Who knew there was this much sexual innuendo in “Lisa’s Story”? “Big boy”??? Who wrote this, Mae West? I mean seriously, what the hell is this? I’ve never said this before but even a comic book cover would beat whatever this was supposed to be. Yuck.
Month: June 2020
A Ripping Poor Yarn
Now he’s snidely mocking the actresses’ hair (which looks brown from here, bub), like HE has room to talk. Paulie Walnuts called, he wants his look back. Apparently the whole “theme” here is that Les is going to carry on like a gigantic asshole over every single detail of the production, which should make for a fun two years. It’s almost as if Les/Tom doesn’t understand that they’re actors who are capable of changing their “look” and not just random people who may or may not look exactly like Lisa. I mean Marlon Brando wasn’t a mumbling deranged lunatic warlord living in the jungle and decapitating people in real life, it was only a movie. Idiot.
I’d Like To Wrap His Head Around A Javelin
What a dick. They make all these aspiring young actresses audition for a role they have no chance of getting just to appease Les’ Lisa fanaticism and meanwhile the bearded dick with ears smugly sits there picking apart their looks and previous roles like he’s some sort of Hollywood kingmaker and not just a whiny douche from Ohio…the boring part of Ohio, no less. In reality that anon-o-character looks alarmingly like Lisa did during her annoying poodle head phase, but Les saw her in some shitty movie on the plane so adios, sucker. His entitlement knows no bounds. God I just despise him so much and he’s around all the time now, like every day for weeks and weeks and weeks on end. As bad as FW is without him it’s just so, so much worse when he’s around.
To Bespectacled Or Not To Bespectacled
Way to pad the strip out with oversized dialog-free panels where nothing happens, Pulitzer (nominee) Boy. “This is what a real casting session looks like!”…big f*cking deal. I assumed it looked something like that but I never cared enough to verify it, so thanks there, Tom. “Only to see”…there’s a gag so old and so musty he had to spray it with Pledge before he used it. There’s only one word that aptly describes this one…”duh”.
Why are Les and Cindy sitting there at all? The idea that Mason needs to stage this charade in order to sway a recalcitrant Les is dumber than a pillowcase full of broken toasters. Since when is everyone so afraid of Les? What HE gonna do? Take his stupid story and go home?
Coming soon: After ruining the project in a smug fussy rage, Les is outraged to discover that Mason is going ahead with “Liza’s Tale…The Second Galosh”, a story about a young wife and mother who contracts CTE after being stricken with a big hunk of cement during an explosion at the UPS store. Les takes his plagiarism case all the way to the Supreme Court, where the justices laugh and throw trash at him.
Meet Cindy Sparks
This one took a few seconds longer than usual to parse thanks to the incredibly clunky dialog. When these two fools start with the Westviewian banter it’s like trying to roll a dumpster up a flight of stairs. I concluded that Cindy must mean that if Mason has too much “chemistry” with whatever shameless harlot he’s working with she will make his life a vicious living hell when he gets home. Sounds about right. Describing Cindy and Mason’s marriage as “highly reductive” is being way too kind. And she’s supposedly the mature one.
“Are you OK with them looking to see who has good chemistry with Mason?”…wow. Maybe it’s grammatically correct but if it is it shouldn’t be. “Sure, because I can still make sparks happen when he gets back from the lab”…did I read this wrong? Is she talking about sex here? These two sentences should be in textbooks. Chapter Ten: Not So Good, This Is.
Coming next week: Les is mildly surprised to learn that Cindy carved “Mason + Cindy 4 Eva” into Mason’s chest with a Swiss Army knife corkscrew while he slept. No one else is.
Son of Stuck Funky 