Pizza Forfeiture

Link To Today’s Strip

The ICE agent snacking on the pizza represents the cold soulless hand of an unfeeling bureaucracy and so forth. Sigh. Obviously Adeela needs to get in touch with The Gang in order to straighten this unfortunate kerfuffle out, but her phone is bricked, so I dunno. It’d be way funnier if they really did ship her off to Iraq on the 8:15 out of Columbus but I seriously doubt she’s going anywhere except (sigh) back to Montoni’s, where she’ll make some sort of weakly wry quip about how she’s still better off in Westview.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

41 responses to “Pizza Forfeiture

  1. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    TB has never heard of habeas corpus or due process.

    Did ICE set up this asinine sting just to steal a pizza?

    • The Merry Pookster

      Ya right, ICE just picks people off the streets, no hearings, no contacting anyone allowed, just plops them on a plane to Stan&Olliestand. Someone please report Batiuk

  2. William Thompson

    Are the so-called ICE agents the actual aliens here? Because no human being holds a pizza slice like that one is doing. When he drops dead from ingesting the pizza, will Adeela be recognized as the heroine who saved earth from an alien conquest?

    • ComicTrek

      Exactly, and if she’s such a threat, why CHOW DOWN on a pizza that could very well be a bomb or something? I know that the message here is (probably) that these guys know they’re doing wrong, but wouldn’t it still be taken away and analyzed first?

    • newagepalimpsest

      “Darn, my normal human wrist is acting up again… I hope that I’m not the focus of some ironic closeup or something.”

  3. Definitely should get an “unnatural hand gestures” tag or something similar.

    This is so typical of this strip. Batiuk thinks that simply raising a subject is the exact same thing as making a profound observation about it. And he should therefore be lionized in the media and given an award.

    • William Thompson

      I’d rather see him lionized in the Colosseum with the other wanna-be martyrs.

    • Epicus Doomus

      There IS an unnatural hand gestures tag! I started to add it and it auto-filled. Now I can’t speak for Ohioians, but pizza is practically currency around here and I’ve never seen anyone hold a slice like that. It looks like a good way to burn your forearm if you ask me.

  4. J.J. O'Malley

    I’m sure it was done before this, but in the 2015 “Gravity Falls” episode “Not What He Seems,” government agents arrest Grunkle Stan and take twin siblings Dipper and Mabel Pines into custody and, while doing so, seize Mabel’s ice cream treat. Once the kids are put into a car, one of the agents starts eating the ice cream.

    Good to know Battyuk steals his jokes from the best.

  5. billytheskink

    A detention center? But she already lives in Westview…


    • none

      Cue tomorrow’s strip featuring Westview High School’s detention room which has been converted to a holding cell, complete with a Police Ice on guard at the door with a machine gun.

      • William Thompson

        And when Les Moore shows up, they discuss belt-fed versus clip-fed machine guns.

      • Like the one Les had on his hall monitor desk, which Batiuk would retcon into a cardboard replica years later when he decided that guns in a school setting maybe weren’t so funny.

        • hitorque

          That was a really stupid retcon because the machine gun was actually a funny gag for its time… But then again fewer and fewer people remember what the Berlin Wall was or why it was guarded by uneasy creepy-looking guys with machine guns

  6. Gerard Plourde

    While Voluntary Departure is actually a thing, I can’t help but think that TomBa is missing some key aspects of it. And how is it that ICE would have missed her presence up until now, given that she was a matriculated student (and eventually a graduate) of KSU?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Mr. A raised a good question yesterday: does ICE’s security camera footage show the “other” Adeela, or this one? He thinks it must be the other one, because Adeela’s face and driver’s license would also match her other records.

  7. Charles

    Do you think that Batiuk tried to pimp this story out as a Major Significant Story of Majorly Major Significance to a bunch of media outlets hoping that someone would write about it and failed?

    • Epicus Doomus

      I’m sure he’ll reference it during his next puff-piece interview. “And I just completed a lengthy story about ICE and everything that’s going on there”…which of course is a wild exaggeration at best…but that’s never stopped Batiuk before. Like with the CTE arc, maybe he could do an interview tomorrow and tell us how this one ends too.

