Do maladroits dream of selective *bleep*?

Today’s strip

Les – * There’s no DJ here. There’s no DJ here. There’s no DJ…
Cayla – Wake up, honey.
Les – * Hate Big Walnut Tech. Hate Big Walnut Tech. Hate Big Wal…
Cayla – Les. Les, dear, It’s Cayla, darling.
Les – Oh, Cayla, it’s… you.
Cayla – Yes, darling.
Bull – Hello, Les! Anybody home? I heard the you were distraught by the the big… well… you seem all right now.
Crazy Harry – Yes. He got quite a bump on the head. We kind of hoped… uh… thought there for a minute he was gonna leave us.
Donna – Oh.
Les – But I did leave you, Crazy. I came through the time pool. And then went back to our high school days.
Cayla – There, there, lie quiet now. You just had a bad dream.
Les – No.
Funky – Sure. Remember me, your old pal, Funky?
Les – Oh.
Holly – And me, Holly?
Cindy – You couldn’t forget my face, could you?
Les – No. But it wasn’t a dream. It was a time pool. And you, and you, and you, and you were there.
Barry – Oh!
Les – Not you Barry.
Cayla – Oh, we dream lots of silly things when we…
Les – No, Cayla, there was a real, functioning time pool. And I remember that there wasn’t much class… but mostly it was a reunion. But just the same, all I kept doing was wandering through the background listening to Cindy reveal her insecurities and Crazy plot to alter the present with a smartphone. Doesn’t anybody believe me?
Crazy Harry – Of course we believe you, Les. *wink*
Les – Oh, but anyway, Lis… uh Cayla, we’re here! Here! And this is the reunion – and you’re all here! And I’m not going to coordinate the reunion ever, ever again, because I loathe you all! And… oh, Cayla? There’s no one like Lisa!


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Do maladroits dream of selective *bleep*?

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    So yesterday Barry said he passed out once he heard the DJ cancelled, yet today Les mentions that the BM Band played? Even though that all happened after he found out there was no DJ? It’s pretty impressive how little effort Batiuk puts into this.

  2. It’s odd that Les is so adverse to Facebook, because it would be perfect for his self-centered, self-pitying attitude. “Oh, woe is me, I’m such a pathetic, pitiful loser who screws up everything! No, no, it’s useless to sympathize with me, I don’t deserve your sympathy…hey, why aren’t you sympathizing with me?”

  3. Apauled

    What makes him think that he’s sufficiently important that everyone’s evening would be ruined by him passing out? Where does he get an ego that size?

  4. DOlz

    It’s time to form a mob with torches and pitchforks to storm TB’s house and break all his felt-tips.

  5. bayoustu

    “Ruined”?! Who is he kidding?! An unconscious Les- incapable of speaking- would immeasurably IMPROVE everyone’s evening! Best reunion ever!!

  6. ComicTrek

    Get real, Creepy. There’s never any class in this strip. No, seriously. How classy is it for your own author/avatar to laze away–and eventually BOMB–what potentially *could* have been one of the coolest and most eventful story arcs in FW history?

    I’m going to be honest, I had hoped all of these two weeks that SOMETHING was going to happen and maybe the arc would end on a relatively high note. I don’t know whether Batiuk does this on purpose to make a stupid point or whatever, but at the the risk of karma–y’know, in case I ever become an author–I will say that his so-called “writing” is an embarrassment and an insult to himself, to us, and ultimately to his “funkyfan” readers that actually like this crap!

    Besides that, I really don’t know what else to say. I don’t even know if any of us should continue to read FW at this point.

  7. Epicus Doomus

    Another pitifully lazy effort, he failed to resolve or even revisit every single reunion plot point he raised. Was Cindy angry about Les booking the gym? Did the Bedside Manor Players stun the crowd with a competent performance? Is Lisa still freaked out about being dead in the future? No one knows, as Batiuk felt that those plot points (aka “the story) were less important than making sure the whole debacle ended with a feeble bit of lame wordplay centered around Dick Head’s massive ego. Another landmark fail courtesy of the king.

  8. HAnzMFG

    Fuck you, Tom Batiuk, and you dumb fucking time travel story.

  9. Nathan Obral

    Tom Batiuk, if you really believe that Funky Winkerbean is going to continue until your victory lap retirement at this current pace… then you really need to seek therapy of some sort. Because it will be a landmark in ineptitude that no one with a pulse can comprehend.

    This isn’t even worthy of snarking. This is inexcusable trash that should have been enough to force the Hearst Corporation to cancel the comic and throw your butt to the curb. You are a horrible writer and a terrible artist. You don’t deserve what you have.

    In short, Tom Batiuk, you really are Les Moore in more ways than you realize. We all hate Les. Do the math.

    Funk you, Tom Batiuk.

    **drop mic**

  10. Nathan Obral

    I’ll gladly provide my own artwork to SoSF as a purposeful boycott maneuver. And I won’t force you guys to take down or hide my work by midnight.

    I could script something better than this “storyline” out of my butt or even with a full-frontal lobotomy.

  11. Jimmy

    At a certain age, if someone faints, you call in some medical pros because you are concerned the person is suffering s stroke and/or heart attack.

    I am pleased no one bothered to seek medical attention for Les.

  12. Rusty

    Ho Ho! It didn’t have much class! Wordplay, amiright?

    It’s like kicking a dog at this point.

  13. And we end another story arc being reminded that Les is a bitterly envious, condescending and misogynistic jerk who, when the chips are down, acts like a five year old whining for toys he can’t have because he acts as if he deserves them despite being unwilling to earn them. Also, he inflates minor screw-ups because he thinks he’s far more important in the scheme of things that he ever was.

