Son of Stuck Funky

Punchcraft

Well, this raises a few questions. What “disruption” is Darin talking about? When Jessica says they’ll “catch up” with him, does that mean a later flight? Or is she not going to California with him? Is she aware that Funky is preparing to rent the apartment out from under her? Not that her situation merits a single thought from anyone, since she’s a female–and we all know how important they are in this strip. Still, it would have been nice to see some of this “disruption” rather than that damned wentletrap Les waving his operculum around the last couple of days. I guess we get the fun of guessing what the “disruption” was.

Lost Skyler’s Batman-themed diapers.
Frankie showed up again, asked for a “cup a coffee.” None could be found.
Someone’s father was murdered.

What do you want to bet we’ll never know?

I dunno about the rest of you, but I find Darin such an unbelievably boring character–who at the same time, manages to be insufferable–that it’s hard to find anything to say about him. To the best of my (admittedly not very extensive) knowledge, he has accomplished nothing of note in the strip. Yeah, there’s the Pizza App, but that has had zero impact, other than as the butt of several jokes. He’s like a gangly, angular construct of ambulatory meat.

At least the other characters have interests, even if those interests are nothing more than comic books. At least that’s something. Darin seems to exist in a shell where he’s nothing more than the sacred essence of Lisa. I guess, in the viewpoint of some, that’s all you need to be to be considered worthy of attention–you’re somehow under Lisa’s shadow.

The Way You Punch Tonight

Link to today’s strip.

Thursday’s strip was not available for preview, so instead I’m going to speculate a bit.

Apparently Les is serious about writing Lisa’s Story – The First Shoe, a book about how he first met Lisa. And I’ll be damned if I can figure out what he can put into it.

Oh, I know he’ll talk about himself and his feelings. That’s no mystery. But I’m thinking that the events he can talk about would already be in the first book.

I know that in the real world, it’s a selection of newspaper comics, but in universe, it’s supposed to be a moving story of how Les suffered and yet was so caring and witty while terrible things happened around him. But again, in universe, wouldn’t he have provided some portrait of Lisa, telling how they’d met, how their relationship developed, and so on? Even if only in a forward, or a prologue? Otherwise, the reader is given a dying woman with no real reason to care at all. He has to have personalized her so that the reader can see what she means to him and thus connect to her story. That’s the title of the book after all.

…Though as we later saw, when he was writing the script he had no idea how to portray Lisa until Cayla dug out her diary. Honestly, that makes the in universe book even worse in my opinion–it is nothing but all Les, all the time.

Here’s my crack at the opening of the in universe Lisa’s Story. Feel free to submit your own in the comments!

“This is a story of unbelievable pain, unbelievable suffering, yet holding aloft the intelligence, the humility, and the wit to survive it all. It’s also the story of how my wife died, and how I was there for here…even before she knew me.

“To begin at the beginning, I always found high school to be beneath my natural gifts. Because I couldn’t conform downward, I naturally became the outcast. Barely understood by most, yet mindful of their jealousy, I did my best to keep my grades up and my sights higher. Unappreciated by the teachers, I was well on my way to a ‘mediocre’ high school experience when one day I met someone who I knew would love me. Unlike those damnable others.

“Her name was Lisa. And I was the best thing that ever happened to her.”

I think I’ll stop here, I’m creeping myself out.

From Here to Punchternity

Link to today’s strip.

Poor Cayla. Doomed forever to live in Lisa’s shadow. Of course, she brought it on herself so it’s difficult to feel any sympathy when Les realizes, “Hey, this might get expensive, and she’s not Lisa, so why did I even bother telling her I’d take her overseas. I’ll buy her dinner somewhere. At the Paris Bar-B-Que & Bar-B-Beer-o-Rama in nearby Flungdown, Ohio. And I’ll pretend it’s Paris, France, and she’ll be just floored by how clever I am. She’s already happy with everything I do, so even if I instead spend the Beer-O-Rama’s five bucks on framing a Lisa picture, she’ll smile in delight.

“And if she insists on China–ha, like she’d insist on anything–I’ll take her to the Golden China Dump in Wastelife, Ohio and she’ll think I’m double clever. She always does.”

My brother went to China a couple of years ago, and it’s not the sort of trip a cheapskate Wetviewian would undertake. According to my brother, you’d be wise to go first class, because you can develop some severe health problems in a cramped lower-class seat. Although, come to think of it, if Cayla got severe health problems…

Ahem.

