The character we’ve nicknamed Thatsnought Hewmore was first seen August 10, 2016.
And now, two thousand one hundred and twenty days later…this boy finally has a name.
He appeared in 68 strips, not counting this week. He spoke 31 lines of dialogue.
And.
At last.
A (first) name.
How do I know all those specific numbers? Uhhhh.
You know how yesterday’s post was kind of short? Today is going to make up for that. You’re all in luck, or out of luck, depending on your views. Because we had a couple rain days last week that kept me out of the fields.
And so, below, in chronological order, is every appearance of the class of 2022.
August 26, 2015. 1st appearance of Bernie Silver. Westview seniors Owen and Cody attempt to bully him. He is nonplussed. The next strip they stop when they realize Bernie has a copy of ‘The Amazing Mr. Sponge’ in his backpack.
August 30, 2015. 1st appearance of Maris Rogers, unnamed. She is presented as the newest in a long line of popular blonds. Les creeps on her as only Les can.
For the most part Owen, Cody, and Alex dominate Westview High School storylines for the next months. Freshmen don’t show up again until…
February 23, 2016. Bernie Silver is reintroduced, Maris Rogers gets her name, and Logan Church’s has her first appearance. Logan was colored white for her first week, before becoming black when next seen in September. She has since been recolored in the Comics Kingdom archives.
They are all interviewing with Cody, Owen and Les Moore for positions on ‘The Bleat.’ Maris has a blog of make-up tutorials but knows nothing about journalism, Logan has a business blog that ABC news picked up? (The hell?) They all get the spot, and Bernie will, of course, talk about comic books.
February 29, 2016. The aged up Crankshaft Twins, Emily and Amelia, are introduced. And spend a week establishing that Emily is the pink and sunny one, and Amelia is the dark and sassy one. For the first couple weeks, their hair is colored typical-Westview-blonde, but has since been recolored in the Comics Kingdom archives as a strawberry blonde.
The following week, we get another set of Emily and Amelia shenanigans. Including Batuik pulling out an ancient running gag from the 70’s, and the last appearance of quarterback, chain-smoker, and 35-year-old high school student Jarod Posey. Emily and Amelia join ‘The Bleat‘. Amelia eats lunch with SENIORS. Les tries teaching them poetry.
Then we’re back to high school being about the seniors, Owen, Alex, and Cody, and their Starbuck Jones filled graduation.
July 10, 2016. A Sunday Strip where Emily and Amelia play their previously established instruments door to door as a band fundraiser.
August 10, 2016. Malcolm and Connor, and later Emily and Amelia, appear as silent students in a week-long band camp arc where Becky and Dinkle are the only characters to speak.
September 18, 2016. A Sunday Strip where Bernie asks if he can opt out of a quiz. Logan, Maris, and maybe Amelia are in the class.
October 23, 2016. A Sunday Strip where Bernie on ‘The Bleat’ announces Bull Bushka’s retirement. Some students that look like Maris and Malcolm are pictured in class.
January 8, 2017. A Sunday Strip where Bernie hasn’t practiced the Trombone.
March 5, 2017. A Sunday Strip where Bernie leaves chess club to go play games at Komix Korner with Malcolm and Connor.
March 19, 2017. A Sunday Strip where Malcolm and Connor are playing games in Komix Korner.
March 29, 2017. In the middle of a week of Becky/Dinkle gags, a single strip where Dinkle addresses the band. Malcom gets the only name he will be known by for the rest of his high school tenure. Bernie, Emily, Amelia, and Connor are also seen.
April 17-22, 2017. A week of high school gags. First two strips of Les ranting at silent students. Emily, Amelia, Malcolm, Connor, Logan, and Bernie are crudely scribbled in. Then a strip at Komix Korner where Malcolm and Logan tease Bernie about Facebook friends. Then three strips where Bernie and Malcolm talk about how dangerous ‘the vendo’ snacks are.
May 16-22, 2017. Another week of high school gags. First Malcolm, Bernie, and Connor at lunch. Then Maris talks to Principal Nate. Finally Les gives a class, including the whole crew, the results of a quiz.
May 28, 2017. A Sunday Strip where Logan takes a test. A call back to Batiuk’s numerous test gags of the past.
