Great, Maybe Les Will Write A Book About It

Link to today’s strip

“Failure To Charge: Bull’s Phone’s Story”. Talk about an anti-climax. After all that, Bull merely skulks home all sad-sack and sorry while Dick Facey smirks away like driving Linda home was some historically altruistic act of kindness, what a dick. His “phone died” (actually it was working fine until he threw it against some filing cabinets but I digress) and he was unable to find his wife who works in the same building? Oh, that’s right…the head injuries. Interesting how a story about Bull becoming forgetful makes the average FW reader’s brain malfunction as well, although in fairness any TomBan authored story is going to fry some synapses, what with the total lack of logic, continuity and common sense and all.

This has long been one of Batiuk’s favorite tactics. He introduces a premise that’s rooted (at least somewhat) in a “real issue affecting real people and blah blah”, then that’s it. They never actually go anywhere, nothing ever actually happens and nothing ever changes when they’re finished. Then he’ll gloat about how he “explored” the issue of concussions among football players even though in actuality he did no such thing, he merely brought it up is all. It’s like going out with your friends, saying “hey, how about this election, huh?” then claiming you “discussed politics” all night. I thought he might at least try to wring a “what can WE do about this issue?” kind of thing out of this but apparently even that’s too much to ask.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “Great, Maybe Les Will Write A Book About It

  1. WOW. This is right up there with “I screwed up.” “Yes you did.”

    Les seems more and more like Tom Batiuk’s middle finger thrust defiantly at his critics. I would have thought there’s just no way to make the character less appealing, but Tom Batiuk keeps finding new depths.

    You know, Les might be a good way to explain things like quantum physics. You imagine a particle that’s ultimately loathsome, and look! Here’s a particle that’s even more loathsome. How can that be? Here’s Les Moore! OH! Now it makes sense.

  2. billytheskink

    Well, so much for my theory that Bull was the second driver to hit the late Boo Radley’s Jeep out by the Swifti-Mart…

  3. spacemanspiff85

    So Bull’s poor thinking, forgetfulness, and mental issues were all caused by football. What’s Batiuk’s excuse?

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Note how Batiuk took the most “exciting” part of the story…Bull storming off in a violent rage…and totally squandered it. Just like how he abandoned the gay prom couple or how he ignored the last sixty years of Cliff Anger’s life or how we never saw Cell Phone Girl again, he deliberately carves all the meat away from his little stories, leaving nothing but bones, gristle and fat. “Oh, uh, yeah, my phone died”…the weakest, most feeble possible resolution.

  5. spacemanspiff85

    @Epicus Doomus:
    Saving Private Ryan, Batiukian:
    “We’re looking for Private Ryan.”
    “That’s me.”

  6. ComicTrek

    If only there was an extra panel of Les’s cocky tilted head rolling off his neck and tumbling to the floor.

  7. I’m pretty convinced that if someone were to start a “satire” strip, like “Garfield Minus Garfield” only call it “Les Moore is Murdered in The Most Horrible Fashion,” the accolades would just pour in.

  8. spacemanspiff85

    Heck, just make “Funky Winkerbean Minus Les” and this strip would instantly improve.

  9. DOlz


    “Saving Private Ryan, Batiukian:
    “We’re looking for Private Ryan.”
    “That’s me.”

    Too much action.

    panel 1) I heard some guys were looking …

    panel 2) for Pvt. Ryan.

    panel 3) Did they find him?

    Full panel Sunday strip

    He was sleeping in his bunk.*

    *Tip of the felt tip to “Beetle Bailey”

  10. Epicus Doomus

    spacemanspiff85: Apollo 13, Batiukian style

    “Houston, we have a problem.”
    “Houston, we have a problem.”
    “That’s some problem all right.”
    “Quite a problem.”
    “A big problem.”

    Cut to astronauts sitting around in officer’s club eating pizza: “Man, the way we solved that problem was something, wasn’t it?”

  11. What Batiuk can’t seem to get through his thick skull is that his dancing around an issue is why people call him a failure. He’s so entrenched in not showing a problem or doing something about it that he looks incompetent and his characters look like passive jerkwads. It’s like how the lawyer on Crankshaft thought that Keesterman let Ed use him as a punching-bag so long, he had no case. We talked about the law and nothing happened to modify Ed’s behaviour.

  12. spacemanspiff85

    @Paul Jones:
    Writing’s easy when you do it that way.
    Here’s my great epic of war and love:
    “That was some war, wasn’t it?”
    “It sure was some war.”
    “Yep. Did you see those two people in love in the middle of it?”
    “Yes. I saw the two people in love.”

  13. Rusty Shackleford

    I got excited when I saw panel 1. I thought for sure that Bull was gonna start thrashing Les, but alas, nothing interesting ever happens in a Batty strip.

  14. “Quick, let’s totally pretend we haven’t been talking about his ass all week long! It’s not like Bull is smart enough to figure it out anyway…”


    Ha Ha Ha. Oh dear god in heaven this was lame. I really have no words. Seriously, you think we are ever going to revisit this anytime soon? I really don’t think so. Hell do we even know whether Starbucks Jones bombed or succeeded at the box office?

  16. @Epicus Doomus: Cell Phone Girl?



    And speaking of lame plotlines. All this fucking talk about federal action and it’s just Assman failing to sue Crankshaft? Why can’t you sue him? He willingly damages your fucking propert! And you still can call the USPS to press charges!!

    So much lame for two strips…it’s broken me!

  18. @Epicus Doomus:

    “Lethal Weapon”, Batiuk-style:

    1. Four weeks of strips showing how annoyed Murtaugh is with turning 50 years old and then having to work with a new partner.

    2. ONE strip introducing Riggs as his partner

    3. The touching Christmas dinner scene just before the end credits

  19. Krankenschaaften: Why is he even bothering to sue Ed, who is so poor he steals pennies out of public fountains? What he should be doing is suing the county schools system, i.e., Ed’s employer.

  20. Rusty

    The first panel would be improved if you can get past the squick factor and imagine that Les and the spunky Latina (I can’t remember her name just now) were engaged in some hands under the pants petting when Bull stumbles in.

  21. Eldon of Galt

    Yes, that really is some super-heavyweight class Les-smirking going on today. He’s so swelling with pride in his achievement I expect him to explode “Scanners”-style in a few seconds.

  22. Epicus Doomus

    Hitorque: Cell Phone Girl was the other driver in Funky’s car crash. After the black panel she was never seen or mentioned again, current whereabouts unknown.