Tag: Funky

Dim Bulbs

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Q: How many Westviewians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one but it’ll take a really, really long time and ultimately be disappointing, confusing and possibly fatal to everyone involved.

I don’t know about you but these Christmas-themed strips are really beginning to grind my gears, man. He didn’t even check to see if the lights were plugged in first? What an imbecile. Do these Westviewian couples ever communicate with one another or what? Linda had no idea what Bull was doing, Cayla had no idea what Les was watching and now Holly is gaslighting Funky with Xmas lights. What a bunch of self-centered jerks. No one in this stupid strip is ever just having a plain old normal good time, even the smallest things are an endless tide of frustration and angst.

Scrooge McSuck

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I don’t ever recall seeing the Montoni’s office before. The layout of this place, and the entire town really, just endlessly fascinates me. Was it always there or did Adeela include it during her big renovation? Ah, you forgot that she was Montoni’s official pizza architect, didn’t ya?

Anyhow, given that a) the cheese is a vital, vital part of pizza and b) at least a dozen people work there, one can only conclude that there was quite a lapse in the Montoni’s chain of command AND that Funky is as inept at managing as he appears to be at everything else. One can also conclude that right now Funky’s mozzarella dealer is anxiously pacing around his office, occasionally glancing through his window at the nine semi trailers full of cheese he’s sitting on right before the huge Westviewian Christmas pizza rush. That really is a sad, sad attempt at shoehorning the “holiday season” in there, I mean take that reference out and this thing could run in March or June or whenever, as failing to place a cheese order isn’t especially a seasonal premise.

The Telltale Moozadell

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Yup, the beloved “A Christmas Carol” mozzarella scene…a watershed moment in movie history all right. Sigh. Sometimes BatYam drops a strip so nonsensical and so unnecessary you have to wonder why he even bothers anymore and this is definitely one of those strips. “Funky forgets to order cheese”…yes, I suppose that premise was inevitable.

What are the odds that Adeela (!) is familiar with “A Christmas Carol”? Not to unfairly generalize here, but I have a sneaking feeling that Afghani TV probably isn’t showing that one all that often. Then again, what the hell do I know, eh? Anyhow, it’s good to see that architecture degree of hers finally paying off, as Funky’s office looks terrific AND functional.

The Ego And The Idiot

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Or you could just TELL US what Funky forgot. Geez Louise, this one is glacially-paced even by FW throwaway arc standards. Maybe we’ll get lucky and it’ll turn out to be his tax return and the IRS will arrest him and shutter Montoni’s forever, prompting a town-wide recession and eventual riot in which Les Moore is killed by a vicious mob of unemployed pizza-starved goons. I mean I doubt it, but you gotta have hope. But alas, it’s probably just be something incomprehensibly stupid like it always is.

Fuggetaboudit

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Hey now, forgetting things was Bull’s shtick. And it didn’t end well, in case you’ve already forgotten like most of FW’s readership has. Anyway, the mind reels at the possibilities here. Well, “reels” might be too strong a word, it’s really more like a disinterested creaking of sorts. Like with every FW story, he really could have condensed this a bit but that horse escaped the barn many decades ago, along with the jokes.

Coming tomorrow: Funky suddenly remembers what he forgot and the strip ends with a silent panel showing Tony’s skeletal remains in the basement storeroom, complete with fingernail claw marks on the locked door. Across the land, stunned FW readers ask in unison “who the hell is Tony?”.