Your Mask Too Small To Band Box With God

Link To The Big Sunday Strip

See, he just explained how Funky got his special pizza-themed masks, but nothing can explain how, on the spur of the moment, he suddenly found or made a bunch of tiny masks for the stupid band box. I’m never discussing this arc again so, for the last-ever time, it’s just remarkable how much affection Funky has for his old nostalgia-steeped junk, like his stools, jukebox and (of course) that f*cking band box. The whereabouts of his old revolving beer sign are still unknown, as that plot thread has been dangling for like eight years now.

Coming next week: after briefly acknowledging Morton, Holly, Wally, Rachel, Adeela, Cory and Rocky’s untimely COVID-related deaths in passing, Funky seriously contemplates drinking himself to death after the green pitcher comes out of the dishwasher all faded and teal. His fellow AA members agree that it’s probably the best course of action given the gravity of the situation.

46 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

46 responses to “Your Mask Too Small To Band Box With God

  1. Banana Jr. 6000

    Cabbage Jack
    June 18, 2021 at 9:10 am
    I’m taking bets on “The Band Box Dolls are all wearing tiny masks.”

    Please come forward and collect your prize.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Yep, he wins. My G-d this was a crappy arc. Back to Mary Worth where they are honest about their stories. It’s trashy trailer park girls….yes!

    • ComicBookHarriet

      Congrats on the prize Cabbage Jack. We all stand in line for you prescience.

    • Cabbage Jack

      I don’t know if I should be pleased or disappointed in myself for predicting this.

    • Professor Fate

      I’m willing to bet money that this was the idea that generated the rest of this sorry arc -Say I’ll put masks on the dolls “Haw! haw!”
      In the old days Sunday strips because of the demands of color printing had to be submitted far longer in advance than the regular strips – I can only presume that is still the case – which could well account for the differences between the dailies.
      By the by just to nitpick -one is certain Montoni’s was open for pick up and delivery like every other pizza place in the nation. So it’s not reopening – it’s just letting folks eat there (although why one would is a mystery)

  2. William Thompson

    Uh . . . yeah. As a hobbyist I can figure out how to make those masks. And I could figure out how to attach them to those figurines. But I wouldn’t do it. The players are packed together inside a semi-enclosed container, and they move. A lot. To me that says “fragile” and “awkward,” and that leads to “expensive repairs because you messed around with them.” Which would be fine, but that would lead to a two week arc about “Montoni’s is bankrupted by the repair bill and Funky won’t stop whining.”

  3. Gerard Plourde

    What I’d like to know is who the chain smoker is. Is TomBa giving Funky a new addiction or, given the similarity in their appearance, did he think Mort is now running Montoni’s?

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Is smoking even allowed at AA meetings these days?

    • Epicus Doomus

      Yeah, that’s a really peculiar panel. He loves doing those Sunday “atmosphere” shots but this one was an odd choice.

      • SpacemanSpiff85

        I’m pretty sure he saw people smoking in AA on TV (or in a Flash comic) and thought it adds “realism” to the strip.

        • ComicBookHarriet

          Realism. Right. If this was 1995. Literally no public place allows smoking inside these days. If this was realistic for mODerN TiMeZ they would all be vaping.

      • billytheskink

        TB should just reuse that panel as the final Funky Winkerbean strip.

    • Jeff M.

      I think his research on the subject of AA consisted of watching “Days of Wine and Roses” back when it came out in 1962.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I think it’s yet another nostalgia flashback. People don’t smoke much anymore, but they did in 1987, so it must be a thing worth clinging to.

    • What you need to remember is that those cigarette butts are the SOUL of whatever building this AA meeting is in.

  4. Banana Jr. 6000

    Hey, remember six months ago when some of the band box musicians were actually Superman figures?

    https://safr.kingfeatures.com/api/img.php?e=gif&s=c&file=RnVua3lXaW5rZXJiZWFuLzIwMjAvMTIvRnVua3lfV2lua2VyYmVhbi4yMDIwMTIxOF8xNTM2LmdpZg==

    Apparently Tom Batiuk doesn’t.

    • Mr. A

      The Superman suit is “under his tuxedo”…which does raise the question of how Adeela spotted it in the first place.

      • William Thompson

        She is actually Kamala Khan, a Muslim superheroine from the Marvel Comics Universe. I’m hoping that Skunkhead John and Crazy Harry die of apoplexy when they realize they’ve had one of the X-Men living (okay, existing) in their midst.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          Kamala Khan would have easily broken out of that immigrant detention facility. Or not gotten arrested in the first place.

        • Maxine of Arc

          Technically she’s a former Avenger. I’ll see myself out.

  5. Mr. A

    There are plexiglass dividers on the counter that weren’t there yesterday, and the barstools counter stools are no longer marked as off-limits. Looks like Funky changed his mind about that too.

