Regrets, Tom’s Had A Few

Link to today’s strip

“What the F*CK happened to our nose?????” Wow, at long last Batiuk finally admits (in a roundabout way) that Funky Winkerbean was a stupid title that’s done nothing but provoke confused reactions and cratered the strip’s (potential) popularity. Well, that, plus the intensely shitty content. I don’t know why the Funkys don’t remember their last meeting, although it was several years ago which might as well be centuries in the Batiukiverse. I guess he’s just going to ignore the Lisa paradox here, for which we all should be forever grateful. Still though, you’d think that SOMEONE would tell her, although maybe Cayla is shooting daggers at anyone who tries lest it ends up somehow altering the future and spoiling her (chortle) movie option gravy train. All I know is that my head hurts more than usual. Too bad they didn’t go back to 1972 and throw away TB’s felt tips, it could have saved us a lot of trouble. This arc pretty much confirms that regardless of what happens in the strip, literally everything will devolve into stupid wry banter and sub-moronic wordplay. “Hey! That asteroid is heading right for Westview and we’ll all be obliterated! I guess that’s what they mean by “getting stoned”, eh?”. And cue the smirking.

30 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

30 responses to “Regrets, Tom’s Had A Few

  1. bad wolf

    As commenters at the Curmudgeon pointed out, normal time travel stories have limits on the power, make sure you come out at the same place you went in, and have lots of rules like don’t meet your future/past self.

    Perhaps as long as TB is stretching out the meeting of Les and Lisa he decided to try to bread every rule in the time-travel cliche book as well. Well, what could that hurt (he said, stepping on the butterfly).

  2. I feel like this is the funniest Funky Winkerbean strip I’ve ever seen. Or at least the most self-aware.

  3. Nathan Obral

    I’m pretty sure that alcohol and a crappy marriage to Cindy really doesn’t result in an Ed Crankshaft nose.

    And the BM band continued to play on…

  4. Nathan Obral

    Look in the first panel, right behind teen Funky’s neck… yep, teen Les and St. Les the Righteous Smirker are still looking intently at each other. Good grief.

  5. Shouldn’t he be asking, “Why do you look like you’re 65?”

  6. Old Funky in that last panel…worst hatchet face ever. “But enough about the name! You wanna ask me how I got these scars?”

  7. SpacemanSpiff85

    Shouldn’t this be killing Mort? Suddenly he’s seeing two copies of his son? And what are the people who didn’t have their past selves doing? Just standing around watching, and not calling in the police and military like you think they would be?

  8. “So tell me…what’s up with your mouth? Do I have a massive stroke before I’m fifty?”

  9. Guest Page Turner Author

    But what is his actual name? His parents couldn’t have actually named him “Funky?!!?!”

    Being that he first appeared in 1972 as a teenager, he would have been born in the 50’s, and I don’t think white folks in Ohio back then were naming their swaddling infants “Funky”

    Great news to relieve us this week from this horrible awful:

    Bloom County, Bojack Horseman, and “The Help” are all in the collective mind again this week. Take that, Miss Marple!

  10. IT could be worse. He could have called him Groovy Winkerbean. In any event, no, no one was calling a kid either thing. I keep expecting Tom to steal from Archie Comics and tell us that Funky is a nickname for something really ’embarrassing’ like Aloysius.

  11. Thought I’d gather the strips dealing with Funky’s last timefuck from five
    years ago.

    https://sonofstuckfunky.com/2010-funkys-car-crash-and-time-travel/

  12. ComicTrek

    The name, huh? That’s it? Nothing about the nose? The hair? Your job, your marriage(s)? The fact that you and your friends will grow up to become the world’s oldest middle-agers in history?

  13. Sgt. Saunders

    Apparently, one of the ways he’s “made peace” is to morph into Harry K. Dinkle. Now make peace with that name.

  14. Merry Pookster

    “The Last Waltz”

  15. A HREF

    OK does this count as another time jump? Did Funky’s wreck, which turned out to be “just a dream” or “was it”?

