Dead/Missing Children=Comedy Gold

“Hahaha, people dying or missing is hilarious!”-Tom Batiuk, who brought you Lisa’s Story, Bull’s Story, Susan’s Attempted Story, Jacques Stropp’s Off-Camera Story, Wally’s Simulated Video Game Story, and Wally’s MIA Story, all of which were Very, Very Serious and must not be mocked because just because they’re called the funny pages doesn’t mean they have to be funny.
In “Adding Hedge Funds to Your Joke Attempt Adds Nothing, Vol. 2” we have “Varies by district”, which adds nothing. Apart from “haha, educators come from different districts, that’s the gritty realism we’ve come to expect from this quarter inch from reality strip”.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “Dead/Missing Children=Comedy Gold

  1. Even the characters don’t find this funny. Or is this supposed to be serious and thought-provoking?

  2. CRM114

    Wonder what it’s really like when he goes to these conventions. They’re like, “Ohh, crap, it’s Batiuk!…Did he see us?…Don’t think so….Let’s get outta here before he starts pushing those Lisa things on us again.”

  3. William Thompson

    Batiuk, my therapist loves a challenge. Can I give you her number?

  4. William Thompson

    It only took Batiuk a couple of decades to make and bungle a “No Child Left Behind” joke.

    • ian'sdrunkenbeard

      I hope you appreciate my superb graphic skills.

      • Saturnino

        We do!

        And actually, this one reminded me of something back in my just post-HS days.

        A bunch of guys actually did go to a strip club and found one of our teachers performing there………………………..

  5. Paul Jones

    How do we report this atrocity to the National Center for Missing And Exploited Children? They need to know about this so they can land on Batiuk with both feet and rid the world of him.

    • William Thompson

      What are the odds that last year Batiuk promised then he’d help raise awareness of the problem?

  6. billytheskink

    At last, we get the story behind Livinia’s fate!

  7. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Eventually, these two idiots leave the Ohio Music Educators Conference and return to school. Princ’pal Nate asks, “So how goes the Ohio Music Educators Conference?”

    “We mainly walked around the Ohio Music Educators Conference and smirked at the signs for goofy and useless breakout sessions. None of them were about music.”

    “Did you get any new ideas at the Ohio Music Educators Conference? Learn about new products?”

    “No. All the booths at the Ohio Music Educators Conference had signs with clefs and notes on them, so we knew they were in some way vaguely music related, but we kept them in the background.”

    “Hmmmfff. Sounds like the Ohio Music Educators Conference was a waste of time and the money we spent sending you there, and the classroom time you lost while attending the Ohio Music Educators Conference.”

    “Well, we did see a lot of people much less attractive than ourselves on Friday.”


    “At the Ohio Music Educators Conference.”

  8. Gerard Plourde

    I think today’s offering is a shining example of TomBa’s cluelessness. I can imagine the following scenario happening at his table in the vendors’ area of the OMEA convention:

    Attendee buys a volume of FW (early one with lots of pre-retirement Dinkle). Small talk ensues. Attendee mentions the travails of shepherding a crowd of teenagers on band trips and ends with some snarky remark along the lines of “you can go home without a couple of kids, but how many depends on the school district.”

    TomBa laughs and files the punchline away for future use, not realizing that context is everything.

  9. Chyron HR

    In “Adding Hedge Funds to Your Joke Attempt Adds Nothing, Vol. 2” we have “Varies by district”, which adds nothing.

    It would be uncharitable of me to assume it’s a racist joke. So I’m going to assume it’s a racist joke.

  10. Perfect Tommy

    Wasn’t Carlos Ghosn on a band trip in Tokyo?

  11. Banana Jr. 6000

    So today’s Funky Winkerbean is about Ohio, school trips, missing children, and some victims being more important than others. Is this supposed to be an Ariel Castro joke?

  12. bigd1992

    If only Les had been in the band and lost on a trip…