Second Hand News

Ooooooooooooooo! Rumors! Swirling rumors! Each one far too interesting to be true or even explored in Funky Winkerbean. Enjoy them now, because today’s strip is probably the last time they will ever be mentioned.

It really is too bad too… the most interesting aspect of celebrity mystery deaths are the wacky conspiracy theories obsessively promoted by space cadets with more imagination than TB has ever had. They can be disgusting, demeaning, profiteering, and otherwise awful, but interesting they really so often are. Otherwise, this Brinkel story is just terribly sad… which I guess, to be fair, is TB’s wheelhouse. It’s a really boring wheelhouse.

In true Batiukverse fashion, the police are having to hold people back from attempting to join Valerie Pond in the back of that ambulance.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

10 responses to “Second Hand News

  1. Epicus Doomus

    I heard BatHack will be participating in his local library’s combination story hour/nap time, as his “writing” is like Nyquil. You could easily sedate large zoo animals with this story. And no one from Ohio ever said “having a row”, they’re TALKING ABOUT an actor in the 1940s, not living in the 1940s. Geez.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    Here are all the rumors that swirled:
    1. Clown #1 killed Valerie.
    2. Clown #2 killed Valerie.
    3. Clown #3 killed Valerie.

  3. Paul Jones

    And of course, he takes the joke about someone paying to have someone killed seriously because no one wants to option this dreck.

  4. At least today’s artwork is decent. Hard to screw up silhouettes for everything.

    • gleeb

      You could bracket them with pointless “film sprocket” borders when they depict a thing that was not filmed.

  5. Gerard Plourde

    And, like clockwork, the plot holes appear.

    Why would Butter be violently arguing with a party guest that we have no reason to believe he knows well?

    Does TomBa really think that the big studios killed off actors that “jumped ship” to competitors?

    And how do we know that she was even a big enough box office draw that her departure would affect the studio’s bottom line in an way?

    And if her fingerprints were the only identifiable ones on the gun, why would the police suspect foul play and how would they be able to assemble a manageable list of suspects from all of the partygoers?