beckoningchasm

Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Yeah, I know, Frankie’s been there for several weeks, but how could I resist that title?

There’s a marked difference in tone when Tom Batiuk loves a character (Les), hates a character (Bull et al) and when he doesn’t give a damn about a character (a lot of them).

Mason seems to fall into this third category; once Batiuk got the pun through, he really seemed to lose interest in Mason. Oh sure, he’s a nice guy, well off, generous to a fault (or a Darrin), a bit dim, very good at calming Cindy’s many fears…other than that, he’s a paper towel. He’s there to get the job done and that’s it.

Cindy seems to be somewhere in the half-world between hatred and indifference. On the one hand, she’s a mass of neuroses which need constant tending; she’s rude to every female she meets; and she gave up on Funky. On the other, she’s been given a guy who goes out of his way to help her feel good about herself. The only other person who has had such a devoted mate was…Les Moore. It may be that now she’s “old” and feels terrible about her condition, she’ll be allowed some relief.

Though I would have said that about Bull up until last week. He was actively trying to cut down on bullying in the school, wanting to atone for what he’d done as a student. And then he got handed his ass. That still seems like the cruelest blow ever struck by this strip (though BillyTheSkink’s rundown of Coach Stropp’s last days seems definitely worse).

I guess in Tom Batiuk’s mind, Bull was turning out to be an “okay” person, a candidate for possible redemption, until Tom Batiuk happened to thumb through one of the high school yearbooks that he keeps close at hand, and noted that the guy who bullied him in school was named “Jerome,” and then something snapped.

And now, taking up the entire stage right, we have Frankie. This is not my favorite drawing of Frankie. This–

–is my favorite drawing of Frankie. Look at that openly happy and joyous expression! There’s a man about to explode with happiness–or a man surgically altered for transfer to the “Popeye” comic strip. He’s also hiding a turkey baster in his shirt, which shows preparedness! Unless that’s Kuato waking up.

Despite his status as a villain, Frankie is another character that Tom Batiuk seems to have no idea what to do with. (Sorry about the grammar, there.) It’s clear that Batiuk wants a villain (not recognizing that Les Moore fits that role to a T), but it’s also clear that he doesn’t want a real villain–someone that could only be defeated through cleverness and *cough* work. Hence, Frankie is always portrayed as somewhat hapless and unprepared, and his schemes (such as they are) are so blatantly stupid that even a half-wit like Darrin doesn’t fall for them. With a spot of cleverness, Frankie’s schemes could probably work; all he needs to do is disguise his intent somewhat and the Westview morons would fall into line. Unfortunately, that “spot of cleverness” will always be lacking. Because there can only be one “smart” person in the comic strip. And anything that takes away from Les Moore’s lustre is not to be permitted.

So…any guesses as to the form his latest scheme will take? A headline like “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ in Torrid Affair!” seems likely. Of course, “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ Enjoy Ice Cream!” is also a good guess. Remember, this is Frankie we’re dealing with.

Mister-E Man

Link to today’s strip.

So, based on his parking spot, it looks like Mason went ahead and legally changed his name. I guess that nagged at Tom Batiuk from the beginning (as most trivia seems to nag at him) as he realized that “Jarre” looks a lot more natural than “Jarr,” as well as a lot less stupid. The name “Mason Jarre” is plenty stupid on its own, no need to help it along with dumb spelling.

That’s literally all I’ve got for this strip today. The “Screw Bull Over But Good” arc has really drained my ability to make anything out of this crap. If it’s all going to be rewards for Les, vindictiveness for the regulars, and bland filler for the rest, it’s really hard to look for anything when the hated-loved ones aren’t in the strip. We all know an arc with Jarre is going to be filler. We also know there aren’t going to be any “sparks” on set–even the mishap mentioned by Mason is something we weren’t allowed to see (in typical fashion). It’s a lot easier to draw people standing around and talking than it is to show something interesting happening. Not, of course, that there’s ever anything interesting happening in this strip.

By the way, I think I’ve figured out why the shooting schedule is so haphazard for the “Starbuck Jones” thing. They’re not shooting a movie. They’re shooting a television series, despite what Tom Batiuk tells you. (You know you can’t trust him to be honest with you.)

Probably a “SyFy Original Series” given the quality level. Though I think the SyFy channel would balk at “Starbuck Jones.” If you’re at all familiar with what the SyFy channel coughs up, that’s not a good portent for Tom Batiuk’s beloved comic book.

My Mother Said, To Get Things Done, You’d Better Not Mess With Major Tom

Link to today’s strip.

Wow.

You see that, sportos? If you start out in sports and athletic endeavors, your life will end in crushing failure after a career of setback after setback. Any chance for happiness will be snatched back at the last moment, leaving your suffering ever more exquisite. Serves you right for bullying certain people we could name. Those people practice the only pure sport known to man, running!

You just wasted your entire life. You could have done things differently–you could have followed the smart people, and become a big comic book fan. Those people never ever fail at anything, and are always living fulfilling lives. People smile and wave at them, and offer them rewarding jobs just because they’re comic book fans. Just think, right now, Linda could be bringing you milk and cookies as you sat in the attic reading about the Flash. But no, in the strip, you’ve never even mentioned whether you even like comic books. Loser!

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a naked expression of hatred from a creator to his creation as today’s strip. This goes way beyond harsh into rabid, frothing vendetta-land. This is a person deciding his child’s kindergarten painting wasn’t very good–so it needed to be shredded in front of said child’s eyes as a lesson. This is “vindictive” with a capital “murder,” to the point where I honestly can’t believe what I’m seeing.

