Son of Stuck Funky – Page 18 – Son of Stuck Funky

Blog Spox Reax: Batx Work Sux

A “Sticks Nix Hick Pix” reference? That’s the lowest form of humor…
Billy The Skink

Hey, I do my best, man. 😏

If my ongoing TBTropes series of posts was a college course, this week’s Crankshaft could be the final exam. Because this week, Tom Batiuk is putting on a master class of his worst qualities as a writer. I’ve already written a longer explanation for each of these, so I’ll be brief in recounting them.

Class, let’s start the review:

Retconning. Retroactive continuity is not unique to Tom Batiuk. Nor is it a bad thing in principle. But Batiuk abuses the privilege. He constantly reinvents past events in the Funkyverse to make them even darker, more favorable to his current preferred characters, or for unclear reasons.

Emily’s first visit to the Centerville Sentinel started on November 18, 2024, with the explanation that she was there to do a class assignment. The week ended with Emily saying a nice goodbye to Skip, and announcing she got an A+ in the class. Okay, fine. It was a week of dreadful jokes, but harmless enough to escape this blog’s notice. Until now.

“Who Art Thy Daddy?”, Sayeth Paul To The Galatians, While Splitting Aces

Tom Batiuk’s latest blog post Match To Flame 219 starts with one of the most bizarre sentences I’ve ever read.

It was another one of those road to Damascus–double down–who’s your daddy moments.

I have so many questions about this. What life event could possibly be described by all three of these cliches at the same time, especially when the first two contradict each other? A “road to Damascus” is a sudden, major change in one’s beliefs. To “double down” is to increase your commitment to something you’re already doing. So, it’s one of those “change while emphatically not changing” moments in life? And how often does this happen to Tom Batiuk? It must be a lot, because he introduces it with the phrase “it was another one of those” moments. As if he’s rolling his eyes from the sheer boredom of it all.

I want to rework George Carlin’s “fine and dandy” bit to be about these three phrases instead. “I never use the phrase ‘road to Damascus–double down–who’s your daddy moments.’ Why? Because I’m never all three of those things at the same time! Sometimes, I am indeed on the road to Damascus. Just the other day, I was flying from New York to change planes in Dubai. But I never double down during those trips! In fact, I’m pretty sure blackjack is illegal in Muslim countries. And I never use the phrase ‘who’s your daddy?’ Unless I find a lost little girl at the park, and I’m trying to find her parents. Then I might ask, ‘who’s your daddy?'”

That Time Cranky Almost Died

Sorry for such a long gap between posts. I think the ‘Crankys’ this year would more aptly be called the “Slappies”. You would not believe how long I’ve been agonizing about the relative dickishness and awards-worthiness of an entire A-Team of Assholes.

Cs asked for it, so I thought I would give it to you. The plotline where Cranky almost died of the flu. What year was this? I’m not sure. The ‘Strike Four’ collection doesn’t have any dates on the strips, but Mindy and Max are still pretty young, so some time in the early to mid 90’s. Fairly early in the strip’s run, relatively speaking.

I post this as a reminder that Cranky was tackling soap-opera style pathos and long form arcs from the beginning. It was never purely a gag strip like early Funky Winkerbean was. I’m curious to know what you all think of it. Personally, I find a lot to like here, but I’ve always been a classic Crankshaft apologist.

REPORT, Mr. Data!

Y. Knott had a great question on my last post,

For all of your information, Cranky was silent in 46 of his strip appearances in 2024. Though for many of those ‘silent’ strips he was still very much the center of attention.

Dilly Tally!

Happy New Year to all the beautiful nit pickers out in beady eye land!

Yours truly got a thrilling late Christmas Gift to ring in 2025 in style, laryngitis!

But I haven’t just spent the last week shuffling around the house while my voice gradually grows from the faint dying squeals of a drowning bag of field mice to the brassy honks of a trombone entering puberty. I’ve gotten to work on the year end Crankshaft report, gearing up for Cranky Awards Season coming soon.

So! For all you data and lore obsessives out there!