Shooty Now For The Future

Link To Today’s

Keen observation there, Boy Lisa. Insight like that must be why they keep him around, in spite of his overwhelming blandness. Not that it would have helped or anything, but it’d have been way more in character if Chester had said something like “find out what next’s year’s hottest titles will be so I can buy all the first editions” or something that was, you know, related to comic books in some way. Because he’s Chester Hagglemore, the man whose entire life revolves around comic books.

But instead he just had him say the most generic thing possible in that situation, rendering the strip (and the Chester character) totally pointless, instead of just mostly pointless. This is a really, really bad premise, even by FW’s lowly standards. Usually the premises are semi-believable and it’s the execution where they all go hopelessly awry, but this one is just complete dog shit. He couldn’t think of any other way to work some “Flash” gags into the strip? “I know! I’ll have Batton Thomas inexplicably use the Flash treadmill at Atomik Komix”…I mean that’s really out there, man. Half the strip takes place in a comic book store and a comic book factory, and this was the best he could do?

24 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “Shooty Now For The Future

  1. Y. Knott

    Second arc in a row to focus on comics and a fake-o time travel device.

    But how will a moving reference to Lisa be seamlessly woven in to this riveting narrative?

  2. billytheskink

    What are you talking about Chester? I’m having a hard time finding these jokes you claim to be hearing…

  3. Gerard Plourde

    That’s it? I shouldn’t complain because the premise was so pointless, but we still have three more strips before a possible Sideways Sunday. I really hope he doesn’t fill that up with Les or Dinkle.

  4. William Thompson

    “I went so far into the future that I found one of our comic titles had printed a third issue!”

    “Wow! What did the readers say?”

    “They both said they wished the glaciers weren’t coming back!”

  5. TFHackett

    Nice Ohio-centric post title, ED!

     
  6. Sourbelly

    “We ARE joking about this, right?” No, I don’t think so, Chester. It’s my understanding that jokes are supposed to be funny. I don’t know what “we” are supposed to be doing here. I mean, this isn’t even filler, right? Filler for what purpose? There isn’t some conclusion that we’re all anticipating in this strip. Other than maybe the handicap ramp in front of Montini’s becoming relevant.

    • Epicus Doomus

      “Go into the future and tell me what my mint condition copy of “Flash” #1 is selling for in ten years” said Chester, rubbing his hands together greedily. Bam, now it’s almost a joke and it’s totally in context, too. If you want to talk about comic books, then by God man, talk about f*cking comic books.

      • hitorque

        It’s funny because Chester has more money than he can spend, and he already has one of those legendary sixth senses on knowing which dirt cheap undervalued stocks, derivatives, real estate, and comics properties to invest in, along with WHEN to invest… To top it off he’s clearly the only Funkyverse character whose finances and daily life was completely unaffected by the pandemic — Probably because he invested in Johnson & Johnson…

        I mean let’s get real here — Have you *EVER* known Chester to lose money? I mean FFS, he has a butler at his home whose only job is to bring him a hot fudge sundae whenever he wants one (no, I am not making this up)…

    • ComicBookHarriet

      Change a few words…and you’ve just described the majority of SNL sketches of the last 10 years.

  7. J.J. O'Malley

    So, a quick synopsis of this week’s storyline for the uninitiated would read “An elderly comic strip creator exercises in a comic book publisher’s offices on a machine built to resemble a treadmill-like piece of equipment from a Silver Age comic book series, and the office workers make comic book-related jokes about it.” And here I was thinking that “Gearhead Gertie” was a strip that narrowly focused on a miniscule portion of the reading public!

  8. Banana Jr. 6000

    JUST GIVE BATTON THOMAS THE FUCKING COMIC BOOK JOB ALREADY.

    • Cabbage Jack

      That would be the most Mary Sue moment in this comic’s history…and that is saying a lot!

    • William Thompson

      That will be a major milestone in the grand history of comic books. Such a magnificental event must be dragged out to allow the mere readership to fully appreciate its gravity, and it must be conducted amidst earth-shattering events. (cf. the way Batiuk burned down Los Angeles and sent his heroic hero Les into the Apocalypse to rescue Marianne Winters–all so we could recognize the importance of Les Moore admitting that the chick was the right non-entity to play Dead Fucking Lisa.)

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Crankshaft spent three days revealing the dangerous mystery space object that’s been hurtling towards Earth. Batton Thomas’ accession to the Atomik Komix staff needs more build-up than that, apparently. The only reason this shit doesn’t take longer than Starbuck Jones is because Batiuk wants to get right on making the comic book covers.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    So many words. So little meaning.

  10. hitorque

    DO ANY OF THESE ASSCLOWNS ACTUALLY HAVE TO *WORK* FOR THEIR PAYCHECKS LIKE THE REST OF AMERICANS?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      It’s the magic of the bullpen! People just sit around talking about comic books all day, and somehow comic books get produced!

  11. ComicBookHarriet

    Why does Boy Lisa look like an elderly Pez dispenser with gum disease?

  12. Maxine of Arc

    OH MY GOD NO ONE CARES

    I mean it. Even us beady-eyed nitpickers don’t care and we are the only people in the world who pay any attention to this strip at all.

  13. spacemanspiff85

    Batiuk’s fixation on the cosmic treadmill really is strange to me. At this point, I would imagine that even the creator of it would be embarrassed at this point. (Assuming he was at all aware of Batiuk’s writing).