Riddell Me This

Happy Monday SOSFers (well, happy until you read today’s strip…), billytheskink here to take us all into February. February is typically Funky Winkerbean‘s best month, by the way, as no month sees fewer FW strips published… Much thanks to Charles, who endured the last two weeks stalking the halls of Westview High School to set our daily snark tone. Your efforts are much appreciated.

Speaking of two weeks… Two weeks back, when TFH handed the reigns over to Charles, he implored us all to wear a helmet. Alas, that wouldn’t have done us any good. Not in this universe.

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28 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

28 responses to “Riddell Me This

  1. spacemanspiff85

    What the heck is that first panel supposed to be? Because none of those guys really look all that similar to Bull.
    Also, Bull, you had a mascot play in one of your games with no padding or helmet at all, so you don’t get to criticize in this area.

    • hitorque

      Oh god, how did I ever forget about Chullo Kid’s “Lucas” moment when I ranted about it for so many consecutive days??

      Since Batiuk clearly got away with it, I’m shocked he hasn’t tried to plunder other high school-themed movies for storylines… It would be derivative as fuck but it would still be better than anything he’s writing now…

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Yep, just two old (new) pals with head trauma, fondly reminiscing about sustaining that head trauma. Oh, the way we were. It all goes by so fast, especially when you’ve already forgotten most of it anyway. But seriously, is this all these two idiots do now? Don’t they have families and affairs to get in order and stuff?

    And the biggest question of all: does BatBore hate football or not? He seems to have a sort of bemused disdain for it and everything associated with it, yet he almost seems fond of that disdain too. So maybe it’s like with us, he just enjoys hating on football like we do with his dopey comic strip. I can almost respect that, although it doesn’t make the premise, the gags or the artwork any funnier.

    • hitorque

      Batiuk has always hated sports and (male) athletes, but even he knew they were a necessary evil for so many of his storylines, i.e., marching band/cheerleading/dumb jock bully tropes…

  3. countoftowergrove

    Here and at CK there have been references to Buck as Hank Hill, and I’ve gone along with that until today. Hank would never make light of football, tell you what!

  4. billytheskink

    Is a helmet a hat? Is a hot dog a sandwich? Is Funky Winkerbean a comic strip? Well, one of those is easy enough to settle…

    Actually, as I understand it, “hats” was common vernacular among football coaches at one time. That time being before the NFL moved the goalposts to the back of the end zone.

  5. redsnifit

    I know it’s not the intent but I like the idea that the comic is saying that Buck and Bull would be perfectly happy and healthy if only they weren’t trapped in the Funkverse.

  6. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    What the hell is that helmet logo on the bottom shelf supposed to be? The only thing I can see is Woody Woodpecker wearing a long scarf and riding a Segway. What would that team’s name be?

    • countoftowergrove

      Wasn’t Bull’s college team called the Emus?

      • billytheskink

        Bull’s alma mater is EMU – Eastern Midwest University (or Enormous Midwestern University in some recent strips), which TB has now leaned into to the point that it is the school’s mascot.

        Why the emu is facing backwards on the helmet, in defiance of the principles of all good helmet design, is my question.

  7. Oh, joy. A whole week dedicated to Batiuk’s imperfect and distorted knowledge of the concussion issue.

    I’d rather have a week of Mopey Pete and Derpwood.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    What happened to the lord of the late?

    Crankshaft: A warm sunny day in January and someone still has to complain.

  9. bobanero

    Welcome to this week in the Funkyverse, where Buttock makes another trip into the CTE comedy gold mine.
    Is it intentional that he’s continuing the CTE arc on the week of The Super Bowl®?

  10. hitorque

    Sunday FW: Six-figure Hollywood jobs, first-class travel everywhere, exclusive access to ComiCon, high-power Hollywood parties, virtually un-fireable because they’re buddy-buddy with the biggest star in town, etc., and these motherfuckers have maybe done five minutes of actual work in two years… Whatever it costs, I want to buy my way into the Westview Nepotism Mafia.

