No End Indict

Today’s strip really does the “trial of the century” justice, all but finishing it up in two panels…

Really, though, “trial of the century” ain’t saying all that much. If the Batiukverse is anything like our own, this would be the one of dozens of “trials of the century”, even during its own 1940s-ish time period.

So is this what is complete of Cindy’s documentary so far? Is this a documentary that was already made about Brinkel, thus doing half of Cindy’s job for her? Did Jess just sleep through this whole week of strips and is just now waking up? Will we ever really find out? Do we really care? Does TB care?

(No, Yes, Probably, Not Likely, No, Absolutely Not)

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24 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “No End Indict

  1. spacemanspiff85

    Am I remembering wrong, or wasn’t Cliff’s trial the trial of the century? Even though it wasn’t a trial but a hearing? I seem to remember Batiuk using this phrase real recently.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Sigh. So it’s either the monkey or some weird boring plot twist so far out of right field that no sane human could have possibly seen it coming. I’m certain it’s one of those two things. I’m confused as to what’s actually going on here too. Is this the documentary they’re making or is it the one that’s playing in their heads as they read the story? And if that’s the case, which head? Both of them? At the same time? Sigh.

  3. Gerard Plourde

    What exactly was the circumstantial evidence they used to indict? The only identifiable fingerprints on the weapon eloped to the victim.

    Did they find anything that would tie him to the crime other than the fact that the victim died there during the party?

    And if Butter was such a hot commodity for Excelsior Pictures, wouldn’t there have been a concerted effort on the studio’s part to find exculpatory evidence?

  4. erdmann

    Refused to testify, eh? Clearly the fiend was guilty!

    I suspect we can add the Constitution to the ever-growing list of things TB doesn’t understand.

  5. Rusty Shackleford

    And I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling gals…

  6. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Maybe it’s best that BB doesn’t testify.

    “The monkey did it! It was the monkey, I tell ya! The monkeyyyyy!!”

  7. Paul Jones

    Only to an idiot does not testifying mean that he’s guilty. Then again, Messica was too stupid to actually tell Plantman that he shot her dad for nothing.

  8. Charles

    I knew Batiuk would reveal his ignorance of legal terms at some point in this storyline. The guy doesn’t know what circumstantial evidence is and he’s so ignorant of his own lack of knowledge that he didn’t even think to look it up to find out what it is.

    There’s nothing *wrong* with circumstantial evidence. Plenty of criminal convictions are secured only with circumstantial evidence. Circumstantial evidence is any evidence that requires a judge/jury to draw an inference in order connect it to a conclusion. Evidence that’s not circumstantial is limited to two things: an eyewitness account or a confession. Everything else requires an inference. Buttery obviously hasn’t confessed to the crime, and it’s already been established that there was no eyewitness. So obviously all evidence concerning the murder will be circumstantial.

    I mean, fucking hell, if you lived next door to me and heard my wife and me having an argument, punctuated with a gunshot, followed by watching me drag my dead wife out to the trunk of my car in a garbage bag, THAT’S ALL CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE. You never actually saw me kill her. You need to draw the inference that none of the things you actually witnessed would have occurred had I not been the one to kill my wife.

    Hell, if Buttery’s fingerprints had been all over that murder weapon, that would have been circumstantial evidence. If he had scratches on his body consistent with the width of cut-rate Veronica Lake’s fingers, with his skin underneath her fingernails, that’s still circumstantial evidence. Fuck, if someone had run in after hearing a gunshot and saw Buttery standing over her dead, gunshot body with a smoking gun, THAT’S CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE TOO.

    Christ, this is only going to get worse, isn’t it?

    • Gerard Plourde

      Excellent points. It’s mind-boggling how hurried and incomplete each story arc is. He brags how he works up to a year in advance and I have no reason to doubt that he does strips that far ahead, but he appears to do little to no research on an topic he writes about.

    • Professor Fate

      Late to read this but well done. Well done indeed. -Pointing out that even by the standards set by this strip this is a massively sloppy and half assed story arc.

  9. Epicus Doomus

    Seriously though, other than SoSF regulars is there anyone on Earth who’s really invested in seeing how this story plays out? I mean like someone who’s going to wake up nine Fridays from now, grab their phone and think “oh boy today’s the day when we find out who killed Veronica Pond!”. Because if such a person exists I really wish they’d post here, just so there’s verification that someone, somewhere does indeed care about this. In all the time I’ve been a regular here I can’t recall a specific pro-FW comment from a genuine pro-FW fan or even a “you people make me sick how dare you mock FW” type comment either. It’s not like we’re blocking them all or anything, it just never comes up. We’ve had a few parody FW fan comments here and there but we here at SoSF feel that sort of thing is just too meta, generally speaking. And every once in a while BatYak cranks out an individual strip that doesn’t disgust and/or bore everyone and gets some mild plaudits. But no “real” FW fans ever appear…ever.

