Cardigan Vet-er

What is this? New named student characters in today’s strip? A rare sight indeed.

I think our last new named student character was Travis Tanner, who we have not seen since Bull told him to go back to class back in November 2014. I like to think that Travis left Bull’s office, went right past his classroom, and did not stop walking until he reached whichever ocean Westview High School’s front doors face. Good for him.

Anyways, Les seems to think he’s hosting a revival of “The Dating Game” with today’s panel 1 expository dump. Apparently, he is the faculty sponsor of “The Bleat” (which I guess is what TB believes to be the “modern” equivalent of a school newspaper), a position he takes so seriously that he is letting Owen and Cody decide which of these three oddly-named freshmen make up the broadcast’s staff after they finally graduate.

Let’s see, we have:
Contestant #1 – Maris Rogers – Maris is presumably the blonde in the foreground and is very thankful her parents didn’t name her Ruth Babe. Owen has already chosen her, but Les informs him that he will still have to play the game because the syndicate requires the show to fill its entire time slot.

Contestant #2 – Bernie Silver – Bernie may or may not be a vicious mid-century London gang leader looking to add Westview High School to his criminal empire by seizing control of the media. He sports a winning smirk.

Contestant #3 – Logan Church – Logan is “eclectic” because she thinks that is what high school kids who wear cat-eye glasses and over-sized earrings call themselves. Chien, sitting in a dark room far from Westview with a smoldering cigarette in her left hand, is not impressed.

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17 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

17 responses to “Cardigan Vet-er

  1. Is Bernie the “wily freshman” from the prestigious “bullying arc”?

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    Damn, this is basically the third “hot chick” Batiuk’s drawn in his strips in the past two weeks. I do not want to know what was going on in his mind when he did these.

  3. I’m guess Owen is supposed to be picking Maris because she’s hot, which I would believe if she didn’t look like Mason Jarr with slightly longer hair.

  4. Merry Pookster

    Right… Owen and Cody selecting the future students for leadership roles.
    It’s like hitler decided on his successors

  5. Rusty

    Batiuk cannot draw “hot.” Just blondes with big hair, brunettes built like skinny teen boys, and frumpy overweight housewives. Which is actually two more body types than they manage over at Zits.

  6. billytheskink

    Good catch, BC. Bernie Silver was indeed the freshman Owen attempted to bully back in August. Bernie’s status as a London crime boss would explain a small part of his lack of concern with Owen’s threats. The fact that the threats are coming from Owen would explain the large part.

    I really wish the syndicate colorist would choose any other color for Les’ sweater. This is incredibly disrespectful to the late Fred Rogers.

  7. Epicus Doomus

    Just what we’ve all been clamoring for…new Act III characters! Oh boy, I hate them already! Let’s see…

    Maris: the pretty (?) but vapid and insecure one!
    Bernie: the nerdy Jew!
    Logan: like billy said above, the eclectic one whose still waters run deep!

    Can’t wait for those tragic backstories! Oh wait, that was Act II. This is Act III, so we’ll probably never, ever see any of these people again. And BC I do believe you’re right, that’s the freshman kid Owen wanted to bully way back before he became the undisputed leader of the WHS AV Club, I guess.

  8. Hulot

    Continuing with Batiuk’s theme of creating new character names while traveling America’s highways, tomorrow we’ll meet incoming freshmen students Ruby Tuesday, Olive Garden, Lee Circle and Howard Avenue.

  9. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    A red cardigan and yellow shirt, just in case Leslie doesn’t look like a big enough douche already.

    I guess Batty is one of those Midwesterners who has never actually seen a Jew in person, but assumes they’re all kinda dumpy and nerdy and wear glasses.

    Maris Rogers? Did he also consider Rose Peters, Robin Jackieson, and Ivana Kissowen? Because all icky gorls need good joke names. [By the way, am I one only one who sees through the Marianne Winters vs Gilligan’s Island’s Marianne Summers hilarious name “pun?”]

  10. SpacemanSpiff85

    This is extremely weird, if you think about it. First, Les wouldn’t be explaining who these people were, what class they were in and why they’re there; presumably Cody and Owen know already. Second, every teacher I had would’ve just asked the freshmen to introduce themselves, instead of talking like they’re not in the room.
    Also, there’s only three freshmen who want to work on this thing? Considering the only people I’ve seen work on are Cody, and Owen and Kodak Eastman, the camera guy whose name Batiuk hasn’t revealed yet (saving it for Sunday), why are they only candidates? They could use all three of them.

  11. Since the point of this is to be browbeaten into taking on the person who reminds Les most of himself, I think it’s clear that Batiuk’s messed-up idea of what ‘quirky’ is is going to make the cut. And no, he never could draw ‘attractive’ because he’s too stubborn to take art lessons.

  12. Rusty Shackleford

    More characters who look like the old characters and who won’t be developed in any meaningful way. Batty has one of the easiest writing jobs on the planet.

  13. Time for another bad-sitcom trope. Hot female job candidate gets job because she’s hot but turns out to be comically incompetent, but it gets overlooked because she’s hot. Meanwhile, Logan is probably the most qualified of the three, but she’ll get overlooked because she’s offbeat, but she’ll end up being the brains behind Maris somehow.

  14. A HREF

    Are we sure Maris is female? Also looks like Bernie put on the freshman forty and then some comparing him today to him in August. Also has Les’s face ever appeared more punchable than it does in panel 1? Maybe as punchable but not more.

  15. bad wolf

    Oh come on. Let’s not even pretend like there’s any reason to keep the high-school setting stuff next year. Drop it entirely, jump to Act 4 (Summer is a teacher, Funky actually is the age he appears to be now), move the whole cast to LA… Whatever. But don’t drag this out any further with another group of freshmen we’re supposed to follow through another round of band turkeys, football playoffs and gay proms.

  16. @ bad wolf – I agree that it’s time the strip moved on. The Author will never do that, though. It would require an an amount of effort that he either doesn’t have or doesn’t want to put into it.