A week of school shenanigans. On May 31, 2017 we get Bernie doing another Batiuk ™ wacky test answer. And June 1, has a poorly drawn Connor talking to a poorly drawn Linda (Burchett had just taken over art duties.) Everything else that week is about the teachers.
June 11, 2017. A Sunday Strip where Bernie, Malcolm, and Logan are playing games at Komix Korner.
August 28, 2017. The final appearance of Owen, Cody, and Alex, at the Starbuck Jones premiere.
November 20-24, 2017. Malcolm and Bernie try to sell mattresses door to door.
January 17th and 18th, 2018. In a week of Les Moore complaining about copier paper, Maris, Malcolm, and Logan run in filming a hit piece for ‘The Bleat’. The artwork is particularly awful.
January 21, 2018. A Sunday Strip. Emily and Amelia talk to people who don’t resemble their parents all all about getting rid of the landline.
January 22 and 23, 2018. Bernie, Malcolm, and Logan discuss school food.
JUNE 10th, 2018. A Sunday Strip. Bernie talks on ‘The Bleat’ about teachers running out of material to teach. Emily and Amelia film him. A student who may be Connor beans a kid with the sun in Kablichnik’s classroom.
DECEMBER 16, 2018. A Sunday Strip. Becky and Dinkle yell at the band. I you squint and cross your eyes Bernie, Connor, and Emily might be there…or they’re just generics.
December 17, 2018. Bernie has excuses for not practicing.
December 23, 2018. A Sunday Strip of the Christmas Concert. Is that Connor’s hair fweep in the second panel? Is that a tiny Amelia in the last? Does it matter? No. Because the strip is about Becky (for once.)
March 3-10, 2019. After a crappy comic editorial, Bernie does a very special gun control editorial. Logan Church compliments him. Logan, Connor, Emily, Amelia, Bernie, Malcolm, and Maris participate in a school walkout.
March 17, 2019. A week later, A Sunday Strip, Batiuk pats himself on the back again for the gun violence walkout by having Fred Fairgood watch the entire class walkout again on the news. If you squint you can tell it’s Bernie, Logan, Emily and Amelia leading the class out, and Malcolm, Bernie, and one of the twins on the TV.
April 2019. During THREE WEEKS of Free Comic Book Day at Komix Korner. Malcolm gets commissioned Darin art. Bernie meets Flash Freeman. Bernie and Malcolm ask about the first appearance of Batton Thomas. Logan, Bernie, and Malcolm get their pictures taken with Masone Jarre and Holtron. Logan gets an autograph to sell. And Malcolm asks about future crossover events at Atomik Komix.
The next week, May 8-11, Cindy has agreed to talk to ‘The Bleat’ crew. (For whatever reason, Batiuk has forgotten that Maris was supposed be a part of ‘The Bleat’.)
August 5-11, 2019. Before school starts ‘The Bleat’ gets together to report on the county fair. Emily and Amelia remember that they had characters established three years ago.
November 3, 2019. A Sunday Strip. Malcolm delivers a bad pun on ‘The Bleat’. Amelia and Logan are camera operator and director.
December 16, 2019. A single weekday strip of Dinkle criticizing Becky. Is that Malcolm in the crowd? Idk.
March 8, 2020. A Sunday Strip of Bernie getting a candy bar delivered. Malcolm and Emily are flabbergasted.
March 29, 2020. A Sunday Strip. Bernie relates New Horizon’s historic flyby with a Marvel character. Connor, Emily, Amelia, Logan, and Malcolm are in class.
April 15, 16 and 17, 2020. Batton Thomas visits Westview High. The kids don’t get it. Bernie, Malcolm, Emily, Amelia, and Logan are in attendance. Emily, as the polite one (or just because) asks the only question.
November 30- December 5, 2020. A week of disconnected school gags. The PA system screams for Logan, which startles Connor and Les. Bernie, Malcolm, Logan, Maris and Emily(?) return from an unseen field trip. Maris does a typical Cindy-lite school picture gag. Emily and Amelia talk to Les about Cross Country on set of The Bleat? Logan answers a question ‘correctly’ and Kablichnik cries. Bernie and Amelia are in class with her.
