April 2008
Again today we have Blonde and Blonder acting like a couple of newlyweds when we’ve got proof, proof, people, that these high-school sweethearts tied the knot eleven years ago. It feels not so much like a willful retcon as it does that Batiuk settles for just making his puppets dance and say cute things and calling it “storytelling”.
I’ve “remixed” panel 2 to suggest a more natural dialogue between two people who’ve had 11 years to get used to the realities of “marraige” [sic]:
Ladies and gentlemen,
To make a long story short: I’ve made the difficult decision to step aside after three years as your genial host. Snarking on Funky Winkerbean has been lots of fun, but it does consume quite a bit of time that I really need to be devoting to my family and my career.
The SoSF community is the wittiest and friendliest online community I’ve ever had the pleasure to be involved with, and I would hate to turn you all loose with no place to snark. To that end, I am looking for a successor. I feel that there are more than a few of you reading this whose ability to rip Tom Batiuk a new one on a daily basis far surpasses my own.
I’m hoping that I can turn over the proceedings here to a new master (or mistress) of ceremonies. In addition to a knowledge of Funky Winkerbean canon, the ideal candidate should have experience with WordPress and access to a web hosting service (preferably not GoDaddy, but that’s up to you). I would be handing over all assets: the sonofstuckfunky.com domain, the @sonofstuckfunky Twitter account, the last three years’ worth of posts, and help with the transition.
So give it some thought; do be advised that maintaining a blog like this can turn into a time suck (hell, just reading Funky Winkerbean can be a waste of time, let alone analyzing it). I will entertain any questions in the comments below, or you can contact me directly using the “Contact SoSF” form in the right sidebar of this page.
Thanks for reading and, for the love of God, stay Funky!
Your pal,
TFHackett
Son of Stuck Funky
Louder
April 11, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Right, because Hollywood studios always have someone who has zero experience in writing movie scripts writing the first draft. That always happens.
Talk about putting the cart before the horse, huh? Though he can’t even get started on his screenplay, Les imagines himself and Cayla at the Academy Awards®. Even in his fantasies, Les must be self-effacing.
Hey, douchebag: there’s no “second place” at the Oscars®: you either win it or you don’t. And if Lisa’s Story were to be nominated, it’d be in the category of “Adapted Screenplay”. And oh, yeah: they don’t hand out Oscars® to made-for-basic-cable-television “movies”. Anyway, it’s Les’ daydream: naturally, this high school teacher and part-time pizza counterman from the Midwest beats out the likes of Tony Kushner, Quentin Tarantino and Wes Anderson* to take home the statuette, as Lisa’s ghost, smiling approvingly, hovers over his left shoulder.
(*Just a few of the nominees from last year)
The Academy, as the copyright owner of the Academy’s “Oscar” statuette, and owner of its trademarks and service marks, including “OSCAR®,” “OSCARS®,” “ACADEMY AWARD®,” “ACADEMY AWARDS®,” “OSCAR NIGHT®,” “A.M.P.A.S.®” and the federally registered “Oscar” design mark, is required to protect its properties against unauthorized uses and infringements.
Cayla, honey: your first reaction to your husband’s good news probably should be something like “That’s great, baby! Congratulations!” instead of immediately trying to gauge how much money’s coming your way. “Television? Movies?!?“ Well, turns out both answers are correct in a sense…but taken together, they equal less than the whole.
John
April 8, 2013 at 5:37 pm
By the way, in said year and a half, we have yet to have an actual name for the mysterious “Hollywood Buyer”…neither a person nor a company name.
Mysterious indeed, even to Les: “something called CME…Cable Movie Entertainment”. Sounds like the Funkiverse equivalent of the Lifetime Network or Hallmark Channel. Guess that means no big-name stars, no 3-D…so much for Les’ labor of love being made into “a real movie“.
What’s the perfect reward for someone who invests precious time and energy every day into actively hating and griping about a 41-year old newspaper comic strip? How about a handsome, bound volume collecting three years’ worth of that comic strip? You know you want this book.
I just wish I could come up with a clever and challenging contest around such a coveted prize. Instead, the path to winning is stupid easy: just leave a comment on this post between now and 11:59 PM EDT, Saturday, April 13. As in past giveaways, the winner will be selected totally at random using the WordPress plugin “And the Winner Is“. Enter as often as you like, but if you’ve won a previous giveaway, another winner will be randomly chosen.
Thanks to everyone who reads and comments on SoSF!
Your pal,
TFH aka Tom Hackett
Small print:
Prize is a new, hardcover copy of The Complete Funky Winkerbean Vol. II, shipped directly from Amazon.com. Winner must provide shipping address. Enter before 11:59PM EDT, Saturday, April 13, 2013. Son of Stuck Funky and this contest are in no way sponsored by or affiliated with Batom Inc., King Features Syndicate, or amazon.com.
Son of Stuck Funky 
