I Pray the Lord My Soul to Take

Sleepin’ with your back to your loved one
This is all that we’ve learned about happiness

“Check It Out“, John Mellencamp

I’ve already gone on record admitting I usually like the way Batiuk draws couples kissing. So I think today’s panel 2 is sorta cute, even if Funky looks like Mister Magoo. And, probably by coincidence, Batty has depicted the current lunar phase! The text content, though…meh. The Winkerbeans have  settled in for the night when Holly offhandedly mentions a couple things she’d forgotten to tell him.

The “check engine” light, that bane of motorists’ peace of mind since the late 20th century. Usually not as serious as other dashboard indicators such as, say, the brake light. Probably 75% of the time it’s just letting you know it’s time for an oil change. On one of my cars, I ignored the “check engine” light until it burned out–problem solved!

And the expiration date of Holly’s driver’s license is somehow tied to Funky’s? Do they do their motor vehicle business together like they do their annual physical? In either case, both issues can be addressed in the morning and are nothing over which to lose sleep, or shouldn’t be to a man who’s struggled to keep a business afloat, dealt with an aging parent, or had a kid serving overseas in the military.

Dirty ‘trix

Funky seems confused? He’s got plenty of company among readers of today’s strip as we try to parse the supposed humor here. Exactly what disturbing “mental image” does the word executrix conjure in his mind? Is Funky envisioning his spouse as a female pilot? Doesn’t make sense, but when did that ever disqualify a gag in the Funkiverse? Perhaps the first syllables of the word have him thinking that Holly is going to “execute” him? If she hasn’t had him whacked by now he’s probably safe. Well then I guess the gag is that Funky, that dirty old man, associates “executrix” with “dominatrix”, two words with absolutely no other connection aside from the last four letters, and is envisioning the wife looking like Rosie O’Donnell in Exit to Eden. You Google it.

Assets to Assets, Funk to Funky

Presenting the last panel from Wednesday’s, Tuesday’s, and today’s strips:

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Funky cannot seem to shake his morbid delusion. Once the discussion switches over from pizzeria humor to the somber minutiae of trusts and probate law, the gravity of the business at hand preys on Funky’s feeble mind until he’s convinced that he’s already died. And that’s not even the bad part: it’s starting to sink in that his afterlife will be spent in this room with a lawyer and his wife.

Trust Never Sleeps

Well, Groundhog Day was a week ago, but readers will be forgiven if they feel like they’re re-reading yesterday’s strip today. Panel one, Anono-Lawyer uses a legal term; panel two, lawyer guy turns it over to Funky and Holly. Panel three–the payoff!–Funky says something pitiful.

Since I said everything yesterday that could be said about this setup, I’ll use the remainder of my time to share a couple hunches. First, that building we see out the window in panel 2 seems rather lovingly detailed, especially in light of Mr. “Halftone Gradient” Batiuk’s usual disdain for drawing scenery. Perhaps it is a Real Place in Ohio?

Secondly, as this blog nears its seventh anniversary (thanks to every one of our readers and contributors!), Funky Winkerbean is coming up on forty-five years. I would not put it past Tom Batiuk, assuming he plans to mercifully retire FW at the fifty-year mark, to end with a drawn out “Funky Dies” arc, in which every single abandoned plot line is resolved. Better get to work on that now, Tom.