December 21, 2020. Malcolm walks out of band class in the background while Dinkle and Becky talk. THRILLING.
January 3, 2021. A Sunday Strip. Malcolm, Bernie, Emily, and Amelia show up as smirking side faces during the Winter Band Banquet.
January 10, 2021. A Sunday Strip. Connor, Emily and Amelia, and Logan are all called on by name during attendance. Malcolm looks devastated that another chance to establish his real name has come and gone. Bernie keeps Altoids in his pocket. This is treated like something we all should know by now.
January 24, 2021. A Sunday Strip. Becky explains the behavior guidelines before the band goes to OMEA. Bernie asks a question. Emily, Amelia, Malcolm, Logan, and what might be a tiny Connor and Maris are all in the background. The next day, only Malcolm is identifiable. The band is left behind in Columbus, Ohio, and not seen again as they make their long trek back in the middle of winter.
In February 2021 there is a week of Dinkle substitute teaching, but all the kids look completely generic except for maybe on February 17th. This might be Connor without freckles?
March 7, 2021. A Sunday Strip. Emily, Amelia, Bernie, and what might be the back of Malcolm’s head, listen to Kablichnik blather about black holes.
September 1, 2021. Les Moore crucifies the concept of humor on the set of ‘The Bleat’ while Emily, Amelia, Malcolm, Logan, and Bernie watch in horror. The next day Bernie runs out for protection.
September 5, 2021. A Sunday Strip. The Class of 2022 flashes back to a zoom lesson. Maris has black hair for some reason.
March 20, 2022. A Sunday Strip. Bernie, Malcolm, Logan, and Connor are playing Magic at Komix Korner. Bernie angrily forbids Batton Thomas from sorting Magic cards.
May 15, 2022. Bernie picks out senior pictures.
And a week later, we’re graduating.
115 Strips. Spread out over 2592 days.
Final Spreadsheet, through May 29, 2022.
Son of Stuck Funky 
So it’s been almost five years since Owen last appeared, eh? Owen (and his sidekick Cody) was a fairly major character there for a while. He used to get weekly arcs fairly regularly. Then, just like that, he was gone, never to be seen again. I assume he works at the local vape shop and lives with Alex in the “bad” part of town Boy Lisa visited that time. Cody is no doubt a “career” community college student…at least until he “finds himself”. Unless he got picked up for some creepy sex crime or something, which is definitely possible, as he was sort of pervy in a G-rated way.
Malcolm has appeared 68 times, eh? Fascinating, as I remember none of them. It’s called “writing”, people. The next crop of WHS students is very clearly doomed to obscurity.
I can’t honestly believe there will be another generation. Frankly I’m surprised the strip is still here after the 50th, but to whip up a (7th?) generation would be beyond surprising. There is no way he’s planning to walk another group all the way through to graduation, so he might as well jump off the ‘high school shenanigans’ for good.
If there is another crop of students, I imagine they’ll be like the St. Spires choir. They’ll have names that might be mentioned or not, but they’ll exist to be ‘the crowd’ that the teacher characters talk at and to, with none of the aborted attempts to make them more than that that we got this time.
He’ll always be Thatsnought Hewmore to us. Plus we beat TB to the name by YEARS. I mean, Joe Biden was Vice President when this guy was first introduced…
Welcolm, Malcolm! After all this time, you finally have an arc, kind of.
Panel 1: You’re wearing a Cleveland Guardians T-shirt. Very on the nose!
Panel 2: Your date (Amelia? Whatever) has turned her back on you somehow, yet is still facing you. Or something. Maybe she has double-jointed elbows and back cleavage.
Panel 3: I can certainly see why you’re so shy. Your eyebrows, mustache, and glasses seem to be randomly drawn by a heavily sedated lemur
I thought that was a Guardians logo, but I wasn’t sure, as I’m more of a National League guy. It would appear that Malcolm is sort of a Les-like nerd who’s afraid of girls, which Logan naturally finds irresistible. These Westviewian women are SO easily impressed. I would advise her to attend college out of state…way, way out of state, otherwise she’ll be with this guy until one or both of them die, which could happen at any moment.