  14. Epicus Doomus

    Les is anxious about being forced to chair the class reunion committee. His poor planning skills result in the reunion being held at the WHS gym. Cindy does not want the reunion to be held at the gym, although Les does not know this. The reunion committee meets and creates a memorial tribute to Lisa and some other dead girl. Mason Jarr will be unable to attend the reunion but he is still dating Cindy.

    The reunion begins. Les is horrified to learn that the DJ he hired has rejected the gig in favor of DJ’ing at WHS’ hated rivals’ class reunion instead. Holly suggests contacting Dinkle, who oversees a band composed of elderly nursing home residents. They accept the job. The band arrives and begins setting up.

    Meanwhile, in the past, Crazy shows the gang his time pool which is located in his old zany magical school locker. The gang uses the time pool to visit the reunion in 2015. They arrive at the reunion and begin to interact with themselves in the future. Cindy discusses beauty tips and the future with herself. Lisa realizes she is not in the future. Les hides the truth from Lisa with the memorial board and urges the gang to return to the past. Harry gives himself stock and comic book tips along with a cell phone to take back to the past. The gang returns to the past. Crazy drops the cell phone in a liquid of some kind.

    But it was all a dream because Les in fact passed out upon hearing the news about the DJ. He is upset about ruining (and apparently missing) the reunion by passing out. He then states that the reunion may have been a class reunion but it wasn’t very classy.

    Just read that and tell me that there’s any indication at all that whoever wrote it was even bothering to try to tell a story. It’s like something a middle school kid wrote while on the school bus upon suddenly realizing that it was due that day. You know how a snowball starts picking up size and speed as it rolls down a snowy slope? Bantom’s little “stories” are the opposite of that. They’re a big ball of premises unrolling themselves until they no longer exist at all.

  15. @Epicus Doomus: That’s the problem right there. We’re stuck dealing with a real-life version of Mike from FBorFW; he too thinks of himself as an author but his story-telling skills haven’t evolved past third grade when he penned the following opus: “Sum kidz wus lost an’then was found.” He squandered a wonderful opportunity to do something just to remind us that Les is a very unlovable loser.

  16. Saturnino

    “But it was all a dream because Les in fact passed out upon hearing the news about the DJ.”

    Pay no attention to that man standing by the locker…………….

    Maybe it would have been more believable if Les had awakened saying “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…………………..”

  17. Wow…just wow. So much potential. So little execution…

  18. billytheskink

    @Epicus Doomus

    In middle school I wrote a short story with minutes to spare before English Class that consisted entirely of mashing up post-Sgt. Pepper’s Beatles lyrics (or paraphrases of such). It made more sense than this, even the scene where Sir Walter Raleigh eats a marshmallow pie while sitting on a cornflake…

  19. Merry Pookster

    Tom Batiuk is using this Funky comic strip as a giant “selfie stick”.

  20. I think Barry Balderman naturally assumed Les fainted at his news, because like everyone in Westview, he defines himself in his relationship to Les. “It was TOO me who made Les faint, not that other stuff! I’M IMPORTANT TO LES!”

  21. Professor Fate

    Godawful even by the standards of the strip – even if ‘it was all a dream’ was going to be the end at least some effort could have been made to have something happen, anything. But no it was simply a series of pointless incidents with a comment on comic books. If this was a glimpse into the subconscious of Les More one is reminded a Dizzy Dean Quote after a baseball hit his head “they examined my head and found nothing” (may not be an exact quote.)

  22. Rusty Shackleford

    The syndicate needs to dump this strip and make room for Bloom County!

    Batty checked out a long time ago.

  23. Epicus Doomus

    Take the Bedside Manor band sub-premise. Logic would dictate that it could go in one of two ways. Either the band is terrible and it’s a debacle, or the band surprises everyone with a great performance. Easy enough. But instead, it goes absolutely nowhere and it’s not even mentioned again. So why not just use the BM band idea at another time in another arc? Why shoehorn it into the reunion arc at all if you’re not going anywhere with it? Why was it necessary to do a few jokes at Morty’s expense when he’s not even really a part of the big premise at all?


    “You Know What I Mean” No. No, Tom. We honestly have no fucking clue what you ever meant. We have no frigging idea what the point was of this plotline. Tom, If you ever want to know if your audience understands your work, read Son of Stuck Funky. That’s where all your readers are and we don’t understand you!!

  25. Newspapers should drop Funky Winkerbean nationwide. They probably never will, because no one reads the comic besides us, so no one cares. All Cleveland newspapers view him as this great local boy who done good in a special level of outright ignorance and incompetence.

    Berkeley Breathed is self-publishing the revived Bloom County online. Which frees him from editorial interference (he had a falling out over censorship of one installment of Opus that was a significant factor in his retiring the comic in 2008). And yet, Berkeley has his own concept of quality that Tom Batiuk will never be able to comprehend.

  26. Andrew

    Should we start doing our own version of “FOOBAR” yet?

    For those that don’t know, “FOOBAR” was a fan comic that took the very criticized wrap-up of “For Better or for Worse” and turned it into a remarkable time travel story that took potshots at the ending, made Elly a nutcase with a spellbook, and provided some means of retcon for the bizzare ending.

    Maybe we could use this as a starting point. Maybe the sentient computer could somehow get into the time pool and stir shit up. Or at least smack down on everything before Act 2 went silly.

  27. bad wolf

    Since the strip so actively lacks resists close reading, i’ll skip my own summary of points and simply note in passing that a dream sequence in a book, movie, tv show, or strip is fine–as long as it serves a thematic point or illustrates something about the dreaming character.

    @Andrew–i do like the idea! If TB isn’t going to use the fun parts of the strip, i say they’re up for grabs.