Smells Like Teen Idiocy

Link To Today’s Contrivance

“Wow! Banner making and hanging technology hasn’t changed at ALL!!!!”.

Uh, excuse me there Mr. Batiuk sir, but where did Holly go? And I don’t quite know how to tell you this, but Lisa is F*CKING DEAD in 2015, which may explain why she’s so cold all the time. Now I’m only speaking for myself here, but I’d probably visit a future Super Bowl or Kentucky Derby, or perhaps I’d visit Manhattan to see what real estate became the most valuable. Not these morons though, no sir. The only real surprise here is that they didn’t end up in that shitty pizza place instead.

I guess this marks the official end of Batiuk’s “1/4 inch from reality” period. Let’s take a moment to remember that glorious era…OK, done. I wonder if anyone’s going to tell Lisa, you know? Talk about awkward. When she sees the “in memoriam” board will she instantly turn to dust or something? Or are we pretending THAT whole thing never happened too?

33 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

33 responses to “Smells Like Teen Idiocy

  1. Rusty Shackleford

    Really. You have a time pool and all you do is think about your old high school gym? What a bunch of losers.

    Normandy High School 1986. I graduated in June of 86. I forgot everything about it by July of 1986. Cmon Batty, grow up already.

  2. billytheskink

    Funky is wondering where Holly went as well. This was before he could spell, apparently.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Rusty Shackleford: Yup, it sure is strange how often he wallows in those high school memories, especially when you consider that he spent decades moving the strip AWAY from that stuff.

  4. Nathan Obral

    I guess this marks the official end of Batiuk’s “1/4 inch from reality” period.

    When did that period BEGIN?

  5. I would forgive this arc everything if, when Lisa discovers her fate, she screams and disintegrates into a pool of blood, like Matilda May in the helicopter scene from “Lifeforce.” Hey, quit lookin’ at me like that. “Lifeforce” was awesome.

  6. Nathan Obral

    Kinda fitting that Holly seems to be stuck in the time cesspool while Cindy is there, but apparently not her current 25-year old form on loan from Mason Jarr The Goddam Movie Actor.

    And now we know why Lisa gave up any will to live… she takes a gander at her husband’s graphic novel about her death Tom Batiuk’s collection of strips that chronicled his single-handed execution of her in a vain attempt to land a Pulitzer prize, and whatever will to live she has will go right out the window.

  7. SpacemanSpiff85

    I’d love it if nobody mentions Teen Holly again, and her absence here is never explained.
    If Batiuk wants to go all out crazy from here on out, that’s great as far as I’m concerned. At least it’s somewhat interesting. Of course he’s not, though. He still has The Very Special Bullying Storyline coming up. Unless this is it, actually. Maybe Adult Les is going to punch out Teen Bull after he smarts off to Teen Les. That would actually be pretty hilarious.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    Gosh Holly sure got fat. And that nose…

  9. Epicus Doomus

    I like the “dramatic device” Batiuk used to ensure they’d end up in the WHS gym…having Bull “think” about it. This whole story reads like it was free-associated by a bunch of second-graders in the “slow” reading group.

  10. SpacemanSpiff85

    I actually cannot wait to see young and old Cindy together. Apart from the hair they’re going to look identical.

  11. Travelin' Sullivan

    If I’m to understand this plot correctly, the Funky Gang once time-traveled to the future, but only Harry retained any knowledge of the event? Did the others discover how pathetic their future lives are, figured there’s nothing they can do to change their fate, and decided it would be best to block any recollection of this event from their memories? Even by Batiuk standards, that’s wildly implausible. Worse, come Monday we’ll probably shift to a storyline that has Owen and Cody reading the latest issue of Mr. Sponge while playing Space Invaders. However, if the 2015 version of Funky and pals advises the teen versions of themselves to do things differently (Stay away from the bottle, have those breasts doublechecked, etc.) and alter the Act III storylines, I might be able to give Batiuk a pass for the crap he’s given us the last few years. Kind of like that one season of Dallas that turned out to be nothing more than a bad dream Bobby had while he was masturbating in the shower. (or whatever that crap was all about)

  12. Nathan Obral

    @SpacemanSpiff85:

    If Batiuk wants to go all out crazy from here on out, that’s great as far as I’m concerned. At least it’s somewhat interesting. Of course he’s not, though. He still has The Very Special Bullying Storyline coming up.

    I’d love to see Batiuk try his hand at that now. He shrank the student body at Westview High School down to Owen, Cody and Alex, and all those three do is bully the lunch ladies at the cafeteria and… nothing else. We would be rooting for those (22 year old) losers to get beat up by some generic, nameless Wedgemen goof.

    Is he going to have a random character like Boy Lisa the Fair Good spout out yet another asinine solliquy like “you should know that comments on the Internet are the modern-day equivalent of writing on the bathroom wall in the asylum?” Because that will really impress the folks at the Pulitzer Prize Nominating Committee… unless it won’t.

  13. Jim in Wisc.

    Travelin’ Sullivan wrote: However, if the 2015 version of Funky and pals advises the teen versions of themselves to do things differently (Stay away from the bottle, have those breasts doublechecked, etc.) and alter the Act III storylines …

    I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Batty uses this as a half-assed way to bring back his beloved Lisa.

  14. JerrytheMacGuy

    Next, on “Jump the Shark Week” . . . .