That is definitely a Guardians logo. Which was only unveiled on July 23 of last year. Which means this week’s arc must have been written more recently than Batiuk’s usual 11-month lead time.
I can imagine a last-minute cut-n-paste job over a “Chief Wahoo” in the original art. It’s slightly controversial so one thing the “editor” might sit up and take notice of.
Chief Wahoo has been downplayed for years, and it was announced in 2020 that the name was going away. I think Batiuk has enough sense to not re-open that can of worms.
Commendable. That must have taken a few hours.
I see a lot of Sunday strips out of this roundup. I guess delegating the HS class to the disconnected throwaway status makes sense, given what he’d rather write about instead. As a plus, it makes them not as unlikeable as the elders – relatively speaking, of course.
I noticed that as well. The closest these guys got to a proper arc was the ‘gun bad’ arc. The only other ‘arcs’ for these guys were just in service of a week of connected gags, and even then there’s only a couple of those: mattress selling, getting ready for the county fair, maybe free comic book day.
Sunday Strips and Misc Filler weeks… they justed exist to be students in disjointed jokes Batiuk would have used OwenCodyAlex or SummerCoryMaddie or DarinPeteSummerJinx for before.
The Zen of Funky: Is it possible to take an interest in such uninteresting characters?
Dear Lord, CBH, you truly went above and beyond what any woman or man should endure to bring us the full poop on Westview’s 2022 Senior Class…and I do mean “poop.” Thank you.
Now, as to Malcolm…”I was afraid that I was just droning on and boring everyone to death”? Does this mean he’s going to replace Lester as Batiuk’s strip avatar, because that’s just the sort of confession I’ve been waiting TB to make for years!
Amazing research. And what does it say about Batiuk that he never bothered giving this character a name after 68 appearances over six years? I remember Ricca, a member of the Centerview choir, who was introduced twice over 10 days and has never had a line, or been in anything but a group shot. And she’s a woman, who isn’t anyone’s surrogate mom and isn’t interested in comic books, so you can infer how unimportant she is.
What are you talking about BJ6K? Ricca had a line!
The fact that I remembered who you were talking about, remembered she had a line, and went back to check, and then felt the need to correct you is something I will be discussing with my therapist.
I stand corrected. But my point remains: how did this character last this long without a name? If anything, Batiuk over-introduces his characters. He loves to introduce characters who have already met, and who the audience already knows. And he does this for a huge cast of characters.
Characters are another form of Batiuk’s Gun (a storytelling principle asserting that irrelevant elements should be introduced as often as possible and then dropped abruptly and forgotten). He loves to introduce characters by name, then never use them. Other characters are seen repeatedly but never introduced, or sometimes introduced but then given a name, age, backstory, and/or race change.
BJr6K, don’t assume she isn’t interested in comic books. All Westviewians are assumed comic-centric until proven otherwise. We may yet get an arc where she suggests to Dinkle that they do a Flash-themed musical revue for the First Sunday after Pentecost.
First: Good LORD, CBH! You’ve done the work Batiuk never will — keeping track of who the characters are and what they look like. He should come to this page for reference, but on second thought…. he doesn’t care about consistency. Why should he? It’s called writing.
Second, to me “Malcolm” will always be Thatsnought Hewmore. Though if he’s seen in the future I might also refer to him as Malcolm Ecccchs.
AND you have a full time Ag gig? I stand in line!
I’d comment this morning, but ComicBookHarriet’s blog was so long, fascinating and comprehensive I ran out of time.
Incredible job, ComicBookHarriet. You’re unbelievable!
Was Thatsnought Hewmore
Now he’s our own Malcolm Ecccchs*
We bid you farewell.
(Easiest Haiku ever written)
*Thank you to The Duck of Death for the use of the name.
(When Bernie said way back on March 3-10, 2019: “…friend from the opposing female camp.” I immediately thought of Beware of Eve Hill.)
I so much appreciate Comic Book Harriet. And her research also.
I normally read SOSF first thing a 1045pm. I saw her post, and said, This must wait till morning. So glad I did. I do not hurry thru CBH. I savor her posts, but it does fill up a morning. Thank goodness.
Personal aside: How is the farm doing?
