Ed Crankshaft – Page 2 – Son of Stuck Funky

Murder In The Burnings: The Major Suspects

We continue our look at arson suspects with the more serious candidates. Some names aren’t on either list, because they will turn up later in the story. But let me know if I missed your favorite.

SUSPECT: Cayla Williams Moore (suggested by: bewareofevehill)

PROSECUTION: The wife of Westview English teacher, Les Moore, and personal assistant to high school principal Nate Green. Cayla witnessed her husband defy her boss’ mandate that books on the school’s not-approved list are also not approved to be taught. Les confided in Cayla about the plan to distribute the book via bookstores. Fed up with Les’s overbearing ego, Cayla used that information in an attempt to frame him for the arson. The damage was intentionally small, because Cayla had no other dispute with Ms. McKenzie.

DEFENSE: If she wanted to use fire to rid herself of her husband, there are more direct approaches. Doesn’t anyone remember The Burning Bed? Continue reading “Murder In The Burnings: The Major Suspects”

Lucy’s Story

This week’s post will be an installment of This Week In Act IV, and also a historical deep dive into a past Funkyverse tale.

Crankshaft has been revisiting the Lillian-Lucy-Eugene love triangle. The week ended today with Eugene sailing a boat solo into the waters of Summit Lake, a real place in Akron. The story looks like it continues into next week, so we’re not going to cover it all today.

I say “we” because this post is very much a team effort between Comic Book Harriet and myself. There will be at least one follow-up to this post, even if the Crankshaft story ends at this point. (It’s hard to imagine how a story can end with an old man boating into a lake by himself, but Batiuk gonna Batiuk.)

We must also give an assist to Comics Curmudgeon guest host “Uncle Lumpy”, who made the definitive comment about this story 13 years ago.

Eugene, Lucy — this is not romantic, touching, or poignant. It is stupid, and you two deserve exactly what you got.
https://joshreads.com/2011/10/friday-post-3/

Back To The Future

For the first time in awhile, this week in Crankshaft wasn’t straight-up Funky Winkerbean Act III. It starred Ed Crankshaft and his family, in a staple Crankshaft story: Ed’s barbecues causing a major disaster. But it was a great example of many things that are wrong with Tom Batiuk’s storytelling in general, and invites commentary for that reason. It’s going to be a cavalcade of TBTropes, some old and some new.

The week started with Mindy informing Pete that he’s “not really dressed for a grill-out” at her house. The suggested gear is, of course, protective gear against fire and explosions. Yuk yuk.

How does Pete not already know of Ed’s grilling misadventures? He’s been dating Mindy since 2017, and the “engagement tiger” incident was in 2019. They’ve been on multiple trips together.

On top of that, Ed’s grill-outs have resulted in criminal charges of destroying the earth! You’d think Pete would be aware of that incident. If the earth was destroyed, where would Pete get his comic books?

Rock Bottom Remainders

And the winner of the Crankshaft punchline contest is….

Duck of Death with “God damn that bitch! I ordered stones!”

Ducky! Please come up to accept your prize! I know it’s half-assed and terrible looking. But so is Crankshaft these days.

(*I was going for Yamcha and ended up with crouching Gollum, but you work with what you got.*)

But You Don’t Really Care for Music, Do Ya?

The Duck of Death
December 19, 2022 at 8:22 am
Guys. Guys, is he gonna have the whole freakin’ cast from both comics in this church and pan over the crowd while the ensemble sings the Hallelujah Chorus?

Is this how it’s all gonna end?

baeraad
December 22, 2022 at 1:52 am
I… think Batiuk thinks he’s going for a heartwarming all-the-lovable-goofballs-come-together-in-a-church-on-a-snowy-Christmas-night sort of thing for his ending…

Sourbelly
December 22, 2022 at 10:56 pm
Batdick has spent days establishing the fact that every Westview citizen who matters is driving to the Jazz Messiah Nonsense in dangerous weather. He has spent zero seconds explaining why.

As confounding and confusing as this strip has been over these final months…you can’t say that a lot of effort wasn’t put into today’s strip, the last-ever Sunday panel of Funky Winkerbean. Nearly seventy people (and one cat) are packed into St. Spires. I was even able to recognize most of them…but there are a couple head-scratchers. Continue reading “But You Don’t Really Care for Music, Do Ya?”