Today’s strip brings up many Funkyverse Altering Questions (FAQ), which I will attempt to answer below.

So Young Crazy apparently lost/water-damaged the smartphone, is this TB’s cheap way of maintaining Act III’s status quo?
Yes. More convenient than a Neal Rubin Gil Thorp plot conclusion, isn’t it?

Shouldn’t I be asking the questions, not you?

Does that badly taped sign in panel 1 say “Smew Reunion”?

Is Les doing his trademark waddling off underneath the Smew Reunion sign?

Is that Donna, Holly, or Mary Sue looking over Crazy’s shoulder?
Good question.

Which words coming through the time phone in panel 2 are onomatopoeias and which are things Young Crazy is actually saying?
Judging by the lettering, “splash” is an onomatopoeia while Young Crazy is speaking “ooops” and “pa-loop”, both popular vernacular in 1978.

What hath Jobs (and Woz) wrought?
An immeasurable number of fictional computers made by parody companies named after produce (and at least one real-life example). “Pineapple” falls somewhere between Kumquat and Banana on the scale of bad to thoroughly terrible Apple parodies.

Shouldn’t Crazy have specifically told his younger self to buy Pineapple stock in 1996 or 1997?
Yes he should have, but because of his lack of specificity we were spared references to McHale Swindler and Bil Spamelio, which is a plus.

Into what liquid did Young Crazy accidentally drop the smartphone?
Search me… Maybe the Time Pool, though none of the gang looked wet after passing through it.

What did Crazy tell his younger self to do with the smartphone before buying Pineapple stock?
He, uh… Oh.
Sorry, FAQ over. I need to take a shower, followed by another shower.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Pa-Loop-aville

  1. Epicus Doomus

    I had the same thought: if the time pool contains liquid, why wasn’t anyone wet? Or did Harry drop the phone in the toilet (which would be funnier)? And where did the phone go after it fell in the time pool? What would prevent Crazy from re-entering the time pool and getting another phone? Or, for that matter, what’s stopping him from using the time pool to conquer the world? And furthermore, why the f*ck should anyone care?

  2. Nathan Obral

    If you think this is bad, just imagine how bad Funky Winkerbean will be in March 2022.

    Eventually this will come to bite Tom Batiuk in the butt. I hope.

  3. Replace the “splash” with a “snip” and you now know everything you need to know about vasectomies.

  4. SpacemanSpiff85

    I don’t think a conversation with your future self is the kind of talk you have while on the crapper, but Batiuk’s always surprising me, after all. And I have a feeling what Harry told him to do with the smartphone is to tape the Starbuck Jones Christmas special.
    And Harry, you can repeat hello all you want, but if your mouth is six inches away from the phone it’s not going to help.

  5. Gotta hand it to Batiuk, he has a knack for coming up with story directions that are even stupider than I can imagine.

  6. billytheskink

    Despite losing the phone, young Crazy could still alter his future by doing something with the conception of it. He could be the Alan Kay or Douglas Englebart of smartphones.

    Could be, but won’t be. Those two were willing to put tremendous effort into making their way way ahead of their time ideas a reality while Crazy grew up to be a mail carrier who shirked his route to drink bottomless coffee at Montoni’s and talk about Tarzan comics.

  7. Jimmy

    I think that’s Donna because Crazy REALLY wants to tell younger self to pass on her, but he can’t with her standing within earshot.

    I guess young Crazy took the elder ‘s advice to never have kids. That would explain at least one retcon.

  8. This is the stupidest way to cause things to collapse I can think of. Having Crazy drop the thing in the time pool so it can be found by some evil outsider not only slams people who don’t live in Whitebreadland, it also allows him to say that kids ruin everything because they’re dumb.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    Batty’s strip is a national treasure, er, embarrassment .

  10. And since Crazy is stupid, he didn’t tell him “If you drop in in the water, no problem…just stick it in some dry rice.”

    Ah, well. At least we’re not in Crankshaftland that has two little girls so dumb, they don’t realize that photos don’t enlarge if you do the swipy gesture thing.

  11. Smirks 'R Us

    Billy — two thumbs way up for today’s snarky FAQ. Well done.

    And I nominate PA-LOOP for the Batiuktionary. I’ll leave it to TFH to figure out what the hell it means.

  12. One advantage about having a story arc about something that is totally impossible like time travel is that you can pretty much resolve it however the hell you want and nobody can question you, since the whole premise is bogus to begin with.

  13. Jim in Wisc.

    @ Epicus Doomus: Hell, once I knew that I had a successful way to travel through time and return safely, I’d just go forward about 30 or 40 years and buy two things: a sports almanac (Marty McFly DID have the right idea), and a something that listed the best performing stocks over that period of time. Why bother with trying to change the anything? Just cash in on what’s going to happen.

  14. Professor Fate

    So why was Crazy in the locker? Really he was outside earlier showing off the smart phone so why was he there? No its possible that the time pool has rules and one of which is that things can’t travel in time (in this case cell phone signals) unless you’re in the pool but we haven’t been told that. It’s really a pretty standard flaw of the Author’s writing – there are things the reader needs to know to understand why the characters are acting in certain way but we’re never told, yet the story are assumes we know. It’s part of what makes FW storylines so baffling and may also explain the huge gap between the strip the Author talks about in his blog and interviews and the strip we read.


    1. Even if the phone is inoperable, the architecture is still valuable for someone to examine and reverse engineer it. A good tech is going to know how unique those chips are in the phone and be able to get a jump start on the technology.

    2. Crazy can still buy Pineapple stock even without the friggin device. The company is still going to be successfull anyway.Just look up Steve Occupations of Pineapple and say your going to invest money for a portion of the company. In fact providing this phone might have prevented Pineapple from gaining success in the first place.

  16. Nathan Obral

    @Professor Fate: The ongoing gag in Act I was that Crazy Harry lived inside his locker.

    A typical Batiuk gag fail. You’d have to have followed the strip during the original version in order to get the joke.

  17. Commentor

    Amazing. They planned The Coming High School Class Reunion for months and months, and the only people who showed up for it were the usual nitwits who hang out together all the time anyway.

    Can’t believe that BatHack would spend a month on a moronic, poorly written “science fiction” arc that’s totally out of character for this kind of strip. A month. And this might be the absolute dumbest rendering of a time travel story I’ve ever, ever seen. The notion that one could travel through time and not change anything is pretty simple minded. BatSlop thinks he wiggled out of the “changing history” payoff by dropping the cell phone in the
    Space Toilet. Really, is that all it would take? What a hack.

  18. @Westview Oncologist 1. Even if the phone is inoperable, the architecture is still valuable for someone to examine and reverse engineer it.

    “Terminator 2: Judgment Day,” directed by James Cameron. Story by Tom Batiuk, script by others with a broader vision.