“Illos”???? At first glance I had absolutely NO IDEA what he was saying there. Boy Lisa is like forty years old, there’s no need for the childish slang. Anyhow, sad-sack Dick Facey is all mopey and despondent because he has YET ANOTHER case of “writer’s block” (or in this case, “writo nogo”) even though he’s writing YET ANOTHER book about Lisa…the only topic he’s written about in decades. At some point perhaps it’d be best if Les just dropped the stupid fantasy about being a writer, as he clearly doesn’t have the aptitude for it. If writing is always such a torturous task maybe he should consider writing about something aside from his dead wife, as obviously the two things have merged into one miserable trope he clearly hates. And everyone else hates it too, thus if he quits everyone wins.
Tag: Boy Lisa
Wrapped In Spastic
Hur HURRRR hur hur…is there anything more pathetic than Boy Lisa trying to engage in wry wordplay? Because if such a thing exists I definitely don’t want to see it. So, after years and years of filming the SJ movie is “wrapped” but fret not, those of you wondering how this news will affect the twenty-seven SJ-related unresolved subplots. For you see, they’re already filming sequel after sequel, because HOLLYWOOD, amirite? Poor BanTom, always so cynical.
So why is he calling Les? Is it about that stupid graphic novel I was hoping Batiuk forgot about? Did Lisa leave a “So Frankie’s Infiltrated Your Movie Set Via A Phony Food Truck Operation…Vol 1.” VHS tape lying around just in case her bio-son ever became a famous Hollywood storyboarder? Because the SJ production could use one of them right about now, unless BanTom forgot about that one too.
Maybe, but it’ll probably be something so fantastically stupid no one could have possibly predicted it. All we really know for sure is that whatever it is it requires Boy Lisa to be “on hiatus” from the Starbuck Jones production for a while, which could mean anything or nothing at all. Odd that BatNom felt compelled to explain that, though. I really hope this isn’t the launch of a “Lisa’s Story” ten year anniversary arc…I mean I REALLY hope it’s not that. And incidentally, the “LS” ten year anniversary is also the fifth anniversary of when TB stopped relentlessly patting himself on the back for “LS”, interestingly enough.
Meanwhile, Back At The Dick Cave…
BatNom got me again. Every single time I openly pray for a lengthy FW arc to end, every time I desperately plead for something…ANYTHING…else, he puts the zap on me and delivers a dose of Dick Facey, which always leaves me yearning for more of whatever we just suffered through again. It’s a vicious circle, an endless cycle of tedium. The man certainly has a gift.
Anyhow, the execrable Boy Lisa is on the phone for some ominous reason thus Cayla has to dutifully sleuth about the Dick Cave to ensure she won’t be interrupting The Delicate Genius while he’s penning this year’s paragraph about his dead wife because WE CAN’T HAVE THAT!!!! Why Boy Lisa wants to speak to his bi0-stepfather is beyond me, although that Lisa connection alone gives me plenty of reasons to start “uh-oh”-ing.
Typical Cayla, always on eggshells around Les. It’s kind of telling how she has to trudge outside on another sub-arctic Ohio day to bring the phone to Les, as opposed to Les simply picking up his OWN phone instead. I guess when he retires to “The Genius Works” studio he leaves his phone behind, lest it interferes with whatever weird Lisa-related thing he’s (ewwww) doing in there.
“Honey, if any dear friends or Lisa’s bio-kids call, should I disturb you in your creative sanctuary or leave you alone lest I disrupt the painful creative process?”
“Uh, no, don’t bother me today…I’ve, uh, got some old Lisa tapes I have to, uh, catalog.”
“Oh, OK. But this time could you please close the blinds? Thanks!”
Crocodile Schlock
Link To Today’s Disappointment
Oh, gross. What the hell is this? A thousand and one unresolved plot threads are just dangling there, rotting away on the vine and he has time to focus on these two awful contrivances and their repellent old-timey smoochy talk? Man alive, it’s so nauseating I might keep a copy of it in the medicine cabinet in case I accidentally eat rat poison and need to induce vomiting quickly. Once again he goes to the “frisky old coots” trope and generates “ewwwws” instead of “awwwws”. Then “gaks” followed by a few rounds of “why the f*ck do I read this thing?”.
What is he even still doing there? Why is he always in that idiotic costume? WTF is Vera’s deal? And why are Mason and Marianne…I mean Boy Lisa and Pete hanging around the set again? Are we already due for another “gee Darin, I wonder how ninety year olds made out with one another back in the ol’ Batom Comics days?” arc again? I think it’s pretty remarkable how at first glance you can’t tell if you’re looking at Marianne, Summer or Pete, especially since one of them is supposedly a Hollywood sex symbol. Here comes the nausea again.
God I hope this is a grab-bag/garbage dump week because five more days of this is going to be hellish. The “new” characters don’t normally annoy me quite as much as the regulars do but Cliff and Vera are just gratingly bad and their already-abandoned little back story was blindingly stupid even by FW standards. Maybe it’s somehow leading back around to Frankie’s Film Food flim-flam but who the hell knows? Just please, not a f*cking wedding arc…anything but a f*cking wedding arc.
Misplaced Anger
Yes, these imbeciles talk out loud during movies, too. Sigh. Maybe it’s too ambitious, maybe it never goes anywhere, maybe I’m way off here. But something tells me that Cliff Anger is alive and well and currently residing at Bedside Manor, ready to regale the gang with tales of how awful Old Hollywood was and how horrible it was to play that stupid Starbuck Jones in those terrible films he never saw a dime for making. Then he’ll probably break a hip or some other hilarious thing old people always do. You know how they are and if not, go check out “Crankshaft” where at this very moment there’s a pretty fair chance that some adorable old grouch is fracturing or suffering from something right now. There’s just no way Batiuk is going to be able to resist the lure of “Cliff Anger”, puns are like narcotics to that guy.
So, why did Jessica (with Skyler) fly out to Ohio in the first place? Has new John Darling footage been unearthed? Another Montoni’s jones? You’d assume it had to have been something somewhat important if she had to go back to Ohio just a few months after moving away, yet she has time to go see old SJ movies, so WTF? Then there’s Mason, why did HE need to fly out to Ohio? Did the studio ask him to grab the head writer and a storyboard guy and scout the Cleveland location from above? Another Montoni’s jones? You’d assume it had to have been something somewhat important if the star of the white-hot SJ franchise suddenly had to charter a jet, flee Hollywood and head to Ohio, yet as soon as he arrived his first stop was at some decrepit old movie house in the middle of nowhere. So WTF? This entire week hinged on actions that make no sense and were never explained, not even in passing. FW: the comic strip were stuff sort of happens.
Well, that was an inexplicable and wickedly unfunny little romp, wasn’t it? That’s it for me for now, but stayed tuned next week as the Host with the Most takes over…the immortal TFH!
Son of Stuck Funky 