Good! Corn is all planted, almost done with beans! We’ve been chopping hay when the weather’s fit. The only spring cows still to calve are the stragglers and everyone’s out to pasture instead of cooped up.
Tomorrow I get to take a calf to the vet to have an inguinal hernia repaired. You think Batiuk’s got some balls with the stuff he’s pulled lately, you aint seen NOTHING.
I’m pleased to no end to see that my little liebchen Bernie has pulled off the victory for the most appearances and lines of dialog amongst the Westview Class of 2022.
Excuse me while I put on a Westview High cheerleaders outfit.
(Shaking pom-poms)
Who’s the greatest from the Westview Class of 2022?
It’s Bernie Silver!
BERNIE SILVER!!!
GIMME A “B”!
GIMME AN “E”!
GIMME AN “R”!
GIMME AN “N”
GIMME AN “I”
GIMME ANOTHER “E”
WHAT’S THAT SPELL? BERNIE! BERNIE!!!
B – E – R – N – I – E
B – E – R – N – I – E
B – E – R – N – I – E
BERNIE!
BERNIE!
(high-pitched squealing)
BERNIE!!!!
(Collapses in exhaustion.)
Okay, I realize this mock Bernie infatuation is “getting a little old” and has run its course. I’m done. Sorry, Bernie.
It was kind of a salute to my best friend from middle school.
(Oh, no! It’s another anecdote from @be ware of eve hill!)
My best friend in middle school developed quite early and was extremely curvy and attractive. This gal loved flirting with ALL the boys. It was never meant to be cruel. She was delighted if she made a boy happy by flirting with them. If they thought she was mocking them, she was disappointed. It was just a part of who she was. She never flirted with teachers.
One of my favorite experiences with her was in the eighth grade. She and I had study hall held in the cafeteria across the hall from the gym. One afternoon, the girl’s gym teacher needed help setting up the volleyball net. We volunteered. Meanwhile, on the other side of the curtain, my little brother’s gym class was going on. We moseyed on over. My friend couldn’t wait to see all the boys in their gym clothes. The boys were playing whiffle ball. Shirts and skins. My brother was one of the skins and was a bit on the chubby side. He came to the plate with the bases loaded. My friend knew he was my brother and started to flirt with him. She mentioned how much she loved the way his little love handles and tummy hung over his waistband. My little brother proceeded to blast a grand slam that went halfway up the wall on the far side of the gym. We went absolutely nuts. My little brother playfully flipped us the bird as he crossed home plate.
That wasn’t the only time I invaded my brother’s gym class. Middle school gym class always had a day when the girl’s and boy’s classes combined for square dancing. There were more boys than girls that day, and the gym teacher again asked for volunteers from the study hall. My little brother and I couldn’t wait to pair up. Somehow among all the stepped on toes, “allemande lefts, promenades, and do si dos,” my little brother and I engaged in an impromptu wrestling match.
Ah, middle school memories. *Sigh*
Alas, the middle school is no more.
Nah. I think we all should have completely obscure and random characters we stan for strange personal reasons.
I’m calling Khan. And barring that, Sally from AA.
I call Ward, Funky’s former(?) sponsor.
Sally from AA? I’m drawing a blank. The members of Funky’s AA group have names?
Wow, that was a lot of effort to put into, for characters that probably will never appear again after this week. Truly we stand in line.
Only 25 comments today? People must be suffering from holiday hangovers. This is good stuff!
I’m somewhat surprised to discover that the Westview class of 2022 has appeared as often as CBH documented. Batiuk has featured them in almost 5% of the strips since introducing them? Really? Shock me.
Batiuk has played it far too safe with these kids. There’s no controversy or conflict. Where’s the edge? They’re mundane to the point of being boring. They’re all the same nerdy character. They all play the part of a brainy nebbish with the same interests. They’re interchangeable, unremarkable, and utterly forgettable.
The only one who was slightly different was Bernie. Only because he was the main cast member of the group.
The twins are too indistinguishable. Today was the first day I got their names straight.
Amelia is supposed to be the “dark” twin? How? Because she wears black and plays guitar? Ooooh! Dark and evil! Watch out, everyone. She might roll her eyes at you.
Does Amelia play guitar in the marching band?! How the hell does that work? Is there somebody marching around behind her, carrying her amp? Does she get to play the National Anthem like Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock?
