This Is The Story Of Johnny Rotten

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Finally, our twenty-three year long national nightmare is about to come to an end as Plantman is at long last going to reveal the late John Darling’s very last dying words and (zzzzzzzzz). Me, I’m more amazed that TB finally drew a woman with normal regular-sized buttocks, which had to be a real challenge for him, what with going “off template” like that and all (and none of those weird pareidolia faces he sometimes does just to freak us out either, thank God).

So here’s the big twist of TB’s little John Darling victory lap story, eh? Forget the documentary, throw out the motive. Plantman has a world exclusive…JD’s very last dying words! What a great documentary film this would have made if only someone had thought about bringing a camera and…ooops, never mind. Anyhow, we can only guess at what these alleged “last words” might be, but if I know my FW history I can guarantee they’ll be something really stupid. Possibly pun and or wordplay based, maybe involving inclement weather, a chance of sentimental mawkishness as well but most definitely stupid. Just you wait and see.

An afterthought: why doesn’t “Plantman” speak in plant-based pun form? You know, like “leaf-ing so soon?” (credit: Jeffcoat) or “let’s get to the roots of the problem” or “enough of your vining”, stuff like that. Some arch-villain HE turned out to be.



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Exit – Rage Left

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As you probably recall from her appearance in last year’s huge Frankie mega-arc, Jessica has no tolerance for scuzzy creeps with no moral compass, thus she is prepared to storm out of the prison in an indignant disgusted huff without asking a single question or filming a second’s worth of footage for her now long-forgotten “documentary”. Remember back when this arc was all about obsolete video cameras, new tripods, Eastern Bloc cars and adorable baby Skyler gags? Those were the days, my friends.

Her reaction doesn’t even make any sense. I mean was she expecting warm thoughtful conversation liberally sprinkled with trenchant insights about her dear old dad? From his murderer? And again, the idea that she wouldn’t have her camera running during this exchange is just inexplicable, he’s completely ignoring the starting premise of his own story here. And on top of that, he’s ignoring the premise that replaced the original one as well, which was supposedly Jessica’s desire to find out why Plantface killed her father. Unless yesterday’s strip where he said JD had it coming to him WAS the answer she was looking for, which seems ridiculous but is definitely within the realm of possibility in this comic strip. But it’s so poorly-executed, confusing and stupid that it’s tough to really tell what he’s doing here.

The indignant Jessica faces are hysterical though. Just like during the Frankie arc, that look of haughty revulsion, total disdain and disgust, the righteous fury, the wildly cocked eyebrows…great stuff. And the degree of detail given to the stubble on Plantman’s head nicely demonstrates that he clearly enjoyed drawing this more than he enjoyed filling in the dialog.


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Justifiable Herbicide

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He’s trying for “menacing” here but he’s stuck on “clown shoes” again. Not only do I have no idea what Plantman is jabbering about, but I am at a complete loss to explain why Jessica is STILL not operating her camera, which was ostensibly her entire reason for this ponderous prison visit in the first place.

I, like 100% of the rest of the world, never read “John Darling” so I have absolutely no idea what the back story on “Plantman” is or why he’s dressed up like a plant or why it’s supposed to be funny. I am assuming that “Plantman” was to JD as Larry “Bud” Melman was to Letterman…a comedic stooge used to fill and kill time when necessary. Now I know way more about “JD” than I ever dreamed possible and yet, somehow, I still feel unfulfilled.

So this Mossman guy really did dress up like shrubbery? I don’t get it. Was he some sort of lawn & garden expert or something? Wait…do NOT answer that, I don’t want to learn more.


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Prisoner: Cell Block (ZZZZZZZ)

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Today we get our first look at Pete Mossman aka Pete Moss aka Plantman and…well…he looks kind of like every other fat, balding and overweight Westviewian, like ever. I really thought he’d resemble a tree or something. What a letdown. I’m not really sure what he’s talking about regarding his “insensitivity”, as he didn’t say anything especially insensitive until he commented on his insensitivity, which makes no sense at all. But seriously, would you expect anything less out of this “comic” strip? Huh?

And note to Jessica: the camera works far more effectively when it’s turned on and pointed at the subject of the interview. Although in fairness that shot of the base of that prison table will probably be the most compelling footage she gets, so why not go with it?


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Take Your Kids to Work Day

While his wife confronts her father’s killer, Darin schleps Skyler down those rickety stairs to visit Holly and Funky. Naturally, the grandchild St. Lisa never knew is good at everything, which for a five-month old consists of sleeping and eating. Of course Cory (whose seems to be mentioned in every Sunday strip) was like that too as a baby; in fact, Funky opines that Cory was that way through his teens. While we know little about teenage Cory’s eating habits (surely he has nothing on Jeremy from Zits), we do know that he made quite a fuss, and in fact was a regular visitor to Principal Nate’s office:

April 2008:

Young Mr. Winkerbean would go from disrupting class to cheating on tests, vandalizing the school and stealing from a charity.

A very Happy Easter to you all! Epicus Doomus steps in
for a couple beginning tomorrow!


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Lockup: Westview

And you thought the only businesses in town were Montoni’s and the Komix Korner? Welcome to the redundantly named WESTVIEW PRISON. Like all the signage in Westview, the prison sign looks like it’s hand drawn on oak tag with Magic Markers…I’m surprised it’s not Scotch taped to the fence. This drawn-out sequence which adds nothing to the narrative (we didn’t see Jessica driving to her other interviews) reminds me of Dean’s Comic Booth’s great parody of Darin’s birth mother quest.


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Moss Def

Batiuk would have us remember a character he killed off 23 years ago, yet he doesn’t trust us to recall Jessica’s name from one day to the next. “How goes the documentary, JESS?” “Who’s next on stage for the documentary, JESS?” And to the list of things about which Batiuk has no idea how they work, add documentaries. It’s one thing to have her use cheap home video equipment, but any halfway serious filmmaker would undertake a project, especially one as deeply personal as this, with some kind of outline. We’ve had a week of Jessica running around gathering unflattering anecdotes about her late father. Now she finds herself forced (“I didn’t want to have to do this…”) to finally get serious.


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