Tag Archives: Wedgeman

All I’ve Got is a Photograph

September 14, 2014 at 11:52 pm
So a struggling sports department in a school with a constantly shrinking budget somehow manages to find the money to equip its entire team with Riddell Revolution helmets. For a team that is a yearly laughingstock…And that’s probably not their most egregious waste of money, since they apparently hired a head coach who doesn’t actually coach…Just watch as Batiuk runs the “Westview cuts the school budget” storyline yet again…

Charles’ quote came to mind when I saw today’s strip. The Fighting Scapegoats are indeed a laughingstock (though we’re not laughing). Clearly neither the coach nor the players could care less about football, winning, or even showing up for the team picture. In interviews, Batiuk is fond of talking about how he still visits his former high school for inspiration. But the Midview Middies of Grafton, OH are off to a 3-0 start (and even allowing for Batiuk’s famous year-in-advance schedule, last year they were on their way to a 7-3 record). But even back when TB, and you, and I were in high school, I never heard of a sports team that would accept losing as the status quo. Perhaps the team exists solely to give Les, Cayla, Linda, and the rest of Westview someplace to go on Friday nights in autumn.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Refutation of Kant’s Categorical Imperitive

Link to today’s strip.

It’s interesting (and instructive) to note that in today’s episode, there are several breaks with Winkerbeanean orthodoxy, which in this instance challenge the commonly-held notion that the Funkyverse is a closed system.  Specifically, one notes Wedgeman’s impromptu coinage of Neeks juxtaposed with Owen’s expression noting a possible increased range (in a strictly functional sense, of course) of Wedgeman’s role beyond the brutish habitue of Westview’s cafeteria.  One could, perhaps, extend this newfound role into the football field as well (“rivals” and “enemies” becoming “renemivals”, eg–a formation typically Batiukian), except that Tom Batiuk has prematurely curtailed such an exploration by having Wedgeman banned from sport (see: SoSF, 10/21-27).  In any case, the possibilities (however slight) of expansion are indeed hinted here.

However, it should be noted en passant that Wedgeman’s mere production of a portmanteau cannot be ex facto evidence of heretofore unsuspected intellectual capacity, as the portmanteau phenomenon is more a function of language qua language and as such can be seen as removing “language” from the underlying “meaning” it is intended to convey, appropriating words as merely a series of connected ur-sounds to be arranged without regard to communicative function.  Thus, Wedgeman’s new role would seem to be more of the nature of a random element, one designed to decrease the comfort-levels of the characters as they interact within their limited confines, and thus, increase narrative in oblique directions; but then one must recall that “randomness” as a plot element (as opposed to a decorative one) is strictly forbidden within the Funkyverse due to the nature of the construct.  I feel certain you are as disappointed as I at the realization of this aspect, and I regret having to voice this argument, as it furthers the angst elements of the entire “Funky critique” positioning, while duly embracing the futility argument advanced by T.Batiuk (see notes)*.

As an aside, one has to note with approval the sheer exuberant gusto with which Wedgeman expresses the (self) enjoyment of his coinage, offering as it does an unexpected, unbridled joyousness at his achievement.  Such expressions are exceedingly rare in the Funkyverse, and one must applaud their occasional appearance, even if they grace the nominally villainous.

On the other hand, “neeks” is totally dumbheaded and dope-like, and hardly worthy of such celebration.   It is the very definition of dumbheaded.  Dumbheaded like a bag of towels.

*Due to a misplaced comma, the notes were not included by the typesetter, who offers this note in recompense: “You suck.  I hate you.  PS I quit.”


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Ironic Punishment Indeed

Today’s strip

Poor Wedgeman, you hate to see a kid throw away his eighth year of high school over getting involved with illegal laxatives like that. A kid’s fourth senior year should be the highlight of their young life. When will these kids today learn that there’s no chemical solution for a dietary problem? And not only is Wedgeman disappointing himself, but he’s also letting down his teammates who he’s no doubt established quite a rapport with after starting for the Goats since 2005 or so. Their next 43-7 loss just won’t be the same without him.

I love Wedgeman’s surprised expression, as if he had no idea there might be repercussions after being filmed while stealing drugs from that middle-aged woman that hangs around the cafeteria sometimes. And I likewise love Bull’s expression in panel three, as if not allowing Wedgeman to pay-to-play on the worst high school football team in the state is some sort of cruel merciless death blow of pain, shame and regret. Just think…THAT was the toughest punishment Nate and Bull could dream up. And they wonder why these kids are in high school for what seems like seven years at a time. The school’s other bullies must surely be trembling in blind naked fear right now.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

A Little “Backed-Up”

Today’s strip

Congrats to those who selected “something really stupid” in yesterday’s poll! If you selected “non-prescription drugs”, yeah, you’re technically correct too, I suppose. If you selected “prescription drugs” I’m sorry but you lose. That kind of reckless drug abuse might fly over at Mary Worth or Dilbert or whatever, but recreational drug use has no place in this comic strip. It just has too much potential to be interesting.

I would have assumed that Imodium was the OTC drug of choice for the average Westviewian, given their typical all-Montoni’s diets, but I suppose all that unsanitarily-made pizza could indeed have….uh…the “opposite” effect, as they say. This will conclude any and all speculation re: Alex’s (or any other FW character for that matter) colonic issues. A disturbing mental image, to say the least. At least we know where Wedgeman will be for the next several hours, but how happy he may or may not be remains to be seen. On the plus side, if he’s also on the WHS wrestling team he shouldn’t have too much trouble making weight this week.

Coming tomorrow: the evil Wedgeman doesn’t stop at fiber, also shaking Alex down for her blood pressure monitor, her walker and her AARP prescription card as a befuddled Owen looks on stupidly as usual.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Forking Wedgeman

Today’s Strip

The vicious, unrelenting Wedgeman continues to shake Alex down for her mystery pharmaceuticals (while simultaneously judging her) as Owen looks on with dimwitted concern, holding his cell phone in a most suspicious manner. And this time, there’s no Summer Moore to grittily intervene and save the day for the “loser table”. Will Owen sit there cowering or will he stand up for his lady? Will Alex cave and hand over the meds? Will Wedgeman inquire as to what the pills are before he greedily gulps them all down? Will a new hero emerge? Will this shakedown take an entire week to play out? Will anyone even care anymore after today? Stay tuned……


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky