Jarre Adore

Link to today’s strip

Finally. And what a payoff! It turns out that Mrs. Winters is a frumpy, Westviewian-bodied, patented Tomban “cute mom”-type who probably has the milk, cookies and comic books on the coffee table already. That BanTom, never afraid to firmly stick with what works.

Meanwhile we can probably assume that the perennially disappointing Frankie will use the dismal lighting at Marianne’s mom’s house to his advantage via the magic of those darn computer machines they make these days and create a scandalous video he’ll sell to DMZ for cash-money-profit. I guess he’ll use some sort of filter to rein in Mrs. Winters…uh…”ample” behind to match Marianne’s painfully bony and weirdly angular body type. Absolutely brilliant.  God I just want to punch this comic strip so hard sometimes, you know?

Seriously though, how much would some gossip outlet really be willing to pay for something like this? Maybe ten thousand dollars or thereabouts? I just can’t see how Frankie breaks even here, much less makes a profit at this. And I still don’t understand his motive here, did he choose the SJ production because it’s the next big thing and just happened to run into Darin by chance or did he choose to target SJ because Boy Lisa works there? Because right now Frankie is a guy who laid out what had to have been many tens of thousands of dollars at the least to obtain a piece of gossip worth a fraction of that, for no established reason other than he just does stuff like that sometimes. As usual, none of the pieces fit together at all and everything contradicts everything else.

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22 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “Jarre Adore

  1. What I love is that Frankie looks to be parked in their driveway, recording all this.
    NOW–what would make me say a half-dozen nice things about Tom Batiuk would be this–
    If Mason said, “Say, who’s that parked right next to us?”
    And Marianne said, “Oh, that’s just dad! Hi Dad!”
    And Mrs. Winters said, “Franklyn! Well, you’re home early!”
    YES. Marianne Winters is Frankie’s daughter, and Mrs. Winters is his wife.
    It’s stupid, but it’s the kind of stupid I can get behind!

  2. spacemanspiff85

    Okay, based on the perspective in the last panel, Frankie has got to be in the driveway, if not parked on the yard. These people deserve whatever lame, boring bad things are about to happen to them.

  3. louder

    I love how there is absolutely no other paparazzi around this famous star, co-star, and mother!?!? probably because no one gives a crap but Frankie. If there was money to be made off Pickle Jarre, there’d be a ton of other photogs hanging around. Bat “Hollywood” Hack is just painful in this story line.

  4. billytheskink

    Took a drive and followed you in a “subtle” way
    To go and meet your co-star’s mom without your fiancé
    From the drive, my cell phone shot two silhouettes in the door
    My one dirty lead was really a bore

    Put her arms around your waist, held you tight
    A strangely lumpy warm embrace, what a sight
    Wondered if others could tell whose silhouette’s in the door
    If they can’t then I’ll still be poor

    – Frankie Cali and the Poor Reasons

  5. Jimmy

    So, he’s just sticking with Jarre now, huh? Retcon alert.

    They apparently also didn’t notice Frankie following closely behind them on the at-least-90-minute-drive to Ms. Winter’s home. It would be nice indeed if these dimwits get what they deserve.

  6. spacemanspiff85

    It’s going to be hilarious when Mason and Marianne get in his car and can’t go anywhere because Frankie is sitting right behind them in the driveway, taping.

  7. Bobby Joe

    Is Frankie going to present this as a three way including mother and daughter? Is anyone at DMZ going give him one red cent For this lame ass video?

  8. The only thing worse than having to endure Frankie’s stupid plan and Cindy’s inevitable irrational over-reaction and stubborn refusal to listen to the truth because wimmenamirite is that not only are we expected to smile and go along with the stupidity, we’re expected to apologize for ever having had the sense God gave an ant.

  9. Charles

    It’s going to be hilarious when Mason and Marianne get in his car and can’t go anywhere because Frankie is sitting right behind them in the driveway, taping.

    Nah, it’ll be hilarious when they turn around after breaking the embrace and see Frankie standing there on her doorstep ten feet away from them. And Frankie will still have that “heh, I’m so evil” smirk on his face while videoing them with his outdated iPhone like a jackass. Ignoring everything else wrong with his setup, does Batiuk not know just how terrible video shot on a cell phone is?

    “Trust me, boss, that’s Mason Jarr and Marianne Winters, not some random blond guy and black-haired girl. Isn’t this just the scoop of the century?”

    And I’m sure Mason and the rest of the production will just accept Darin’s claim that he had nothing to do with his father hanging around the production digging up dirt. In fact, I bet that won’t be brought up at all, despite Darin undoubtedly getting involved before this whole stupid thing finishes.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    Batty seems to have two female models: The lumpy, corn-fed, Ohio raised type, and the angular 13 yr old boy figure with short, cropped hair.

    I live in Ohio and I can promise you that women come in all shapes and sizes here!