And it would have been so easy to turn it around, to make it something positive. Get rid of Bull’s dialogue in panels 4 through 6, and replace it with Linda: “Bull, it’s okay. That’s the last act of your old life. The life where you were always worried and angry and things kept going wrong. That life’s over, and we’re starting your new life tonight. The one where we face life together. You and me.” Then the lights go out, but there’s the hopeful tinge that Bull actually has something to look forward to. But no, we get an ever descending chorus of bleakness, then the lights go out. I’m surprised there wasn’t a “BANG!” sound effect in that last panel.

It seems weird, because it sure looked like Bull was being rehabilitated. As HeyItsDave pointed out on the 24th, Bull has a long list of favors that he’s done for Les. I mean, if you can’t get absolution doing favors for Les Moore, than your star really is about to shatter. But there’s always been a rather blatant contempt for sports in the strip. Yeah, Wedgeman and the other team members were stupidly evil, but that’s typical for a lot of comic strips. The real “sports is nothing and requires no talent” bit came when a star quarterback emerged from smoking loser Jared. No practice, no hard work, no talent, anyone could do it.

Today’s strip, though. I mean, like a nine-car pileup, it’s hard to look away. This strip really looks like a revenge fantasy that Tom Batiuk drew without ever intending to publish (a sort of voodoo-strip, if you will). But then there was this deadline, see, and time got short–

Makes me wonder if he has Sunday revenge-strips all drawn, inked and colored about all of us. Somehow, I would not be surprised.

The Dead Zone

Link to today’s strip.

I don’t advocate violence against anyone, but I think Bull here would be perfectly justified in punching Linda right in the face, as hard as he can.

Here, Bull has just failed at a final task his former coach assigned him, and all she can think to do is make a joke basically saying, “Well, Bull, we knew you’d fail from the beginning. We just wanted to see it happen.”

That, my friends, is the very definition of mean-spirited. The only way this could work would be if Bull was in on it–“You knew I’d do that, didn’t you?” Easily done:

Just add a half-lidded smirk and the venom is drained out of it.

However, this also illustrates a point made by our very own Paul Jones on the 29th. If I may quote:

His metier is really the gag a day strip that has no consequences to its jokes but he doesn’t realize it.

In a nutshell and on target. That is the major failing of this strip–Tom Batiuk is trying to tell long-form stories here, but he is still in the mindset of the gag-a-day strip, where everything must be status quo ante after the day’s last panel. The two forms really don’t mix well at all. It’s why medical and psychological conditions have no real consequences, and why–in this instance–someone can make a cruel joke about a character’s failure and we’re all supposed to brush it off. As Scarlett O’Hara might have said (were she to find herself in a mediocre comic strip), “Tomorrow is another gag.”

As I’ve said before, I think the worst thing that ever happened to Tom Batiuk was being nominated for a Pulitzer Prize. We’ll never know the reasoning behind that nomination, but it basically said to Tom Batiuk, “Yes, the long-form dramatic comic strip is what you should be doing. You should never go back to gag-a-day. You are on the right path.” And all the evidence that he is not on the right path gets swept aside in the waves of an ego-storm. Criticism that might make him take a second look is overshadowed by the words “Pulitzer nominee.”

The thing is, of all the long-form stories that he’s told, none of them have been told well. They’re not interesting–or if they start out that way, they are quickly mediocre’d until they stop that. They’re not insightful or poignant or heart-warming or anything at all. They just take up space.

Something I’m guessing Bull will stop doing shortly.

Shut Up, Donny

Link to today’s trip.

“Flag on the field. How did it get there?”

Well, you knew this was coming, right? Given the choice between a sentimental gesture and a comedic pratfall, which one would he go with? Well, there really wasn’t a choice, was there–sentiment only rears its head when Les Moore is involved, and he’s nowhere in sight (thank goodness). Too bad the pratfall lacks the “comedic” bit. In all seriousness, though, how utterly uncoordinated does Bull have to be to trip by stepping on a tiny banner? Oh, I get the symbolism–Big Walnut Tech has once again prevented Bull from scoring–but couldn’t it be done in a subtler way?

“Touch a pennant. Things happen. A coach becomes a buffoon.”

As you know, there was a similar moment in the Coen Brothers film “The Big Lebowski.” I won’t spoil it for you if you haven’t seen the film, but there it was funny, appalling, in character, and worked. Here, it is none of those things, and it doesn’t work. It just seems like another kick from Tom Batiuk against his old high school nemesis. The one task that Bull promised Coach Stropp he would do, and he fails at it. Hardy har har.

“Bull Bushka, noted coach. Now clown. Stumble. Stumble, just to be stumbling.”

Again, the whole premise just seems stupid. The idea that Coach Stropp would want his remains treated in such a cavalier way, the idea that the school apparently knows nothing of his arrangement with Bull…I mean, surely when Stropp died, the school would have assembled to watch Bull amble toward the goal line, as a gesture of respect toward his career? No? There’s just an urn in the locker room with no identification, no one other than Bull knows how it got there (or even that it is there), and the school is perfectly okay with all of this. (The idea that anyone would want their mortal remains placed in the high school shows just how much said high school has shaped Tom Batiuk’s thinking.)

“Nothing bothers some people, not even funeral urns in the locker room.”

The strangest thing is this: Everyone, even Coach Stropp, is fine with the idea that Coach Stropp will be honored by the school when Bull retires, and not one moment before.

I keep re-reading the last sentence I just typed, hoping I’ll glean some insight, but it just keeps getting dumber and dumber.

“Bull Bushka. Caught in the wheels of cartooning.”