So, I went to Priceline (because Captain Kirk is cool), plugged in my nearest airport, put in Hong Kong as the destination and selected the dates of November 12 – 18. (I think Les’ anniversary is around that time. Like Les himself, I can’t remember.) The result–

Whoa. Let’s try something a little more reasonable. I plugged in my numbers for a late-August, early-September trip to Beijing.

Still up there in “Yikes!” territory for a Language Arts teacher who doesn’t make a lot of money (as the teachers continuously point out). Keep in mind, in both cases that’s per person, so Les is going to be out anywhere from $25 to $16 grand*. This is a guy who wouldn’t bother to warn his first wife that she might die–and he’s going to spend that much money on Cayla? Somehow I think the excuses will come a’runnin’ and Cayla will meekly accept them, now that she understands that she’s worthless. (Sure seems like Les has been far more damaging than her old typing teacher could ever hope to be.)

Observe that she’s just now moving next to Les on the porch swing, now that Darin has left. My assumption is that she was afraid she might distract attention away from Les, and that would never do. Cayla is symptomatic of some kind of syndrome, that’s for sure. I think it’s Lack of Pulitzer Nomination Syndrome, and I hear it’s pretty wearisome.

*Some might suggest that Les’ publishers would foot the bill. In the real world, an author who had deliberately sabotaged a movie adaptation of his own work would be lucky to get a second book, and he’d be flung out a window if he asked for a free trip to China. In the fantasy world of Westview, they’d not only foot the bill, they’d make sure it was national television news. I don’t feel bound by Tom Batiuk’s logic, however…one of the main reasons this strip consistently fails to impress.

Punch Me to the Moon

Link to today’s strip

Yeah–that sounds exactly like the way publishing must work. Let’s take a book that’s already completed and put it aside for a book that’s barely begun, and might take (agonized) years to finish. In the meantime, the folks who put literally moments into illustrating the first book will wait patiently to be paid. This is as close to real as it gets, folks! After all, if top-of-the-bestseller-lists author Les Moore isn’t handled properly, and given all the time he wants to mediocretize, he might skip to another vanity press! Heavens!

Notice how in just one day, the focus has switched from Darin’s Californian Adventure back to Lisa. That Pulitzer nomination must be the bitterest flavor Tom Batiuk has ever tasted. Notice, too, that Cayla shows up just now so she can be further humiliated and placed at the back of the bus so Lisa can ride up front. I find it very difficult to feel sympathy for her, however, as this is a bus she chose when she fought to get Les as a prize.

I take it back. The failure of the Pulitzer committee to notice that Tom Batiuk had married his most wondrous character ever to a black woman–that taste must be bitterest of all.

Empunchable You

Link to today’s strip.

Greetings, BChasm back for another stretch driving the Funky Phantom. In today’s episode, the most notable thing is another amazingly punchable face by Les in panel three. It’s so punchable, in fact, that it looks as if Tom Batiuk beat us all to the punch (so to speak) and just kept punching. I’ve never seen a visage as scrambled as that, outside of Beetle Bailey after Sarge scrunches him to the ground.

As to the “content,” why would Darin ask Les about his Hollywood experience? I’m going to assume for the sake of argument that Darin actually wants to work on this movie, and to see it through to completion, thus possibly getting a good-paying job. Les, you’ll recall, worked tirelessly to torpedo his movie and make certain that Hollywood would never call him again. It’s hard to think of a greater example of non-success, or, to give it its proper name, failure. Unless Darin is planning on doing the exact opposite of everything Les says, he’s doomed.

The feeling on my part is that the movie won’t be made anyway. Given the absolute sacredness with which comic books are viewed in this strip, coupled with how Evil Hollywood always wants to alter the purity of the material it has been given, means that all the cast and crew will resign en masse in order to keep from sullying the wonder that is Starbuck Jones. If it doesn’t come from Les, it’s not allowed to happen.

By the way, I think I’ve figured out what it is that I dislike most about the art in this strip as it appears throughout Act III. It’s not the smirks, it’s the half-lidded eyes, the ones that seem to be carrying on their own conversation. “You know, right?” “Of course I know. And you know, too.” It’s that unspoken superiority to all things that is totally unearned. It makes me want to punch Les all the more, although all the characters do it.