    • And it was already “in the pipe” so it couldn’t be pulled…not that Batiuk would make the effort.

      I’m sure he also thought, “Stupid [newspapers and magazines], can’t recognize brilliance when it’s practically handed to them…like a slice of pizza. Hey, I think I can use that!”

    • Dood

      I just don’t see the New York Times ever being successfully trolled again by Batiuk after the CTE debacle.

  8. Olive McSweeney, LLC

    At least they’re not forcing her to watch The Lisa Tapes.

    • newagepalimpsest

      “For the Star of Our Latest Very Special Episode…”
      “For the Unlucky Schmo Who Gets Stuck Delivering Montoni’s Pizza…”
      “For the Author Who Borrowed This ‘Tapes’ Idea from an Episode of Oprah and Took it Too Far for Too Long…”

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    I can make today’s strip a lot better by changing one word:

    Funky Winkerbean, edited


    If they really think Adeela is someone else, they’d send her back to that person’s country, not her own. Yes, that person could also be from Iraq, but that makes the story even more contrived: now there are two different people in Westview named Adeela with the same face and also the same country of origin. Instead, this raises a whole new level of horror for Adeela. She’s being sent to a country she’s not even from and probably doesn’t have any contacts.

    Oh, and I cropped out the idiot eating the goddamn pizza, because this is a dramatic moment. Probably the most dramatic moment in the story so far. Having him there is like having fart noises in the horse head scene from The Godfather.

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    Funky Winkerbean, we need to talk about some of the art choices you’re making.

    What’s going on here?

    That is way too much orgasmic joy for a man who’s simply enjoying a nice slice of pepperoni. That’s a face the Commandant in Police Academy would make during the “hooker in the podium” scene. Because he looks like he’s getting a blowjob! And if the point is supposed to be that he’s indulging himself while Adeela’s life is being destroyed, he should look more sneering and petty, not like that.

    And it’s not the first time. Here’s Jeff and his stupid decoder ring announcing their trip to California:

    Come on, Batiuk and Ayers. No adult male makes a face like that unless they’re getting laid, or they just got shown the brand new car on The Price is Right.To say nothing of what could be photoshopped into their hand.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Goddamit, why can’t I ever insert an image correctly? Here are the two images I intended to use:

      • hitorque

        I never wanted to punch my cell phone screen so hard when I saw that asshole getting orgasmic over a kitschy children’s trinket… If he smirked any harder he’d tear a muscle.

    • J.J. O'Malley

      “…a nice slice”? It’s a pizza from Montoni’s, the only pizzeria in Ohio that considers sawdust a topping. Remember when Cory was wiping the counter last week? He was using an unsold slice. That ICE officer would be better off folding up the cardboard box the pie came in and holding it strangely in his hand.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        This is all true. But I was going by the artist’s intent. Clearly he’s supposed to be enjoying it, despite its dubious source.

        • J.J. O'Malley

          Well, then, clearly the officer’s not from around Westview or he’d be aware on Montoni’s food and its side effects. That custody van’s going to be very uncomfortable in about a half-hour.

  11. Ted Schultz

    Lesson learned here … never deliver pizza to an empty building. I do have a question, though … do you think they at least tipped her for the pizza?

  12. The Dreamer

    I predict Wally is going to end up marrying Adeela so she can stay in this country. She becomes Adeela Winkerbean!

    • William Thompson

      Wally’s already married to Rachel, or maybe Buddy (which would explain why Buddy has vanished, like so many other Westview Wives). But an existing marriage wouldn’t stop Batiuk from marrying off Wally again. It’s not like he’s familiar with how marriages work in any culture.

  13. hitorque

    God damn it… Does this woman have refugee status or not? Because if she does, it’s all moot.

  14. Westview Radiology

    In panel one Adalilly looks to be about 200 pounds. In panel two she’s around 115 pounds. Sgt. Slaughter is closing the door while the unsuspecting ICE agent is about to ingest some swill uh pizza …. just wait buddy LOL