beckoningchasm

The Springhead of this Country

Many thanks to TFH for his outstanding work for this underwhelming strip. A week of moaning over renos followed by Les exalting his own genius, and TFH is still among us!

Today, Jessica overhears Pete and Dullard talking, and her first reaction is to get worried. Yes sir, this is a marriage on firm ground, all right. They could be talking about a surprise party for her, or something nice, but she’s no doubt thinking Dullard has spent the rent money on comic book art again.

Which is, come to think, a genuine worry for her. Dullard seems rather irresponsible, money-wise, considering he’s the sole breadwinner and has a young son. Yet he acts as if money is no object and gives away valuable comic art for Lisa’s Legacy. (I’m kind of surprised he didn’t buy it all back.)

This makes me wonder why he and Jessica are together at all. They don’t seem to share any interests and rarely communicate with each other. Jessica did buy two tickets to the Flash Museum…so Dullard could go with Pete. And of course that “story” mirrored this one, only Dullard thought Jessica was cheating on him. It’s become a routine with them, like a comedian saying his catchphrase.

I’m positive that today’s episode will not provide any lasting changes, though. How do I know this? It’s Funky Winkerbean. Despite Mr. Batiuk’s touting his own ability to make his characters grow and change, they never do.

The Ladder of Divine Ascent

Link to today’s strip.

Here we have the quintessential “tell, don’t show” strip as everyone stands around marveling at a display of which we, of course, get barely a glimpse. Instead, we get to look at a quintet of imbeciles.

The real treat is panel three, where Tony speeds out of Montoni’s with a huge ladder, that was apparently just sitting around somewhere. Funky looks puzzled, Wally looks at the floor, and Adeela’s face is almost covered by a crucifix! There, that’ll show her! Based on what we can see, she’s either amused or about to throw up.

Holly’s face is that of sheer terror. Tony’s face seems to say “Ha ha, fooled you!” and I think Holly is about to yell to Funky, “Stop him! That grotesque old gnome is stealing our only ladder!“

But no, he’s just using one of the non-black Santa hats to plop onto the Montoni’s mascot. Giving us, in the process, another unneeded look at his fat ass. Something tells me that hat won’t survive the first gust that comes along, but at least someone actually tried to do something without bemoaning the oncoming failure.

I will say this: the street in that last panel is very well presented. It looks like it’s wet from freshly melted snow, so good on whoever was responsible for that detail.

And that’s it from me for this go-round. Tune in tomorrow when Epicus Doomus sits in the center seat. See you on the Funway!

Attack of the Clowns

Link to today’s strip.

“What should I do with this Santa hat? It’s red and kind of cheerful. Should I throw it in the trash?”

I hope K-2SO is suitable mortified to appear in Funky Winkerbean. I’m not sure why he’s making an appearance at all, other than Batiuk recounting his re-reading of Isaac Asimov’s “robot” stories. Which begs the question, why isn’t this Isaac from the Starbuck Jones comics? It’s one of Batiuk’s own creations, and he certainly hasn’t let up on the Starbuck Jones horn much since that was introduced. Maybe, as Red Letter Media would say, Batiuk is subverting our expectations.

Of course, K-2SO is not an Asimov robot, he’s a Star Wars droid. Who appeared in a movie, not in a comic book*, but I guess John’s shop is just an emporium for all kinds of pop culture ephemera. I wanted to say “garbage” but in the spirit of the season I’m being nice.

*Yes, there probably was a comic book adaptation of Rogue One, but considering how far Star War‘s fortunes have fallen since 2016, I doubt a lot of people are hunting it down…especially if the so-called “time jump” means that Rogue One opened fourteen years ago. And double yes, there are far older properties that are still celebrated, but I don’t think Rogue One is going to join that list. It’s a decent film in a franchise that has better entries. Funky Winkerbean should aspire so high.

The Longest Short Story

Link to today’s strip.

First off, those are the blackest “Santa hats” I’ve ever seen. I guess the band is going to play at Santa’s wake.

But really, in what way is this a “long story”? Funky appears to be able to tell the entire thing in a single sentence. But they had to make coffee and settle in a booth so he could do this?

This makes me think Funky’s “That’s a long story” is his way of saying “Stop bothering me.” So Adeela went off and made coffee and came back and said “I made coffee” and Funky responded “Oh okay.”

And then he got bored and told the story in the dullest way possible, rather than trying to make it interesting. Hey, if his creator can’t do it, what chance does Funky have?

I Saw The Light

Link to today’s strip.

This is another baffler. In panel one, young Funky appears to be having a pleasant acid trip. In panel two, old Funky carefully arranges huge Christmas lights on a tree that looks unable to support said lights.

I guess it’s something to with colored lights being nice to look at? The odd candle-lights Funky is arranging are the same colors as the floating balls in panel one.

Whatever Batiuk is going for, this is way too subtle for me. Or dumb. Reader’s choice.