    FW: “HOW DARE THOSE EVIL SPORTS EQUIPMENT MANUFACTURERS FROM 1970 NOT BE COGNIZANT OF A WIDESPREAD DEBILITATING NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION ONLY DISCOVERED 40 YEARS LATER! WE’D SUE THEM IF ANY WERE STILL IN BUSINESS!!”

    FW 2: Bull, your ‘service’ for the old St. Louis Football Cardinals literally lasted for one training camp in 1980… Please STOP deluding yourself.

    FW 3: This Bull+Hank Hill bromance is going to be the Pete+Darrin of 2018, isn’t it??

    FW 4: Is it me, or is Bull pretty high functioning for someone with advanced CTE?

    FW 5: FWIW, when I played in high school our helmets were “bonnets”

  11. Looks like Hank Hill also had a severe neck injury in panel 3.

  12. comicbookharriet

    Ugh. What sickens me the most is that both Bull and Buck spend all their time reminiscing about football. They have no other interests or hobbies or responsibilities.

    It feels like a retired pastry chef with adult-onset diabetes constantly rubbing powdered sugar all over his body while binge watching Cake Boss, alone in his oven filled basement.

    • hitorque

      Yeah, we ALL know that dude who was destined for sports greatness were it not for grades, drink, drugs, injury, being known to police, or not being able to pull out of that cheerleader in time (or in some cases, not being able to pull out of multiple cheerleaders, the Homecoming Queen and the star softball pitcher in time)… Yeah, there’s no NFL/NBA/MLB hall of fame waiting for them, but they still were able to mostly lead decent, fulfilling lives without bitterly obsessing over the “what ifs” of their theoretical sports career… You’d think Bull’s wife would get him some psychological counseling or god forbid enlist the help of a neurologist but then this is the Funkyverse and wives only exist to smile and cater to *EVERY* whim dear hubby has, no matter how childish…

      As an aside, it’s interesting that 100% of the focus is on glorifying Bull and his life and we still don’t know how far Hank Hill’s career went or even what he did for a living post-football…

  13. I realize that this strip is all about the retconning…Bull’s team actually won, Bull himself actually made the winning play, etc…but this strip seems to imply that Bull and Buck were on the same team.

  14. hitorque

    Shoutout to the pun on the headline… When I first read the strip this morning the only old helmet company I could think of was Bike and I was trying to work that into a good pun somehow…

  15. Don

    I think I discovered the hidden message…high schools should cancel football and put all of the money saved into girls’ sports, which OF COURSE are underfunded – you don’t see any silent auctions with trips to Mount Kilimanjaro needed to save the BOYS’ basketball team, now do you?

  16. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Clearly didn’t beat BatWit’s view of CTE to death enough, so here we go again. Yay. Today, taking aim at helmets. Congrats, Batty, for being the last person on Earth — oh, excuse me, the UNIVERSE — to get the word that helmets don’t prevent concussions and CTE.

    I wonder how long Batty sat on the floor of his mom’s attic trying to come up with a cool, snappy comeback for Cinderblock Head. Originally, he was going to go with “mega.” But he remembered he already had Linda say that. Easy task for The Lord of Language.

    “Not in this universe.”

    What exactly is that supposed to mean? Earth Humans don’t talk like this, BatAlien. Not even in Ohio. Maybe try “I’m afraid not.” Or there’s, “unfortunately, that’s true.” Maybe Batty thinks if he can invent a snappy, smartalecky comeback, THAT can be today’s punchline.

    At least it’s BatDICKtionary-worthy.

    Nice try, but F-, Tom. See me after class.

  17. Charles

    Why is the coach telling his players to put on their helmets when they’re not wearing their pads? There is no situation in practice where you’d need to wear your helmet and no other body protection.

  18. Charles

    And for Christ’s sake, Batiuk. Pick a hairline and a hair color and stick with it. Bull’s hairline has drifted back and forth about six inches in the last month, and his color has gone through a cycle of brown, gray/brown, gray, white and back again.

    And if you’re going to claim one of your characters was an actual plausible NFL player, try to make sure that he’s the size of an actual plausible NFL player.