Montoni's – Page 50 – Son of Stuck Funky

Failure is the Only Option

Ah, there’s the Tom Batiuk that I know of old–a completely nonsensical final crack in panel three. I know the saying, (Be nice to the people you meet on your way to the top, for you’ll meet them again when you fall from grace), but Funky’s use of it here makes no sense to me. Just like “continu[ing] to take” a “permanent break” makes no sense.

I mean, is Funky insulted that Les has to quit his part-time pizza job? “Oh, so now that you’re a writer, you can’t do man’s work like shoveling pizza at people. Well, good luck, wuss. Just remember that when you’re a broken, dying failure desperately in need of a job here–because I sure will.”

I guess Funky is simply emphasizing the worldview in Westview, that you’ll never achieve success and happiness in the outside world, but die lonely and in pain, even if you’re Les Moore. In which case, why didn’t he just say that and spare us all this befuddlement?

Also, fellow snarkers, I’m sure you’ve figured out the whole point of this arc…let’s see, Les sits at a table, while people talk about his abilities and achievements and his total awesomeness and he talks about how hard he works. Yes, folks, it’s how Tom Batiuk thought his Comic Con 2013 experience should play out. And they say there’s no room for fantasy in today’s world!

Forever Lunch

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And Tom Batiuk continues to attempt punchlines, with a little less success this time around. And Funky, it’s a teleplay, not a movie script. A minor but annoying distinction.

In panel one, we get yet another example of dialogue that a human would never utter. And maybe I’m mis-remembering, but I thought Les finished his teleplay? Or did he give himself a little “home run” just for writing a scene? Does he do that often? “Yay, Les! You’ve gotten out of bed, give yourself a hand! Way to eat that breakfast, Les Moore! You’re a champ!”

I know what you’re thinking–it’s another superpower–you’re thinking, “Well, that was only the first draft of the script. Naturally it has to be polished and re-written.” Oh, so now you want me to believe that everything that flows from Les’ pen is less than the golden oratory of the gods? Ha, got you on that one!

Finally, I’m not sure I get Cayla’s “joke.” Is she saying that Les is only around at lunchtime? Isn’t that the opposite of what Funky just asked?

Or does it mean she plans to murder Les and then devour his remains? Because I think I’d like to see that plot arc, myself.

Maybe the real Les was replaced by kind of Les-like vegetable that grows in Cayla’s garden, and she’s stewed or baked him into dozens of meals. And of course a new Les just grows in the garden the next day, like a kind of weed or fungus that just can’t be rooted out.

Grease Is The Word

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Here at the Funky Winkerbean Game Preserve, most of our animals are old and/or dead, so I want you to know how privileged you are–today, you’re seeing an actual humorous punchline, an animal we thought had died out long ago. What you’re seeing today is a story you’ll be able to tell your grandchildren! If you have grandchildren, that is, and they’ve been bad.

So yeah, props to Tom Batiuk for an actual funny joke. Since most of the “self-depreciating” humor around here tends to be of the “no one understands my genius” type, stuff like this–stuff that actually acknowledges that Montoni’s specializes in the inedible–is a welcome relief. I didn’t find myself laughing, certainly not smirking to beat the band the way Cayla is, but this is still an encouraging development. But who wants to bet it’ll be the last “funny punchline” for several weeks? I think it’s kind of a strain on Tom Batiuk’s abilities to do more than one each Moon cycle.

And can we please see a location other than Montoni’s? A fellow member of the Legion of Snarker Heroes pointed out that we’ve been at this damned place for over a month. How about something less gloomy and depressing, like a cancer ward?

Also, I think Funky is telling a teensie, weensie little fib there–from his appearance, I imagine he eats nothing but slabs of greasy lard, unless there’s something made of sugary paste he can use as a substitute.

And really, whoever chose the decor–specifically that tablecloth–I hope Funky at least gave him a ride back to the asylum.

Fun Not Included

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And another plotline deflates with a soft, farting noise, like a balloon animal lying long forgotten in a dust-covered toy box, in the attic of an abandoned house sitting silent in the rain.

This whole “Harry’s 50th Wedding Anniversary” arc has been dull even by Funky Winkerbean standards and folks, that’s saying a lot.

Let me mention something here. I was originally scheduled to assist Fearless Leader some weeks ago, but that conflicted with a trip out of town, so Fearless Leader wisely scheduled Mr. Epicus Doomus in my stead. A good thing too, as it turned out I had no internet access (other than a smart phone–have you ever tried to blog with a smart phone?). I mention this not because it’s interesting but because it illustrates the way in which most stories are told–something begins, there’s a crisis to be resolved, people work to resolve the crisis, and there’s a satisfying conclusion.

Now, my new superpowers only go as far as “sidekick” so I have no idea if this Harry-Crapper continues next week. But this story is like one told by a five-year-old. “There was this man and he wanted to give a lady a special party and he did and everything was great and then they went to Niagara Falls.” No tension, no drama, nothing unexpected–it’s as if Lucy promised Charlie Brown that she’d let him kick the football, and he did, and it was a pretty good kick. In other words, boring.

It does lend some credence to my idea that the characters in this strip are avatars of folks in Tom Batiuk’s real life, and that their portrayal rises and falls depending on how his relationship with them wavers. Note Fred Fairgood, who gave a little tour of his old apartments and then suddenly suffered a crippling stroke. I bet the real-life Fred’s Christmas card wasn’t quite up to Tom’s standard. Bull Bushka is the opposite example; once a bully and nemesis, now he is generally treated pretty well in Westview. I think Tom Batiuk met the real-life Bull a few years ago and the two of them found they got along pretty well.

So, I’m guessing that Harry Dinkle was an especially beloved teacher. (Unless he’s another author avatar. Shudder.) Harry is always treated with respect (in the strip) and so far as I can recall, he’s never interacted with Les. That’s the only reason I can see that Les was barely at the party, and he never gave out lame smirks and worse puns. Harry’s not to be smirked at, nor punned into.

But that’s no excuse to have nothing happen.

Pretty sad is the idea that this represents how Tom Batiuk’s own 50th anniversary happened. Even sadder if this represents how he wished it happened.

Niagara Falls?! Slowly I Turn…

Link to today’s strip

So, in addition to being cheap and band-obsessed, Harry fails to keep promises. I’m thinking I like this guy less and less. Harriet seems to feel the same way–“Hang on. You’re going to keep a promise…that you made over fifty years ago?” *SWOON*

Once again, the artwork amazes. Nate has a massive nose and mustache in panel one, as well as a slightly stretched head; if not for the fact that he’s wearing the same shirt, he looks like a different character in panel two. Similarly, his wife’s hair seems to’ve crawled back up her scalp in panel two.

Which is a good example of, yes, beady-eyed nitpicking. But riddle me this: when a strip is entirely free of interesting content, whaddya supposed to talk about?