In My Merry Batiukmobile

Does today’s strip have some meaning beyond the desire to take a nice hot shower after a long and dirty trip? Is it some commentary on the previously unknown but particularly grimy nature of Afghan soil? I have no idea, so I’m just going to tell some old car jokes at the expense of today’s most prominent feature, the Batiukmobile®.


How did Funky double the value of his Batiukmobile®?
He filled up the gas tank.

How did Funky double the weight of his Batiukmobile®?
He sat down in the driver’s seat.

Funky walked up to the counter at the local Western Auto and said “I need a new set of wiper blades for my Batiukmobile®.”
“Throw in $20 and it’s an even trade” replied the store clerk.

Did you know that the Batiukmobile® has one of the industry’s best front-impact crash test ratings?
The tow truck takes the brunt of the impact.

You can buy a Batiukmobile® in any color you want, as long as it’s teal.

99% of all Batiukmobiles® ever built are still on the road.
The remaining 1% were able to make it to the repair shop.

What’s the difference between a hard-working, intelligent individual and a Batiukmobile®?
A hard-working, intelligent individual will get driven out of Westview.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “In My Merry Batiukmobile

  1. Epicus Doomus

    What on God’s green earth is happening with Cory’s head in panel two? And the smirking…won’t someone PLEASE stop the smirking???

  2. I remember the end of the “Les Climbs Kilimanjaro Because Les Is Awesome, and Dan is NOT Even a Little Awesome” arc, wherein the citizens at the bottom of the mountain urged the climbers to “take a shower, take a shower!”

    I’m guessing today’s episode is something along the same line. If you visit the Third World, you’ll need extra washing to scrub all of that off you.

  3. SpacemanSpiff85

    I’m pretty sure this just has to do with airplanes being hell and everyone on them smelling horribly.

  4. billytheskink

    Once a wealthy Texan was visiting an Ohio comic book store clerk. The proud Ohioan showed him around his home. “Here is where I keep key, slabbed issues of Starbuck Jones. Over there are the collections of Tarzan with Jungle Jim toppers, and out here is the lawn I mow twice a year,” the Ohioan said.

    The lot and house were tiny, and the Texan was surprised by their small size. “Is this all you own?” he asked.

    “Yes,” the Ohioan said proudly. “This is all mine!”

    “You mean this is it? This is all of it?” the Texan said incredulously.

    “Yes, yes, this is really all mine!”

    “Well pal,” said the Texan, “back home I’d get in my car before the sun’d come up and I’d drive and drive and drive, and when the sun set, why, I’d only be halfway across my property!”

    “Oh, yes,” replied the Ohioan wistfully, “I used to have a Batiukmobile®.”

  5. Sorry, kid, you’re in Westview now: no amount of scrubbing is going to make that shame go away.

  6. Rusty

    What happened to Snowball, the white Volvo-ish wagon Funky had Les name?
    And where did Cory’s original nose and hairline go? Roxy is a schooled smirker in that last panel, though.

  7. Doesn’t he know that the military is compulsive about keeping clean? I’m sure Cory had access to showers in Afghanistan. And what’s with his hairline? Did he somehow manage to get Funky’s male pattern baldness by association?

  8. @Rusty –

    If Les had anything to do with Funky’s replacement car you can be sure it succumbed to misdiagnosed cancer (and probably left video instructions to its successor).

  9. Epicus Doomus

    And TheAuthor STILL hasn’t told us what’s going on here, instead choosing to focus solely on the mundane. It definitely doesn’t surprise me, of course, but it sure is strange.

  10. I’ve never been deployed, but I’m pretty sure soldiers come home from Afghanistan well showered. It would be more accurate if Corey was saying something along the lines of “I can’t wait to get my drink on!”

  11. In panel 2, the part of Cory is inexplicably played by the sexagenarian Teller, of Penn & Teller fame, but he wouldn’t actually do that, so it must be some tawdry impersonator.

  12. Epicus Doomus

    HAnzMFG: It’d be more accurate if he was saying ANYTHING else. Once again we see BanTom totally squandering an easy premise. “Cory Comes Marching Home Again” is like laying one out right over the middle of the plate. And as usual, Batom squares to bunt, then thinks better of it and stands there with the bat on his shoulder, struggling to keep his eyes open. The way he focuses on the most incredibly banal aspects of his little stories just amazes me, he’s turned it into a genuine art form.

  13. ComicTrek

    Sigh. I guess TB’s underlying implication is that Cory’s got “Post-Traumatic Dirt Disorder ” (PTDD) or something like that. We’ll probably see it brought up soon. And I’m not jumping to conclusions about that, either. Remember those ‘Santa Crankshaft’ strips?

  14. Great. There’s Army clean and then there’s Westview clean. Good to know. Also good to know that Batiuk can only see mundane annoyances and skip all that baffling and unnecessary character development and storytelling.

  15. Just imagine this as the third panel, and this will make sense.

  16. louder

    Ricky is the perfect female in the Funkyverse: Don’t say a single word, and just react to what the men are saying with a stupid smirk — perfect.

  17. Professor Fate

    I suppose that this shows that Corey wants wash away the horrors of modern warfare that he witnessed in Afghanistan but I just don’t think the Author is that subtle.


    I would want to shower twice to, if I had to be cramped up in a Soviet-Era Lada

  19. “…and I’d like to thank Henry for guest-starring as Corey in today’s strip.”

  20. louder

    PS: I, of course, meant Rocky!

  21. Jimmy

    This is almost as boring as the movie “Boyhood”.

  22. Epicus Doomus

    Nathan Obral: I KNEW that drawing reminded me of something, good call. It’s amazing how quickly Cory went from troubled to exceedingly bland, not to mention poorly-drawn.

  23. Jason

    Gee, I thought it was a comment on how nice it was to be back where there is regular access to hot, running water, as opposed to an active combat zone.

    Not every single thing that spews from TomBat’s felt-tip has to be total shit, you know.


    Not every single thing that spews from TomBat’s felt-tip has to be total shit, you know.

    True. A lot of times Tom spews partial shits from his accursed stylus.

  25. @Jason – So, if you’re commenting here, is it okay to camp at Crystal Lake? Asking for a friend.