La Vida Patetico (Extended Disco Remix)

Link to today’s strip.

Oh. My. God.  Pete and Dullard are pathetic beyond my ability to measure.

Well, I guess working as a storyboard artist must pay pretty damned well.  The shipping and insurance alone on that garbage is probably going to be over two hundred dollars…especially if the treadmill is a fully-functional model that is being shipped fully assembled.  Although I doubt the treadmill “works.”  Museums don’t really tend to sell that kind of thing.

And when we last glimpsed Dullard’s house or apartment or whatever, it sure looked small–where is he going to keep that monstrosity?

Maybe they can turn Skyler’s room into a Flash Treadmill Room.  A phone call to the local orphanage would be the first step.  The orphanage in Westview is just bursting with inconvenient children; in California, I’m sure they’ll have no problems finding something similar.

As for the “dolly,” again I can’t comprehend the idea of wanting something like that.  It just seems (to me) like a huge waste of space, unless you’re running a comic book store.  Or unless you’re Chester the Chiseler and live alone in a giant mansion.  In that case, superhero statues are your best friends, and lord knows you can’t have too many of either, especially if one column has a big fat zero in it!

I originally was going to say that this whole arc reads like something from a huge Flash fan who happens to be five years old, but that just seems too mean, even for me.

I understand being a huge fan of something which has made you profoundly happy, and the urge to share that happiness by trying to share the fandom.  But there are ways to do that which work, and there are ways to do that which actually turn people off from the “something” you’re always on about.  This story does a good job of showing that Tom Batiuk is the world’s biggest fan of the Flash, and that he has no way of transmitting this enthusiasm (bordering on unhealthy obsession) to anyone else.

Note:  personally, I always thought that the Flash was a pretty cool superhero.  I only rarely read his comics but it seemed to me that they went out of their way to be scientifically plausible, and as a callow youth I appreciated that.  He’s even better in the animated Timmverse; the previously mentioned episode “Flash and Substance” is very entertaining.  Even better is “The Great Brain Robbery” where Flash and Lex Luthor switch minds.   Should I mention the best line in that episode?  No…cause I’m evil.

So, don’t let Tom Batiuk give you the idea that the flash is only for cretins, dimbulbs and creeps.  The Flash is one of the good ones.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “La Vida Patetico (Extended Disco Remix)

  1. billytheskink

    So the Flash Museum is actually an old Service Merchandise location? Yeah, I can believe that.

  2. It sure does warm my heart to see Skyler Fairgood taking his first steps. At age 3 1/2.

  3. Gerard Plourde

    So The Flash Museum is basically a site where fans are quizzed on their knowledge of Flash trivia supplemented with a permanent installation of a con’s vendor room. Unsurprisingly, this week served no plot advancing purpose (beyond allowing BaTom to have a platform to express his devotion to The Flash).

  4. spacemanspiff85

    “We” got a dolly? Are Pete and Darin officially an item, now?

  5. Hitorque

    I keep having to remind myself that these are two grown-assed men in their mid-30s… You know, most dudes that age get exclusive golf club passes or seats behind home plate for the Dodgers, or go to Vegas for a playdate with their mancrush best bro…

    How? Comics geekery is all Batiuk knows or wants to write these days — Why is he so godawful bad at it? I’ve seen shitty, long-dead webcomics that celebrated obscure, esoteric, true believer geekery a million times better.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    The Flash museum has a gift shop (with a customer pick-up area, no less) and a delivery truck manned by two lugs who apparently see this all the time. While I’m not as into comic books as Batiuk is, if I saw some forty year old guy carrying a full sized comic book superhero action figure around while squealing about his “new dolly” I’d get the hell out of there, as even Comic Con attendees would look askance at that. And another piece of the “why is Pete still single?” puzzle falls into place.

    And another piece of the Jessica puzzle becomes apparent too, as we see how she really must have her hands full with little Damien there. That kid looks like he’s finally realized that these are his parents and he really, really wants to escape. So Batom had an idea to work his beloved Flash into the strip and the best “story” he could come up with was to have some silly museum tour guide steer these two imbeciles to the gift shop where they both bought the most idiotic items imaginable. The only funny thing about this is that they both work in a movie studio full of comic book props yet the first thing they both do during their “downtime” is buy more superhero props. I assumed he’d have them nerd out over some rare old Flash comic and buy it but of course I wildly overestimated Batiuk’s ability to create a plausible story like I always do.

  7. It’s as if Batiuk is a member of the Rogue’s Gallery. We could call him “Corporal Apathy.”

  8. sgtsaunders

    Why all this sudden interest and glorification of The Flash? I have a theory. Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper is enamored of The Flash,so I’m thinking that Batattic is campaigning for a guest spot on BBT.

  9. @epicusdoomus And another piece of the “why is Pete still single?” puzzle falls into place.

    Pete’s status is about to change: according to the FW blog, mopey Pete is “soon to be dating Ed Crankshaft’s granddaughter Mindy.”

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    People, people, just realize that this strip is written for the benefit of Batty and his interests, his ego.

    Once you see it from that perspective, it all makes sense. Wait, no, it still doesn’t make sense. Nevermind.

  11. DOlz

    @Paul Jones,

    “It’s as if Batiuk is a member of the Rogue’s Gallery. We could call him “Corporal Apathy.””

    Or possibly, Private Indulgence, Major Disappointment, Colonel Crap, General Indifference, Master Very Petty Officer, or Captain Confusion.

  12. Rusty

    @TFHackett: I guess Pete never got anywhere hitting on Summer. There’s a mystery.

  13. Rusty Shackleford


    Yeah, what’s up with that? Summer must just be picky, that’s why she hasn’t had any boyfriends.

  14. Charles

    mopey Pete is “soon to be dating Ed Crankshaft’s granddaughter Mindy.”

    Which means he’s soon to be marrying her, since Batiuk will run out of other things for them to do very quickly.

    Well, I guess working as a storyboard artist must pay pretty damned well.

    I’ve thought on more than one occasion during the entire asinine Starbuck Jones movie storyline that Batiuk probably believes that every single person who works in Hollywood in any capacity is rich. So yeah, Darin coming in and drawing pictures that are never used for anything nets him a million dollars a year, at least. That production had plenty of money to throw around on even stupider things, after all.

  15. spacemanspiff85

    Given how often Batiuk’s had Darin and/or Pete fly back and forth from Hollywood in the middle of production on a major movie, I’d say you’re right.