A Brief History Of Banality

Link to today’s stupidity

“Hello, Mason? You’ll never believe this, but I was just talking to my younger self! No, I’m not drunk, they had a time pool in Crazy’s locker and…hello? Mason?”

The Browns gag isn’t that bad but otherwise yikes, this is some of the worst dialog I’ve ever seen in FW, which isn’t saying much as I make that statement at least twice a week. It’s almost as if Batom dreamed up the premise, then kicked back with a non-alcoholic craft brew, then suddenly realized that “hey, I still need a story here!”. Then he threw together whatever came to mind first. Cell phones, Facebook, massive weight gain…yup,that covers the last thirty seven years all right. Sigh. Too bad they don’t award Pultizers for premises that never go anywhere, otherwise TB would be at Home Depot every weekend buying new shelving.

I would figure that Mary Sue might be a little more surprised to be speaking to Lisa, especially given that she just put together the memorial board (featuring Lisa) a few weeks ago. But instead she’s chatting with her about cell phones as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to be talking to a young version of a woman who died eighteen years ago. Fat, stupid AND boring…boy, Batiuk REALLY has it in for those “popular girls” from high school, eh?

And speaking of Lisa, it’s absolutely flabbergasting that no one seems shocked, amazed or horrified that the most noteworthy dead Westviewian is suddenly dorking up the gym with her banal utterances. Perhaps they’re just so familiar with Ghost Lisa that it doesn’t merit more than a “meh” anymore. I know how THAT is. And sorry there Retcon Boy, but Lisa was never an “original” part of the WHS “gang”, nice try though.

Anyway, stay tuned as the always snarktastic Oddnoc bravely throws himself on next’s week’s grenade! Band boxes? Bedside Manor? Dead characters suddenly springing back to life? Find out with the rest of us on Monday night! Until next time…stay Funky!


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “A Brief History Of Banality

  1. In a good time travel story, this kind of “my, how times have changed!” observation would be a throwaway gag at best (consider the scene in Back to the Future where Marty tries to order diet soda in 1955). In Funky Winkerbean, it’s the Sunday highlight.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    What the hell is Holly’s comment supposed to mean? I assume it’s Batiuk trying to be clever and direct his readers to his website, but seriously, it’s coming off like she doesn’t remember what she looked like when she was in high school.
    And honestly, I thought for sure today was going to be all of the teens standing next to their future selves (and Lisa weeping in front of the Dead Lisa table), which wouldn’t have been terrible. But Batiuk has Mary Sue in for who knows what reason, and only three of the teens.

  3. I’m not sure which fat blonde is supposed to be which fat blonde, but I see an ominous sign–

    Les is nowhere to be seen.

    Stay tuned for a week of Les and Lisa moping and doping, with Lisa admitting in the end “It’s okay that I…go…if it helps you to be a famous writer! Your talent should not be denied the world, and if I must, I must!”

  4. Nathan Obral

    SpacemanSpiff85 on July 18, 2015 at 10:48 pm
    What the hell is Holly’s comment supposed to mean? I assume it’s Batiuk trying to be clever and direct his readers to his website…
    Oh! You mean the Funky Winkerbean website that is poorly designed and user UN-friendly, totally out of date with bios for characters that no longer exist, plays host to his incoherent ramblings about a fake comic book company (that doesn’t merit a single mention in his own strip whatsoever) AND sports and invalid “©2015 Bantom, Inc.” copyright.

    Unless there is a new, improved website for Funky Winkerbean that gets launched today, this is a piece of meta. Not meta humor. Just meta.

  5. Rusty

    This is truly horrific. Those heads would fit right in at the Family Circus.

  6. DOlz

    Never before and never again has there been a group of people who’s intelligence and personality that would be improved by a lobotomy.

  7. ComicTrek

    1. Why would Crazy mistake the phone for a coaster, of all things?
    2. Random fat blonde ladies everywhere!
    3. Heh. Those poor Cleveland Browns.

  8. DOlz

    Cracks his knuckles, OK lets do this going left to right.

    Cindy- This so called reporter’s first thought is to call her boyfriend? This should have been her ticket back to the big time. At the very least she should be live blogging it on that smart phone of hers. No Cindy, it isn’t your age destroying your career its your incompetence.

    Young Crazy Harry- While they might exist I have never seen a rectangular coaster. Calling it a Pop Tart would have been a better choice, but still not approaching a joke.

    Mary Sue?- Instead of correcting YCH on what Cindy is using she proceed to tell someone else adding irrelevant and confusing info.