If Amelia is supposed to be dark, why not make her dark? Dye her hair black, and give her black fingernails, eye shadow, and lipstick. Tat her up and give her a few piercings. Put a death metal band logo on her shirt and tear a few holes in her black jeans. Make Amilia act “dark” by bullying underclassmen and sneaking cigarettes behind the library. For crissakes, give her an attitude. Why not make her a lousy student? Why do both twins have to be honor roll students working on the ‘Bleat’?
And why not make Emily a complete goody-two-shoes for contrast? Make Emily wear a childish dress and put a bow in her hair. Make her an excessive do-gooder and a total suckup.
Connor plays trumpet and has a cat named Purrel. That’s nice. Do you have anything else to offer? No? Thanks for playing.
Hi Maris Rogers! You’re the one with, um… blonde hair.
Every one of the Funky Winkerbean Act I gang had a shtick. They were individuals. Funky was the everyman. Les was the hapless loser. Crazy Harry was the flake. Bull Bushka was the dimwitted bullying jock. Roland was an anarchist. Wicked Wanda was the women’s libber. Derek, who was concerned with black issues like discrimination and racial equality.
Speaking of Derek, he was one of the guys, but he was cool and had his own style. Junebug, who came along later, had spunk and did things her way. These characters were black, and Batty had the balls to write them that way. They were unique and believable. That brings us to Logan Church and Thatsnought Hewmore. All the black characters in the class of 2022 act exactly like the white characters. Awkward, glasses-wearing, brainy, wimpy white nerds. *Yawn*
They remind me of a character played by comedian and actor David Alan Grier, Don “No Soul” Simmons.
B.B. King: Did you know that every seven minutes, a black person is born in this country without soul?
Wow, thanks, Mr. King. I didn’t know that, but now that you mention it, many seem to end up in Westview. Wave for the camera, Cayla and Principal Nate.
Thatsnought Hewmore’s actual name is “Malcolm”? Well, doesn’t that figure. It’s my husband’s name.
This is all true. But it’s all so common in the strip that there’s not much new to say today. The blandness of these characters reflects something I’ve said many times: Funky Winkerbean must be a 100% conflict-free zone at all times. If any of these kids had personalities, or took a contrary position on anything ever, conflict would arise. And Tom Batiuk can’t have that. Like so much else in the strip, it’s a window into the mind of its creator. Imagine being so afraid of life that you can’t handle anyone disagreeing with you.
I also liked the Bernie Silver bit you were doing. It was cute, and fun to learn that it has roots in your real life experiences. It’s funny that the conversations here evoke our real high school memories in ways Mr. It’s Called Writing could never dream of.
Batty is in his comfort zone, and is on cruise control.
Thanks for enjoying my Bernie flirting. I think we all knew I guy like Bernie in high school.
Sometimes I feel as if I share too much.
“Batiuk has played it far too safe with these kids. There’s no controversy or conflict. Where’s the edge? ”
And the finger of the monkey’s paw curled.
That’s a good point. Batty is 75 and writes from his Ohio country estate. I doubt Batty can write about contemporary high school issues anymore. If he tried, the cringe levels would be off the charts.
Current Funky Winkerbean is of poor quality, but it could be so much worse. Witness the current Mark Trail.
Given that any thought or effort put into writing about Funky Winkerbean is, by default, more thought or effort than was put into actually writing FW in the first place, it seems insufficient to praise you for putting more work into this than Tom Batiuk ever did.
CBH, if there were a Ph.D. in Winkerbeanology, I’m certain your work would qualify you for a degree with first class honours. Mind you, I can’t imagine that the degree would then qualify you for any kind of employment … but it’s the pursuit of knowledge that’s the real reward, right?
As CBH is our resident Ph.D. in Winkerbeanology, I authorize her cattle to low in her presence, her sheep must bleat comfortably, and any goat must recognize Comic Book Harriet as our G.O.A.T.
Corn, wheat, milo, and soybeans must produce abundantly. The same goes for tobacco if the Iowa weather permits. Her mother and sisters must always be appreciative of her, and willing to buy her meals. (That last sentence goes without her even winning the Ph. D.)