  16. gleeb

    On a more pleasant note, I heard George Clinton last night. Give up the funk.

  17. I think his real name is “Perfunctory” and he just shortens it to “Funky.”

  18. I would actually give major kudos to TB if he were ending the strip on this arc. It is a better idea with a ton more potential than Johnston’s finale even if I’m not particularly fond of its execution.

  19. bigd1992

    Perhaps the younger versions will be so disgusted by their future selves they go all Jim Jones and drink some special kook aid.

  20. God only nose whats going on here.
    God only nose what’s going on here.
  21. Rusty Shackleford

    In volume 1 of The Complete Funky Winkerbean, Batty admits that he always disliked the name Funky. The name, while hip at the time, now dates this strip.

    The problem is, Batty is lazy and just wasted yet another strip on nonsense.

  22. Rusty Shackleford

    @TFHackett. Thanks for the recap. My goodness, Funky looks like he is in his sixties.

  23. Charles

    It’s amazing how lame Batiuk is about this. He puts together a premise that’s miraculous, with all kinds of crazy potential, and what he does is have these people stare at their “time double” and spout inane quips. That’s the best he can do with a time travel story. It’s so inane that it wraps around to extraordinary. We’re witnessing the death of imagination.

    I was going to say that next Batiuk was going to have a dead character pop up from the grave fully healed and aware, walk in to Montoni’s and have Funky just say “Oh hi, been a while, huh?”; BUT THAT IS ESSENTIALLY WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE.

  24. Epicus Doomus

    Charles: it’d almost make sense if the old gang was merely observing their future selves from a distance. But they’re ACTUALLY INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER and STILL making mundane jokes and brainless small talk! It boggles the mind. Note to Tom: there is no Pulitzer award for premise-creating, you have to write an ENTIRE story.

  25. Nathan Obral

    The ultimate shame is that Frank Bolle was a very good illustrator and cartoonist… about 20-30 years ago. Maybe as recent as 10 years ago. He’s in his nineties now, in an obvious state of decline, and clearly doesn’t see eye-to-eye with writer Margaret Shulock.

    Apartment 3-G is probably a bigger embarrassment for King Features than Funky Winkerbean is, if not because that strip was taken seriously for much of its run… while no one has EVER taken Funky Winkerbean seriously (at least, those who read the comic regularly).

  26. Charles

    Note to Tom: there is no Pulitzer award for premise-creating, you have to write an ENTIRE story.

    Yeah, his problem is that he doesn’t have the premise drive the story. He doesn’t come up with it and then try to imagine what would happen in his little world if, for example, everyone from 37 years ago just showed up in a temporal anomaly. He just comes up with a premise and conscripts it into service of the nine or so jokes he tells. He could write a story about the whole gang traveling across the galaxy in a futuristic spaceship and it’d all be about how Cindy is vain, how Les was a loser in high school and/or how Funky deals with his old man problems.

  27. Epicus Doomus

    Charles: that’s exactly what he does and he does it with every single story. The guy has zero imagination at all. Just off the top of my head…Crazy has a “future viewing” gizmo in his locker and he invites Les and Funky to peer into their futures. They end up zeroing in on the reunion and riff on how lame, old and stupid they appear. And that’s it. You get to show the reunion as it unfolds and you get the time travel angle in there too. The way he butchers the execution of his stories never fails to amuse me.

  28. Mister Miggle

    Nothing quite screams originality and artistic fulfillment like the face-front-police-lineup layout. Somehow TomBat managed to make everybody almost exactly the same height, which is some type of achievement.

    @Nathan Orbital: Last Sunday’s Apartment 3-G made me worried that somebody should check in on Bolle. It reminded me of the 70s Pogo strips where you could really tell that Walt Kelly was at the low end of his illness.

  29. Mister Miggle

    Follow-up: Wow, that wasn’t Nathan Obral’s name at all. My bad.

  30. Mister Miggle

    Also, posting about Sunday under the Saturday post. I’m going to take a nap now. 😦