviating the need for Meek to do anything. I’m also getting the distinct vibe that Meek touched one of Kloog’s comic books, and that’s what set everything off. Sigh.)
To do actual storytelling, you have to have excitement, drama, action, violence, fresh fruit. Passion. Thrills. Spills. Romance. Adventure–all the things you would expect to find in a space adventure book. And when presented with the chance to do any of these things in Funky Winkerbean, Tom Batiuk turns away and does essentially nothing. A chance for some police action with Dick Tracy? No way, let’s have Tracy haul boxes of comic books. How about romance, with Wally and Rachel? Not really–that whole thing was presented as “Well, everything is only going to get worse, might as well get married now.” Danger and intrigue in the Middle East with Cory Winkerbean? Sorry, the cat’s eaten it. Adventure? Ah, usually fresh on Monday, today the van broke down. And so on.
Even if he only did the writing, there isn’t a way that I can see that Tom Batiuk could produce a Starbuck Jones story that would satisfy anyone, including himself, and its lack of substance would probably depress him even further. It would emphasize the various things lost to this strip over the years. Storytelling, for one. I don’t see any storytelling going on in this strip. Ergo, Starbuck Jones will continue to be mentioned and continue to appear on covers, but that will be the extent of it.
Ultimately, my point is this–that those expecting anything of interest to pop up in this strip had best appreciate things like today’s artwork, junked up as it is with crap. Let’s face it, there are some stains that no detergent can remove, and that shirt is always going to look like that.
Well, my guest stint now comes to an end. Tune in tomorrow when the unparalleled Epicus Doomus takes over center stage. I thank you for your indulgence, and I am outta here!
In a clamorous appealing to the mercy of the fire
The content of today’s strip implies that Droppo and Pungent spent the entire weekend doing a cover mock-up. (Complete with title, logo, price, etc. Is Darin also a compositor in the print shop?) Because a cover is the only thing that Cigar McBalding is holding… I thought they were supposed to be doing an entire comic book, and that’s why it was so arduous? Hell, I could do a cover mock-up over a weekend without a problem.
–Unless I missed something–this strip is so careful and attentive to detail, after all.
If all they were doing was a cover, why was Pete even there? Oh well, looking for consistency or common sense in this thing is a fool’s errand. It’s like asking, “Why is Darin’s hair in color when everything else is sepiatone?” There’s no answer to that, man.
I think Moon Mile Meek is the big-eared thing barely visible at the bottom of panel one.
I seem to recall some Bat-Mite like thing on other Starbuck Jones covers. Doesn’t seem like a great idea to give it its own book, but what do I know? Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen was a successful enough comic for years. Of course, Olsen was an occasionally entertaining moron who drank whatever potions he found lying around, turned ray projectors on himself and ate millions of pancakes. Then Superman would have to save him. And then, the exact same thing would happen all over again the next month. There were always more potions, radioactive rocks, alien artifacts, magical crowns, and so on. Superman never lost patience with Jimmy or tried to knock some sense into him (and his teeth out of him), and despite what I imagine were hundreds of fan letters, Superman never punched Jimmy so hard he flew into a completely different comic book.
So I suspect that the same formula would follow in Moon Mile Meek, minus the “entertaining” bits of course. After all, the exact same thing happens with Funky Winkerbean. Someone will be asked to do something, he’ll complain the entire way, then it’ll end with a pun and a smirk. Interesting how the Starbuck Jones universe keeps expanding, while the strip that hosts it continues to shrink.
So, are we all ready for the comic book tribute tomorrow? It looks like it might be well drawn at least.
Son of Stuck Funky 