    Lisa- Yes Mary Sue? fished the phone out of a river. That’s your biggest question of the night. Get a life… oops to late.

    Young Holly- Of course you gave up dieting to gain weight.

    Old Holly- You know what have been helpful, providing a website address.

    Funky and Old Bull- proving the old adage, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.” Of course the real reason is the TB couldn’t cram in two more word balloons.

    Young Bull- I’m guessing he’s from around 1980. The first Super Bowl was in 1967 (1966 season). The Browns have never won one and haven’t won any championship since 1964. So what the heck makes him think that 16 year losing streak was snapped multiple times.

    Having said all this it could have been worse. Dinkle and two Les’ are in the room.

  9. Monotony

    Last Friday Unicorn-Cindy made reference to “Babelline”; today Mary Sue plugs [the] Amazon as she addresses the reader directly.

  10. @Nathan Orbal: It gets worse. The ‘get in touch with Tom’ page asks for your street address and telephone number because he’s either too stupid to understand that e-mail ain’t snail mail OR he wants his lawyers to be better able to harass people with nuisance lawsuits if they bully him with cruel and hurtful comments like “THIS is your idea of a time travel plot? Having dumb kids ask dumb questions of dumb old people and go back to their dumb lives?”

  11. Merry Pookster

    Website? Surely not the Official FW Website. Hey Tom… website management rule #1…. Update it , oh say once every 5 -8 years.
    Tom has more dangling story archs than can be counted….I’m afraid dementia is one story line he won’t write….. because he’s got it.

  12. Nathan Obral

    “How many Super Bowls have the Browns won?” Hrm. Shouldn’t that be, “How many Pulitzer Prizes has Tom Batiuk won?”

  13. Jim in Wisc.

    @ Nathan Obral: Tom don’t need no stinkin’ Pulitzers. If you check his blog, you’ll see he won himself an IPPY for his great and brilliant Crankie-plays-baseball book! Of course, he failed to mention that he nominated himself (and paid for the privilege – which probably meant there wasn’t much competition).

  14. Sgt Saunders

    The best aspect of today’s strip is that Les is nowhere to be seen – either young or old. You’d think Les would be all over Lisa telling her the good news – he has written a book about her – and the bad news – Missy Lisa she daid.and that’s what the book is about. Further, Lisa doesn’t seem to be the least bit curious as to the status of her absent future self. I almost typed the word “realistic”, but I realized how outrageous and irrelevant such an assertion would be. On another matter, look at the size of Young Bull’s head. That cranium is Yooooge.

  15. bad wolf

    It seems obvious to me that the only page TB can update (has control over?) at his website is the blog. About the only change i’ve ever seen on the rest of it is removing the Cast page (maybe he got tired of people asking “When’s ”Monroe’ coming back?).

    I think the blog post about the IPPY mentions it being around the corner from his “editors” offices. Great to see CK has kept the publishing tradition of over-priced NYC office space during all the cutbacks in the newspaper business, particularly since its obvious Brendan Burford and the rest do no editorial work whatsoever.

  16. bigd1992

    I think “coaster” is a lame joke about “costar”

  17. bad wolf

    By the way, TB, many of those crazy cell-phone things have cameras that one might use to take a picture of a time-displaced younger version of themselves. One may even be inclined to make a bit of wordplay about “taking a selfie” out of the situation, which is how kids talk these days.

  18. Epicus Doomus

    I would like to point out (as I frequently do) that Batiuk has never actually “written” a book at all. His books are merely bound collections of already-published comic strips. So yes, they’re “books” but not REAL books, like the ones (guffaw) Les writes. And no, a one page forward doesn’t count.

    bad wolf: And no one takes a picture of a woman who died eighteen years before even though she’s inexplicably standing there speaking to them. If TB had another imagination it’d die of loneliness.

  19. @Epicus Doomus:

    This is sort of why Lynn Johnston is slightly better. Someone finally talked her into retiring.

  20. Rusty

    @Epicus: Which makes that whole story arc where Les wants to confront a college professor who told him he would never be a writer even stranger. Assuming it’s author avatar time, as always, Batiuk must think he wrote a book.

  21. I can’t quite figure out what’s wrong with the artwork on this one. It’s as if the drawing was handed out to three people (heads, torsos and legs) and none of them checked with the others what size they were working in. So we go from huge heads, to regular torsos, to tiny legs.

  22. Epicus Doomus

    Rusty: Perhaps one day he’ll sit down and write a REAL book about all the interesting experiences he’s had doing FW for all these years. Although it’d probably be more like a pamphlet.