Herniated Risk

How many haiku
Can today’s strip generate?
Maybe four or five

Funky cannot lift
As much as active duty
Soldier, surprising?

Where did Funky learn
To lift heavy things? Was it
On a fishing boat?

Off balance? Ha no
We all know “Weebles wobble
but they don’t fall down”

A dove in the park
Up on a helium tank
It makes a high coo

So sorry about
Last irrelevant haiku
Needed to get five

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20 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “Herniated Risk

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Man, this is just woeful. An airport luggage gag crossed with an “old man Funky” joke, what a sorry display. Obviously there’s no “point” here at all, it’s just a clearinghouse for the various airport gags clanking around in that delightfully pointy little head of his.

    Coming tomorrow: “gee, these parking decks sure are confusing” followed by “gee, traffic sure is heavy these days” followed by “gee, these newfangled car radios sure are complicated”. That last one will probably be the Sunday strip.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    When I first glanced at the strip, I saw Funky’s “UGH…” and his face in the second panel and thought he was having a heart attack. I’m fairly bummed he isn’t since that would actually mean something happened.

  3. If this were Crankshaft, we would spend an entire week on the main character’s back getting thrown out. Thank God this isn’t Crankshaft.

  4. Rusty

    Old and decrepit,
    Funky lurches towards home.
    Hey, this is 48.

  5. Like Funky Winkerbean’s Ed Crankshaft’s back, today’s strip is the lamest it’s ever been.

    Is it March 26, 2022 yet?

  6. @TheDiva: At least with Crankshaft, you know what you’re going to get: a shitty comic strip centered around a shitty illiterate misanthrope who should have been in jail 60 years ago.

    Funky’s side profile in the third panel is so pointy-headed, it may very well be the reason why Zippy The Pinhead has been on his quixotic mission to find the strip’s “hidden meaning.” What a punchable SOB.

  7. billytheskink

    Perhaps Rocky isn’t short for Roxanne, but rather a nickname she earned by pranking people into picking up bags of heavy rocks. That’s a pretty good “gotcha!” smirk there in panel 3.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    Batiuk never misses a chance to remind us that Funky is a miserable, broken and joyless husk of a man, you know? The best he can possibly hope for on any given day is a wry, weary wisecrack, typically at his own expense. Like today, for example, which practically counts as a highlight. It’s why I’ve never really been able to hate Funky as much as I hate certain other characters. BanTom is just so relentless about it, it’s like watching a really lopsided college football game.

  9. SpacemanSpiff85

    @Epicus Doomus:
    What did Funky do to Batiuk, exactly? I get the impression he murdered one of his loved ones, or slept with his wife, or bent one of his key slabbed comics.

  10. Epicus Doomus

    SpacemanSpiff85: He saddled TB’s comic strip with a stupid and unmarketable title. And he’ll never forgive him.

  11. What really irritates me is that we’re being asked to see a woman picking up luggage Lardarse cannot as a further sign of his degradation. Remember, kids….Batiuk is a misogynistic dickhole.

  12. Monotony

    “Let me get your bag.”
    The pathologist’s report:
    Died of heart cancer.

  13. What have we learned from Tom Batiuk? Being bipolar may be no big deal, but duffel bags—wow!

    It makes one wish the Pulitzer and Nobel committees could levy fines and impose penance, as well as award prizes.

  14. I think this is TB’s way of slipping something “timely and topical” in and therefore be cutting-edge “relevant.” You know, female army rangers can succeed in this male dominated military. Fair enough; we’ve already established that he has an inflated sense of his own progressivism. The gag would be so much better though if he had her do something like, I dunno, sarcastically respond in a mock Scarlett O’Hara voice: “Oh Rhett, you shouldn’t!”

    Coming soon: Bull tangles with an uppity new female sportscaster.

  15. $$$WESTVIEWONCOLOGIST$$$

    Are we going to see them take the escalator up from the baggage terminal as well? What the hell is this???!!! Does Batiuk think this like cinema verite or something??!! WE DON”T NEED TO SEE THIS!!! Come to think of it we didn’t need to see Dead Lisa lecture Cayla from the grave last week either.

    Maybe you should try telling stories that people actually want to read about, Mr. Batiuk. I know it’s a radical concept for you, but maybe try it once in a while.

  16. superdollyllama

    Thanks for the haikus Billy! Made me laugh!

  17. Professor Fate

    Old off Balance weak
    he watches Girl lift her bag
    her perfume lingers

    not good a haikus but it was fun to take a shot.

    And the Drawing in the 3rd panel what the heck happened to Funky? he looks a bit like he’s being pulled into a black hole – all this proportions are wayyyy off.

  18. ComicBookHarriet

    Funky has decayed,
    So soldier girl takes the bag,
    Along with his balls.

  19. Batiuk isn’t writing this for anyone aside from himself. He’s got Lynn Johnston Syndrome and it shows.

  20. Damn, I was hoping there was a dove on a helium tower in this strip. It would add an element of interest.