  6. erdmann

    I looked up smoking at AA meetings and Ohio smoking laws on Großvater Google and learned that smoking and drinking lots of coffee is apparently common among AA members. One article said seeing groups of members puffing away outside their meeting places is a regular occurrence. On the other hand, it seems Ohio doesn’t allow smoking indoors in buildings accessible to the public. Perhaps Funky’s meeting site falls under some exception. I don’t know and I’ve already devoted 6 minutes of research to the topic. Time to move on to the matter that truly concerns me tonight.
    Look at expressions on Funky’s captive audience. They are enraptured, hanging on his every word. He has broken them to his will.
    Remember earlier in the week when Sourbelly compared Funky to Marshall Applewhite? We are looking at the last know image of these poor deluded souls. Soon they will end their own lives so Blessed Dead St. Lisa can take them away in her spaceship to a wondrous paradise of pizza and Flash comics. Blessed be her name!

    • J.J. O'Malley

      It actually looks as if the number of attendees has grown since the start of the week (or back in April, since I’m still not convinced this isn’t the same AA meeting from then). I can only imagine there were other self-help groups meeting in the building, and as they let out word spread that the man who told the spellbinding tale of the moving treadmill and the only two Discmans left in the world was now sharing another amazing anecdote. Seriously, it’s like the Sermon on the Mount in there. I fully expect that the next time we see it the room will have several hundred people huddled around the table, and Funky will have somehow fed them all with just five pots of coffee and two dozen Hole Foods donuts.

      • erdmann

        There is a balm in Westview
        To save the booze-soaked soul
        His name is Funky Winkerbean
        His prattle makes you whole

    • Jeff M.

      Yeah, the cliche about AA and smoking is true (the in-joke is that if you ever see more than two people smoking outside a church, an AA meeting is about to start) – but, no, of course nobody smokes inside anymore. I’ve been in Zoom meetings where they ask that if you’re going to smoke, please shut off your video. Which I thought was idiotic, but….

    • batgirl

      I thought the audience smiles were of relief, thinking the monologue was nearing its end.
      Poor souls.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        That was my interpretation also. Those are definitely “oh, good, he’s wrapping up” smiles. In this universe where it’s against the law to interrupt a speaker who is rudely wasting their time with off-topic nattering.

  7. The Nelson Puppet

    Man oh man, I hope that look of terror on DSH John’s face in the masthead has something to do with him going into a house and Chris Hansen saying, “Have a seat.”
    http://s7d2.scene7.com/is/image/TWCNews/hansen_jpg

    • J.J. O'Malley

      “But, but..I was just bringing the boy a special reprint copy of ‘Justice League of America #21 and 22, the first team-up between Earth-1’s JLA and the Justice Society of Earth-2! I just wanted to introduce the young lad to the wonders of the Multiverse, that’s all I was going to do, honest!”

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Or, he’s being played by Charles Nelson Reilly. But that would be far too awesome for this comic strip.

    • gleeb

      I hope it’s Wally.

  8. Paul Jones

    Now that this fragile flower has done whining about non-existent problems, let’s check in with the other mainstay of the local economy: the comix shop.

    • Jeff M

      I wish I were as optimistic as you that this whole whine-tacular is “done.” I have a feeling this will become a regular thing in this strip. Every couple of months we spend a week with Funky talking about things that might possibly have been interesting to see, but instead, he’s just rambling to a bunch of Westview smirking drunks.

  9. The Duck of Death

    Meanwhile, over in Crankshaft, Ralph is getting a haircut. No one is wearing a mask. And the calendar on the barber’s wall says “June 2121.”

    Batiuk JUST reaffirmed the time skip in the “Lillian’s been organist for ages and has to quit” arc.

    Can we look forward to a crossover in which the shriveled, wheelchair-bound, oxygen-tanked Crankshaft (last seen in FW on Election Day, 2020) meets the hale and hearty Crankshaft who exists at the same time in the other strip?

    Imagine doing work this half-assed and being proud of it. Imagine having that little pride.

  10. Sourbelly

    For added whimsy, the trombone player has his mask affixed to the bell of his horn. While that would seem of defeat the purpose of playing a trombone, it is kind of funny.

  11. Banana Jr. 6000

    “Just one more thing to do” feels like another Tom Batiuk trope. This is another thing I remember from the Christmas decorating arc:

    https://safr.kingfeatures.com/api/img.php?e=png&s=c&file=RnVua3lXaW5rZXJiZWFuLzIwMjAvMTIvRnVua3lfV2lua2VyYmVhbl9xcy4yMDIwMTIyMF8xNTM2LnBuZw==

    And that “one thing left to do” is inevitably some masturbatory nostalgic ceremony to close out a week full of masturbatory nostalgia. It’s not Christmas until they put the Santa hat on the Montoni’s sign, even though it would blow off within two minutes. Montoni’s soul isn’t back until they put the COVID masks on the band box figurines. There’s probably more examples, but I can’t think of any right now.

    • The Duck of Death

      I could swear he’s used this trope during one or more of Les’ tiresome Lisa-communing sessions. Something like: “Just one more thing I need to do” — discuss something with Lisa’s ghost.