Montoni's – Son of Stuck Funky

No Quarter Given

Meanwhile back in 1973, Donald/Donna has beaten Crazy Harry, whose young self must have already stormed out of the pizzeria. Mister Tony Montoni is not impressed; he’s only concerned that The Eliminator’s prowess deprives him of revenue (hey: a single quarter in 1973 represents $1.77 in today’s money). Speaking of money, I believe that time-traveling Donna and Harry are visible to everyone else. Did they order a slice? Did they bring some pre-1973 currency with which to pay their tab without revealing that they are from the future?

It’s been fun (mostly) posting this week’s “Untold Tale,” and I hope TB has some more of these in the works for us to rip apart. Thanks to you all for reading and commenting!

The Hands of Time

billytheskink
June 26, 2024 at 12:22 pm
Given what Donna had to say about the helmet in that April 2022 story arc where Crazy creeped out Act I Lisa…she pretty much considers it to be a hallucinogen. Or at least that’s her cover story.

Since colorist Rob Ro didn’t show, I’ve added a touch of color. Click to see today’s B/W strip.

So: skeptic Donna acknowledges that the helmet is indeed “scientifically advanced” and “magically endowed,” and that the time travel effects are in fact not hallucinations caused by the trippy and possibly toxic fumes emanating from the helmet’s cheap plastics. Also, she’s time-traveled with Crazy on prior occasions. Got it. At least Batty and Burchette have taken the effort to change the appearance of Montoni’s storefront between the present and the past.

Analysis Of A Proposal: One Woman’s Struggle To Get Married, Set Against The Backdrop Of The Suddenly-Dying Comic Books Industry

…starring Florence Henderson.

In all seriousness, today’s Crankshaft floored me. Again, we’re not going to make this a Crankshaft blog, but this is a big enough development to talk about.

Here was my initial reaction:

I absolutely didn’t expect this. What does it say about the Funkyverse that starting a story with a plot point, and then actually resolving that plot point, is a shocking outcome?

And honestly, it’s kind of sweet. I have to give Pete credit for an elegant and well-executed proposal. Sure beats Eugene’s “check yes or no” snail mail proposal to Lucy, John Howard’s awkwardness, and that “in the main” word salad Les spewed at Cayla. Mindy’s “I must be crazy” reaction was also sweet. She is crazy, and not for the reasons she thinks, but she finally got what she wanted. For one day, I’m rooting for this couple. They’ll probably destroy that tomorrow morning, though.

Because I think these are the first shots of the Funky Winkervasion. The annexation of Crankshaft by Funky Winkerbean has been building for awhile, but this arc is the declaration of war. Mason Jarre showing up to buy the Valentine theater, as forced as it was, at least had some connections to long-running events in Centerville. Montoni’s wasn’t even relevant in its own strip; its closure was trivial. But here it is, being brought back to life, presumably so it can become the new social hub of Crankshaft – which is set in a town some distance away. That’s not how small-town social hubs work.

Will tomorrow’s strip be more sweetness and light, or is it straight back to Pete’s nonsense plan to revive a dead restaurant with this dollar-store corporate mascot? Or worse, discussions of how they’re going to merge their comic books?

I want to hear what you all think about this, so I hope you’ll weigh in in the comments.

Post Modern

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying all of you commenting on the shambling abomination that is Crankenstein’s Monster. It’s horror beyond imagination in the funny papers these days as Batiuk once again drags Lisa’s battered and abused corpse out to puppet around and demands Davis stitch it onto the recycled art patchwork of long dead gags that makes up modern day Crankshaft. Lisa Moore’s been more abused post mortem than poor Elmer McCurdy.

But at least when Les Moore does his dramatic dance of interpretive grief all over her grave, we know that Lisa is well and truly dead.

Sorry, We’re Open!

Let’s all take a deep breath, and go over today’s strip one panel at a time, shall we? There we see Funky and Holly, Wally and Rachel (with…her son? Robbie? Billy? Who knows?), Tony, and Adeela. But what are they doing in the pizzeria? Two months ago, we learned that Funky had decided to close the place and auction everything off. But in the spirit of the holidays, let’s be charitable, and suppose that the auction has concluded (would’ve liked to have seen some of that), but the lease runs through the end of the year. Since these folks, except that little kid, all work there, maybe they’re putting the last touches on closing up shop…though, that pink neon sign still hangs in the window, and the TV still hangs on the wall. And there are Christmas decorations on the wall that weren’t there when the auction began. Well then, I suppose they’ve gathered for one last nostalgic employee gathering…

Then we get to panel two, and there’s the Montoni’s delivery fleet, parked right out in front. With “brand-new snow tires“! Of course this doesn’t make sense. And after all the other BS that Batty’s shoveled our way, particularly in the past month of strips, this incongruity comes as no surprise. You win, Mr. Batiuk. You’ve spent fifty years establishing these characters and their universe, and have certainly earned the right to throw logic and continuty down the toilet. Our nitpicking nation turns its beady eyes to you. Woo woo woo.