    “Hey…wait a minute! That monkey, Zanzibar! What if, and I’m just speculating here, but what if Butter was refusing to testify because Zanzibar did it and Butter was afraid they’d take him away?”

    (Eleven weeks later) “Oh, it was the jealous calliope player? Hmmm, I didn’t see that coming at all. Man, FW always leaves you guessing, man!”

    That’s the person I want to hear from, as it’d be absolutely fascinating, as it’d be quite interesting to interact with someone I have so little in common with. It’d be like contacting a previously unknown tribe, but without the poisonous arrows and such.

    • comicbookharriet

      How do you know FW fans don’t regularly carry poison arrows? Circumstantial evidence?

    • We’ve had pro-FW people post here, and we’ve always been polite and welcoming. And we always ask the same question, non-snarkily: “So, what is it that you like about FW?”

      And the answer is always the same, “Oh, I just remember it from when it was funny.”

      • Epicus Doomus

        It’s just extremely rare, IMO surprisingly so given how long the freaking thing has been running. Real FW fans are more than welcome to post here, of course, and not because I’d enjoy seeing everyone gang up on them or anything, but because in all my years of reading this thing I’ve never met anyone else in “real life” who’s even heard of it, much less someone who reads it. IMO it’s a key piece of the puzzle re: the enduring mystery of FW’s existence.

        • Remember FunkyFan, from Comics Kingdom? That guy had to be an epic troll. Otherwise I can’t imagine him feeding himself…which, huh, maybe why he stopped posting.

    • Charles

      While it may not have seemed like it, Reflex76 was absolutely a fan. I encountered the guy nearly 20 years ago and there’s no question that he likes the comics he defends/praises.

      He’s also a huge desperate fan of the “Homely Nice Guy gets the girl” trope, which was why he took such a personal exception to our comments about Gross John, who Nice Guy’d his way into marrying Becky. If we were also mocking Gunther and Brad from Luann here, he probably would have hunted one of us down for our trespasses.

      Anyway, he’s such a devoted fan to these strips that I believe he’s been banned from every comics-based curated discussion board on the internet.

      • Epicus Doomus

        In all the years I’ve been here nothing about it has surprised me more than the lack of “you people make me sick” posts. The early Act III Wally stories generated a few, which is understandable given the subject matter. But all in all it’s been years since we’ve gotten one, I can’t even remember when or what it might have been about.

  10. So, Brinkle is going to throw his career away to protect his chimp. Just like Cliff threw away his career for…some dumb reason, I don’t remember. And Susan Smith threw away her career to save Les Moore. And Lisa threw her life away to save Les Moore. Sure are a lot of people throwing their careers away, and none of them are cartoonists.

    I have a feeling Batiuk has fantasies where he is called as an expert witness and just brings the proceedings to a shambles with his devastatingly witty replies. In reality, of course, he’d be shocked to find himself held in contempt.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Jessica threw away her career once too, but now she apparently got it back. Boy Lisa threw away his Big City MBA career and lucked into becoming a professional Hollywood doodler, then threw THAT away to go draw comic books in Ohio. Dick Facey threw away a made-for-TV movie. Frankie threw away a small fortune on that expensive-looking Film Food truck. Cory threw away the world’s greatest SJ collection for a pawn shop engagement ring. Bull threw away his memory and Funky and Cayla have thrown away their dignity too many times to count. A whole bunch of characters have seemingly thrown away their kids, too.

    • Charles

      Not to be a technical ass about it, but Susan didn’t save Les at all. Nate wasn’t going to fire him if Susan didn’t ‘fess up and quit. If Batiuk thought that’s what would’ve happened in that situation, he’s even more absurdly out of touch with how the world works than I think, and I think he’s very out of touch.

      Susan just quit and took responsibility because she knew that she’d never have Les, so she no longer had any reason to continue working at Westview. That she saved him from what would have been, at worst, a mild rebuke in his employee file was a bonus.

  11. Batgirl

    Huh. When did they stop putting quote marks around “Butter” Brinkel?
    I guess I could go back through the … No. No, I couldn’t.