Just To Be The Man Who Walks A Thousand Miles To Maybe Get Around To Returning Your Call

Link To Another One

So, Pete’s struggling with his long distance relationship, mainly because he refuses to grow up and put a little effort into communicating with the great love of his life, Mindy. Just like his dear old pal Boy Lisa, Pete’s “girlfriend” is an afterthought, someone he’ll get around to eventually, probably. She’ll no doubt make a fine doormat when he finally allows her to marry him in some heinous comic book-centric ceremony, perhaps they’ll even have a seldom-seen comic book-themed named child or two.

Apparently the gag here is that Pete is a perpetual man-child, notorious slacker and lazy slob, which of course you already know, as Pete has been so thoroughly fleshed-out and developed over the years to a point where he’s a familiar old friend, like Klabinchnik or Mallory or Morty. A comics page icon, if you will. Armed with this wealth of Pete knowledge, you immediately laugh along with Boy Lisa at his good friend’s weary-eyed foibles. The work of a true master craftsman who’d never taint his work with some hoary old sitcom-style trope for a cheap chuckle.

BlehTom’s bro-banter is just as bad as his chick-banter is, especially when these two dolts are doing the bantering. Either move back to Ohio and marry Mindy in that goddamned gazebo or don’t, enough with the pathetic waffling and the godlessly plodding banter already. Pete’s discussing the woman he’s supposedly crazy about and he looks for all the world like he’s discussing his inflamed prostate and subsequent urinary issues there in panel two. This nonsense would be boring even if you did happen to be into hypothetical “old school” comic book companies and idiotic comic strip crossover long distance relationships, assuming such a person exists which they obviously do not.

I suppose I should mention Rachel but honestly, why? She works at Montoni’s, she lives above Montoni’s, life is already snarking on her as it is. Why pile on?



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “Just To Be The Man Who Walks A Thousand Miles To Maybe Get Around To Returning Your Call

  1. billytheskink

    Mindy should be glad that Pete doesn’t imagine what long distance relationships were like back in the post-war sepia-tone years.

    Scratch that, no, she should still be angry with Pete. Us readers should be glad, though.

  2. I’m thinking that once Mindy finds out Pete has thrown away his high-paying Hollywood vacation-filled job to work on obscure self-published comics, she’ll be the one taking–oh, let’s say, a couple of decades–to answer his emails.

    I cannot see that either of these two idiots has any attractive aspects, particularly those that a female would find interesting enough to pursue..

    • Epicus Doomus

      Ah, in THIS universe, yes. But the Batiukiverse is a strange and illogical place where things that apply on this plane of existence become skewed and warped into something…else, let’s say. In the Batiukiverse a woman’s role is to grudgingly and good-naturedly tolerate her beloved husband’s various quirks, faults and hobbies and nurture his childish side to the best of her abilities, while the man’s role is to provide a solid pizza, comic book, public education or dead wife-based living for his spouse while occasionally remembering to pause and acknowledge her existence once or twice during an arc. It’s somewhat archaic in a really stupid way but hey, these are the gender roles that have existed in Westview for many millennia and to violate those standards means permanent banishment. If you don’t believe me go ask Susan Smith, Same-Sex Prom Couple or Summer Moore…IF you can find them, that is.

  3. countoftowergrove

    Mopey is just waiting for the email in which Mindy tells him “that’s my gramps” has finally died, and Pete need not dread visiting the fetid dotard at Bedside Manor when he’s in Worstview.

  4. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “That’s what I said!”

    “Icky gorls sure are a pain, my darling Peter.”

    “So demanding.”

    “That WOMAN who hangs around my apartment is always nagging me to do stuff, like drive her dopey kid around to lame parties.”

    “Mindy makes me look at her smelly old grandfather!”

    “Anyways – and I say ‘anyways’ to show I’m from Ohio – I wouldn’t start a tiff with you if you took a whole day to get back to me, sweet Pete. Just as long as we’ll always be Caboose Companions!”

    “No worries, my dearest Darrin. After all, we’re always together!”

    “HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!”

    “HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!”

  5. spacemanspiff85

    What in the hell does distance have anything to do with Pete being an ass who can’t respond to his girlfriend? Are they communicating via mail, or carrier pigeon?

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      The “girlfriend” part is funny because they knew each other for about ten minutes before Baggy Eyes took off for California. But cute young blondes could never resist a WRITER! Especially one that writes komix.

  6. Jimmy

    The best advice my parents ever gave me was “Always chase a girl and move to be near her, no matter your academic or career goals. It never goes wrong.”

    They also told me that when I find The One, it’s best to sit in a pizzeria talking about her rather than visiting her when I’m in town.

  7. He didn’t learn sweet fuck all from watching what he had with Chien slip through his fingers, did he? He stood around like a shivering pillar of shit and just let something good die because he’s too gutless to act….and for some reason, it’s her fault…….

  8. hitorque

    1. Pete, despite the comic books and action figures and the never getting pussy in your entire life, you’re still technically a grown-assed man… So either tie your tie like a big boy or just take it off…
    2. Is Darrin literally the first artist who repeatedly gets hired sight unseen with no fucking qualifications whatsoever?? Never carries around a portfolio, never has any real, professional art he can point at, etc…
    3. I’m sorry, why can’t Mindy just move out to L.A. again?? I thought the only reason why she was even fucking with Pete was because he was her ticket out of shitsburg?
    4. Just your daily reminder that despite being successful in New York and Hollywood, Pete couldn’t find a woman to touch his peener even if it was wrapped in $100 bills…
    5. You know, this whole “Making critical life decisions based on being closer to the person you’re fucking at the moment” –thing never, EVER works out in real life… Yet it always works out in the Funkyverse…
    6. Despite taking two whole weeks, wasn’t Chester’s “MAKE COMICS GREAT AGAIN” plan/rant awfully scant on details?? I mean, where is the office this comic startup will work out of? Why does it have to be in the middle of rural Cancer County, Ahia instead of any number of major or mid-sized cities within easy driving distance?? Where is the rest of the staff coming from?? What about salary? I mean the two mooks didn’t even bother to negotiate…
    7. He *STILL* hasn’t told the wifey about the move yet, has he? And why the fuck did he even move her ass out to L.A. in the first place if it was only going to be temporary??
    8. So just to be clear, they ARE leaving Starbuck Episode Two while it’s still in the middle of production? That’s a really bad thing, right?
    9. I see text messaging and Facetime/Skype still have yet to be invented in the Funkyverse… And FWIW, I don’t give a rat’s ass how much she is into you, a girl raising hell because you didn’t call her back immediately is a red flag with an air raid siren…
    10. Regardless, even if he gets married to Mindy tomorrow, Pete’s body and soul will always belong to Darrin…