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    Well ok, he does have a third type: the never-aging Cindy Summers

  12. I will admit that “TMZ” (the TV show, not the website) is one of my guilty pleasures, so it’s kind of amusing to see how TomBat gets literally everything about it wrong. If he watched even a thirty-second promo for the show, he’d realize it’s not a gossip show at all; it’s an improv show in which the comics* gather material by moonlighting as papparazzi. They typically catch a celebrity† at the airport, restaurant, or other public place, stick a (very high quality) camera in their face and ask a silly question like, “if you knew your grandmother’s ghost was in the room and watching, would you still have sex?” Then it’s back to the studio where the rest of the dozen-or-so in the cast play around with the answer. Instead, T-bats gives us some guy furtively lurking around with a phone camera (illegally recording on the studio’s private property, and then probably violating stalker laws at the star’s mom’s house) and a “DMZ” broadcast that looks like it’s re-using both set and stars from “The Ble{ae}t.” Kinda reinforces my view that Batty’s primary research tool is a sigmoidoscope.

    * I am here using the word “comic” to refer to a person who tells jokes, not a booklet printed on pulp and dedicated to Starsuck Jones

    † I assume they are celebrities, as most of the time I don’t know who they are. I think that’s part of the genius of Harvey Levin; you don’t have to know who these people are or what they’re famous for to get the jokes.

  13. When I first read the text in Panel 1 this morning, I thought that Mason had changed his last name spelling to “Járre”.

    That’s all I got.

  14. @louder: Yeah, I’ve brought up on numerous occasions that Masone seems to get a *LOT* of freedom and privacy in L.A. considering that he’s a B-list actor starring in the yet-to-be-released MOST HYPED COMIC BOOK MOVIE EVAR and dating a nationally-known TV news anchor… Masone can go to restaurants, the beach, drive all around L.A. with his top down, take a stroll through midtown Manhattan and nobody ever seems to recognize him, even when he’s in the SJ costume…

    Ironically, the only time we’ve seen the celebrity-humping ERMYGAWD YOU’RE MASONE JARRE -reaction, it was from Cayla and her daughters (remember them?)

  15. Gerard Plourde

    @beckoningchasm – We’re definitely thinking along the same lines.

  16. 1. When did Masone’s car change color?

    2. As others have noted, why is Frankie parked on the fucking lawn, and how does he not get noticed in broad daylight?

    3. If Masone is this oblivious to being followed, why hasn’t Frankie regularly followed him when he leaves the studio? He’d get a shitload more money making a secret Masone-Cindy sextape with a hidden camera than he would implying an un-provable affair…

    4. Even though Batiuk gave a half-assed setup and explanation, am I the only one who still doesn’t fully get why the fuck Masone is giving his co-star a ride home, why said co-star (who is already a famous, well-established actress whose celebrity is almost certainly wider than Masone’s) doesn’t have her own car+entourage, and why she lives with her mommy in a house the size of Les Moore’s living room… I understand and appreciate this culture is all Batiuk has known all his life, but applying the same generic bland “Smalltown Ohio working class/Midwestern sensibilities and mores” -personality template to people who have spent most of their lives in Hollywood is not only lazy, it erodes anything that could have been potentially interesting in this storyline… Somehow Batiuk has managed to turn Los Angeles into an extension of Westview, and a movie studio into Westview High….

    5. Meanwhile back at the studio, Cindy is going on a shooting spree out of jealous rage, isn’t she?

  17. Jimmy

    One other complain: Use landscape, ya goober!

    @Hannibel’s Lectern: I’m now intrigued and will check out the TMZ show next time I come across it in the guide.

  18. Rusty Shackleford

    I can see this Sunday’s strip, no dialog, just Cindy making pouty faces.

    Ah ha ha ha, that’s what she gets for blowing off all of those loser guys in high school!

    High school was a lifetime ago Batty, get over it already.

  19. @Rusty Shackleford: No matter what axe from his teenage years Batiuk is trying to grind, Cindy Sommers-Winkerbean-Jarre is long overdue for a comeuppance regardless… If nothing else, she needs her appearance and age to be more in-line with her contemporaries just to illustrate how pathetic her behavior is, since it’s human nature to give more leeway to fuckwit behavior from the supposedly younger characters (i.e. Darrin+Pete Rattabastardo) as opposed to the legacy cast (i.e., Les+Bull)

  20. Rusty Shackleford

    Yeah Batty could have fun with Cindy getting older…botched plastic surgery, fad diets, etc…lots of funny possibilities. But no, Batty focuses on dreariness .

  21. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    You know…Frankie could probably make more money running his film studio food cart than he will selling these fucking pictures.

  22. Professor Fate

    I may be very dumb but who cares about video of the star meeting the co-star’s mother? Especially if it’s being shot on a hand held smart phone – I mean really? Who could care?