We Can Be Zeroes Just For One Day

Link To Today’s Strip

Yes, because these NEWFANGLED COMIC BOOKS TODAY always insist on blurring the lines between heroes and villains with their complicated dark, grim and gritty characters and (zzzzzzzzzzz). Five full weeks to introduce the premise and he’s already repeating it…some things never change. That look Pete & Boy Lisa are exchanging seems to represent “skepticism”, although it could just be shitty artwork. There’s just no way of knowing until next Tuesday when he (most likely) finally stops rehashing the premise.

I mean hey, if Chester wants to squander his fortune on comic book nostalgia that’s his business but honestly this entire “plan” seems quite squirrely to me. But hey, sure, go against the grain and sell comic books no one likes because if Starbuck Jones is any indication these “Atomic Comics” will be worth a mint thirty or fifty or seventy years from now, pretty much exactly when Skyler will be awash in his own comic book nostalgia, yearning for the days when he’d hide in the attic with his phablet reading digital copies of his favorite Atomic Comic titles, like “Meek Moon Mile” or “Space Penis” with a few fat-free granola cookies and a glass of almond milk on the side. If he’s really lucky he’ll find his old SJ decoder SD card too, but one thing at a time for now please.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “We Can Be Zeroes Just For One Day

  1. Oh geez. Batty and another rant on modern comics. Flash and Superman we’re so pure then. Google cracked.com and early Supes, he was crazy.

    • redsnifit

      To be fair, there’s a pretty wide gulf between early Supes’ shenanigans and edgy Dark Age anti-heroes and ’90s Bad Grrrrl comics. Even recently there was a torture porn-esque Batman arc with Joker ripping his face off and then wearing it as a mask for some reason.

      I think what he’s criticizing is the edgy shock-shlock craze that overcame comics for a while, and while Funky comes close to that I don’t think it _quite_ crosses that line.

      • comicbookharriet

        Yeah. Things do get ‘overly’ gritty in a lot of comics. And also, grit for grittiness sake because comic fans are like belt-sanders and grit sells!

        But the side-eyes our reigning comic schlubs are giving each other makes me think that we’re actually in for an annoying pedantic lecture about the ‘adult’ complexity of comics, teaching ‘important lessons’ on ‘contemporary issues’ and how you can’t turn back the clock to the ‘Black and White’ morality of the post WWII era as imposed by the Comics Code Authority.

  2. DOlz

    Hey TB if you really want to see how wholesome comics used to be watch, “Professor Marston and the Wonder Women”.

  3. I’m thinking this is the start of Batiuk’s revenge on people like Chester. He’ll launch this comic book enterprise, sink his entire fortune into it, and when the entire thing crashes into the earth, he’ll be forced to seek employment at Montoni’s. Pete and Dullard, of course, will be back in Hollywood after smirking at every suggestion Chester makes, and refusing to implement them, because “back in the day” and so on, because of course they will.

    It’s impossible to describe how much I hate the regulars in this strip.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Regarding the regulars, this strip could just be three silent panels of Buddy the dog walking around Westview and it would be a huge improvement.

  4. countoftowergrove

    So, is there a Spartan partnership in the Batomverse a la Batman and Robin?

  5. billytheskink

    So Atomic Comics will be pretty much the opposite of Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft? Except for being boring, of course.

  6. I don’t think he ever wanted to get over having the new writer on The Flash change the bullshit reason for why Barry could run at Ludicrous Speed. This is because he wants everyone to enjoy his being eleven forever…….

  7. Chyron HR

    Isn’t this literally Tom Batiuk’s own opinion about comic books? Why is he making it so hard to tell his heroes and villains apart?

    Or does Chester the Molester intend for Atomic Comics to flop, like Springtime for Hitler, and Megabucks Hagglemore will be financially ruined when they’re a smash hit instead?

  8. redsnifit

    Will Atomic Comics go under as well due to customers, er, “rescuing” the comics from stores?

  9. hitorque

    I guess the shaved head was a giveaway…

    So, on Tuesday Chester will ponder why “Some unheralded Jewess with A-cup tittays” was cast as Wonder Woman…

    On Wednesday Chester will have an extended rant about how all the X-Men are emo sissies and queers…

    On Thursday we’ll get the requisite “And why can’t there be a ‘WHITE’ Panther?!?”

  10. hitorque

    And on Friday Chester will propose his first comics title: “Aryan Supermen Boldly Show Us The Way Forward!”

  11. hitorque

    But seriously, did Chester even bother to check the market to see if there is even any demand for his little vanity project??

  12. On the plus-side, there is a small chance Crankshaft is going to die while bowling.

  13. So, let’s see if we can recap–
    Chester: I want to get in touch with Pete R____.
    John: Here’s his number.
    Chester: Thanks.

    Chester: Hello, Pete R___? My name is Chester Hagglemore, I’m a weathly comics collector.
    Pete: What can I do for you?

    Chester: I want to start a comic book company, with heroes and villains in the classic, Golden Age style.
    Pete: That sounds fun.
    Chester: And I would like to hire you as editor and chief writer.

    Pete: Well, I’m interested. Send me a contract and I’ll look it over. Oh, can we bring in my friend Dullard as art director?
    Chester: I’m sure that can be arranged. Bye!

    Pete: Hello, Dullard? There’s a chance we could be back in comics again.
    Dullard: How much work would we have to do? We’ve got a pretty sweet gig in Hollywood where we hardly do anything but complain.
    Pete: Good point…

    Pete: Damn, this contract gives Chester everything, I don’t even get to own my own characters! You know, back in the day….

    Sunday: (comic book cover)

    Oops, I seem to have skipped ahead a bit.

  14. timbuys

    RE: “That look” Pete and what’s his name are sharing suggests to me that are both silently acknowledging to each other that neither of them have the chops to pull off differentiated characters.

    Also, why am I just now noticing Pete’s tie? When has that ever been a look anyone sported?

    • hitorque

      “When has that ever been a look anyone sported?”

      Circa 1985 he would have been stylin’… Extra credit for rockin’ the skinny knit tie…