Page Kept A Scrollin’ All Night Long

160213

Link To Today’s Strip

Wow, it’s one of the rarest FW daily strips of them all, a sideways vertical memory within a fantasy within a fantasy! You don’t see these very often. After reading about the Superman trademark saga, I wouldn’t say that “tragic” is the first word that springs to mind. But then again, my entire being doesn’t revolve exclusively around nostalgic comic book memories, so what the hell do I know? I bet you that whenever he starts with this story while he’s hanging out at that pizza place, everyone politely excuses themselves to hit the bathroom.

Again, one has to wonder why despite being armed with this information, retro Pete opted to sign over the SJ title anyway, but thinking about it ruins the premise, which is apparently that the Superman creators got hosed. What that has to do with FW, Starbuck Jones or anything else is a mystery to me, but apparently it still has Batiuk all worked up, so here we are. It goes to figure that he keeps coming back to that story, as we all know that “writing” for a living is a horrible thankless task that never pays off no matter how great you are at it.

It might have made a little more sense if he held off on this (chortle) idea until they finished the movie, then had them lamenting the money the producers were making off their work. I said “might”. But BanTom simply doesn’t do things that way, or in any kind of a coherent way, really. He just does them, that’s all. Like with all of his cockamamie little stories, not one single aspect of this arc made any sense at all, on any level. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he wrote this one in his sleep, jotting down various fevered comic book dreams on a little notepad next to the bed then waking up and immediately committing them to paper as is.

 

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21 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Page Kept A Scrollin’ All Night Long

  1. “Wow, this makes me wonder if, back in the day, Funky Winkerbean readers expected some kind of entertainment…” Cue photo album corners

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    The real tragedy is when your enduring legacy is creating a character named “Funky Winkerbean”. Especially when nobody likes him.

  3. Rusty

    Is this shit accurate at all? That’s the vaguest nonsense I’ve seen scribbled on paper since I was in junior high.

  4. SpacemanSpiff85

    Oh, and apparently they sold the rights for more than just $130. According to Wikipedia they also got a ten-year contract to keep writing Superman stories for the company, which I have to imagine in the thirties was pretty rare and probably a good deal. But God forbid somebody turn writing into a business deal.

  5. SpacemanSpiff85

    Also, apparently this sketch is a real thing, but it looks like Batiuk embellished it a decent bit and left some parts out, which is weird. It’s funny too, how Batiuk thinks it’s some kind of deep and profound prophecy that they wrote this about Superman, and it turned out to be true. So did every other comic writer back then, I’m sure. And 99.999% of their creations did not turn out to be smash hits.

  6. So, now Batiuk has reached the point of fetishizing first-draft ad copy for comic books. Can we get an intervention for him? Is there a twelve-step program to enroll in?

  7. @ The Diva – Apparently he has. If he’s so gullible to think this puffery is somehow prescient, he probably shouldn’t be allowed to enter a supermarket without a guardian.

  8. It’s sideways glurge about how a Great Big Company crushed good people under their heel. It doesn’t have to be factually true because it’s Batiuk’s truth. He honestly thought that he had no choice but to pull that horrible stunt at the end of John Darling because he doesn’t really understand contract law all that well.

  9. Chyron HR

    He has a head, arms, and legs!
    BILATERALLY SYMMETRICAL!!!!
    Leans to one side & FALLS OVER
    TOO BIG TO BE JUDGED BY PETTY HUMAN MORALITY
    Captain Stupendous Mr. Magnificent Superman!

  10. HeyItsDave

    Wow! We get a bonus sideways panel this week! AWES0MEZ!!1!

    @SpacemanSpiff85 – Siegel and Shuster and their estates wound up with a lot more than $130. T-Bats seems conveniently to forget the settlement they reached in 1947 for rights to BOTH Superman and Superboy which in today’s dollars would be worth nearly a miilion.

    But no big deal. I don’t read comics to be entertained, I read them to be lectured to by smarmy know-it-all assholes. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to see what Mallard Fillmore is up to.

  11. Since TB spends half his time at his blog republishing vintage Flash comic sleeves without express permission from the copyright holders (or so I presume), and since one could argue that the blog is not an editorial enterprise that would be allowed certain editorial usage rights but rather a commercial site whose purpose is to sell FW merch, there’s a subtle irony at play here, as regards creators of intellectual property getting the shaft.

  12. Rusty Shackleford

    Well Batty, if it wasn’t for those ebil businessmen, there wouldn’t be Superman comics. It’s not like today where young artists can use the Internet to do their marketing and set up shop for themselves.

    And Siegel and Shuster got steady jobs doing what they loved. You also got the same opportunity. Stop squandering it on crap and some real writing.

  13. Brazos

    I hurt my neck for this?

  14. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    And so the wanking and cranking continues with Batty on his soapbox about how the Evil Corporations stick it to struggling and suffering artists.By the way, for what it’s worth, every paycheck I’ve ever received has come from an Evil Corporation. Never got one from a struggling and suffering artist. I’m just sayin’. If a Big Evil Corporation didn’t buy the Superman idea, then I’m sure the strip would have swept… ALL of their closest friends.

    Sometimes I think Batso turns his comic strip sideways to weed out all of those who are not dedicated enough to his dreck. “If you won’t crank your head to a 90 degree angle, you’re not WORTHY of my great work — *smirk*” Waiting for the day he writes his comics upside down to see who’s REALLY interested.

  15. Hitorque

    So does this whole charade end with Pete Rattabastardo and Darrin marching into the producer’s office and demanding their “kill fee?”

  16. Epicus Doomus

    I can’t imagine that this SJ film ever actually gets made. Too ambitious for BanMan. IMO Pete & Boy Lisa will somehow quit or get fired before it’s finished and head on home to Westview to do “The Amazing Mister Sponge” together. Perhaps the movie will be mentioned in passing somewhere down the line, maybe not. But those two dolts becoming rich successful Hollywood screenwriters? Not a chance in hell.

  17. Siegel & Shuster made what was in retrospect a bad deal. Later, DC expropriated Superboy; after a lawsuit, Siegel & Shuster got a million bucks (in today’s money). Later, they got a big stipend and health insurance from Hollywood. Still later, their heirs tried to renege on the deal, and lost in the courts.

    Oedipus was destined to murder his father and fornicate with his mother. In anguish, he blinded himself when the prophecy was fulfilled.

    One of these stories is tragic.

  18. In yesterday’s comments, people started mentioning things like “Mesa of Lost Women” and “Manos the Hands of Fate.” I’m reminded today of another travesty that would be near-unwatchable without MST3K’s intervention: “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.” Among other things, Overdrawn features a bunch of references to “Casablanca.” The filmmakers seemed to think that their work would somehow gain secondhand respectability by osmosis or something, if they connected it to a vastly — almost infinitely — superior property. It didn’t work. It never works, as we see in the subject at hand.

  19. Professor Fate

    Hmmm – while the Author does self identify himself with the creators of Superman – in his actions and his constant attempt to cast his strip as the only one to handle adult themes (never mind how badly) he reminds me more of Bob Kane.

  20. Meanwhile Jessica and young Skyler are somewhere in Nevada by now chugging along in their rent-a-wreck moving van.

  21. Saturnino

    “Waiting for the day he writes his comics upside down to see who’s REALLY interested.”

    Looking at FW develops those skills naturally, including reading upside down through the back of the page.