  15. SpacemanSpiff85

    @Nathan Obral:
    Maybe that “Pete can’t deal with Internet comments” storyline WAS the bullying arc…

  16. ComicTrek

    Whatever “it” is will make no sense, I’m sure. Also: is it not enough that Lisa is DEAD? Now she has to find it out for herself and it’ll only get darker from there.

    You see, Tom Batiuk? This is just *one* crucial example of why none of us take even your “lighthearted” strips seriously (funnily?) anymore.

  17. They’re just going to end up staring at each other a couple days and then back to Funky bitching to his personal trainer, right?

  18. There’ll be a Sunday strip. Old Les will hold Teen Lisa’s hand, and say “I’m so proud of the young woman you were–” (panel ellipsis)

    And in the next panel, his hand will be holding her urn. “–and of the cash cow you are now.”

    Act IV begins.

  19. So how much time will Teenage Lisa spend matching up the faces of her high school pals with these “old people” before she realizes she does not see her future self among them? Also, who is the brunette standing in the middle of the current cast in the foreground? IT DOESN’T ADD UP

  20. If they hadn’t blocked BatiukFunkyfan, we’d have to endure nonsense about how we’re all horrible people who are bullying him by objecting to this absurdity in which these passive idiots decide that they can’t sidestep their less than inevitable fates so it looks as if his anti-bullying arc will be Les whining about the on-line criticism of Saint Dead Lisa Who Was Cremated’s simply throwing her hands up in despair and dying because she believed she was ‘supposed’ to.

  21. Nathan Obral

    “Holle… how are we in a family reunion for that cranky old bus driver Holly had to deal with? They’ve all got the same ugly nose!”

  22. Merry Pookster

    (Magenta) It’s so dreamy
    Oh, fantasy free me
    So you can’t see me
    No not at all.
    In another dimension
    With voyeuristic intention.
    Well secluded I see all…
    (Riff Raff) With a bit of a mind flip…
    (Magenta) You’re into a time slip…
    (Riff Raff) And nothing can ever be the same.
    (Magenta) You’re spaced out on sensation.
    (Riff Raff) Like you’re under sedation.
    (Guests) Let’s do the Time Warp again.

  23. Also, who is the brunette standing in the middle of the current cast in the foreground?

    I believe that might be Cayla, the not-Lisa.

  24. @Bobanero Oh yeah, forgot about her. Can you blame me?

  25. bad wolf

    @Epicus–yeah, when Crazy first described the time pool (ie the first 4 days of this) i just thought ‘okay, it takes you whenever you want, but it only takes you to the same place’. Sure, that explains why they just went to the gym. But no, it could take them anywhere, but Bull was “thinking about the gym”. I mean, contrived is a pretty weak word to describe this.

  26. Jimmy

    If I were Lisa, I would choose to believe I made it out of the hellhole known as Westview and didn’t end up with Lester. Maybe she changes the time loop and gets to a town with real doctors.

  27. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    You know…if this were Doonesbury and we were seeing the Walden crew meet their future selves it would be interesting. Mostly because i care about those characters and appreciate the changes in their story arcs over the years. But in Funky Winkerbean…I’m just reminded about how fucked up Tom Batiuk has become since the beginning of his strip. It’s not a about how the characters or times have changed…it’s about how much the author has changed!! Nostalgia Fail!!!

  28. @Westview Oncologist:

    This means that instead of Darkness-induced Audience Apathy, we’ve got DORKness-induced Audience Apathy. It’s not that the situation is too pointlessly grim, it’s that it’s happening to ciphers no one could care about.

  29. billytheskink

    C’mon folks, we all know Lisa is gonna walk up to Cayla and ask “So what’s the story here? Did my parents finally buy me contact lenses and a flat iron like I wanted for my birthday?”

  30. DOlz

    @bad wolf. “Sure, that explains why they just went to the gym. But no, it could take them anywhere, but Bull was “thinking about the gym”. I mean, contrived is a pretty weak word to describe this.”

    It’s worse that that. It means Bull the dim bulb, was able to determine where they went as a group over the wishes of everyone else. Brownian motion is less random that a TB story arc.

  31. captaincab

    So, yeah, this is creepy and weird. Is Les going to get to “re-meet” teen Lisa? Will fat Funky and fat Holly meet themselves?

    But who cares about this bland bizarro world garbage when Bloom County is back!!!! Just found out yesterday. One of the greatest comics of all time has returned (check out Berke Breathed’s FB page) I’m beyond ecstatic and how serendipitous since it’s a strip I have fondly posted about here many times when pointing out how awful FW is compared to the true classics. 🙂 Only thing that would be as amazing is the Far Side or Calvin and Hobbes returning.

    And how interesting that in just the first three new Bloom County strips, Breathed has already crafted a time jump based story infinitely better crafted, concise, charming and funny than both the current “Time pool” story and anything else time based that Batiuk has ever done?

  32. Professor Fate

    Weird not in a good way but weird. Which is different. but why high school can’t he damn well leave high school alone? Like forever?

  33. Sgt. Saunders

    Les ought to be going ape shit crazy – there’s a living Lisa for fuck’s sake. At first I thought that because he’s so naturally maudlin and overly sentimental, but then I realized the more likely reason is that, if he can keep her there, she can die again and he can write another book about her called Lisa’s Unfuckingbelieveable Story.