Tag: Boy Lisa

Jupiter Goons

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And as you can see in the header, we’re off to La-La Land again. No, not Hollywood, as the Starbuck Jones movie and Boy Lisa’s struggles as an aspiring storyboarder guy with a new family to support arcs are dead in the water and circling slowly around the drain. No, I’m talking about LA-LA LAND, BanTom’s vivid little old-timey (sigh) comic book company fantasy world. Forget the insane muttering about the Starbuck Jones film, forget Boy Lisa’s Frankie-esque sneer, forget the fact that Jessica and Skylar are apparently taking the long way to California, none of that matters. It’s only a matter of time until one of these cretins says “hey, I wonder what Batom Comics was like in the olden days?” and bam, just like that it’s Cigar Guy and the two retro morons again, babbling away about imaginary comic books. All f*cking week.

Still though, this drivel is pretty funny in its own way. So Mason has been employed as the SJ male lead for a few YEARS now and they just recently signed his female co-star? Ummm, yeah, OK Tom, whatever you say. At this pace these idiots will still be laboring over this screenplay for years to come.

Boyo Boy What A Snore

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“Reclaim”? Uh yeah Jessica, whatever you say. Boy Lisa’s birthday promise seems a little ominous if you ask me, in my opinion he really ought to be recording all this wisdom “just in case”. I mean you never know when The BanMan might need to drop another shoe, you know? Anyway, that was certainly one of the more uneventful weeks in recent memory, as the characters did nothing but complain and eat pizza. Talk about soporific and pointless.

Check out Jessica’s hair in panel two…ladies and gentlemen, Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider!!! Man, he struggles with her hair even more than he does with Boy Lisa’s nose. It’s kind of difficult to believe that he just wasted an entire week on Jessica bringing pizza to California but then again, not really. And watching these two preparing to kiss is like watching a mother hamster preparing to eat her own babies, yuck.

Deep Ending On One Another

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Yep, back when Boy Lisa was dreaming about life in Hollywood he thought it’d all be pizza and comic books, but in reality it’s, uh….pizza and, ummmm, comic books. But Jessica is right on the money today, as Darin is at that point in a man’s life where he has to stop settling for the pizzeria lifestyle that defines so many of his peers and take a chance at making it big in the world of comic books and (zzzzzzzzzzz).

BanTom is often at his most unintentionally hilarious when he starts with this faux-profound claptrap…”life is so much different in your dreams”…LOL, good one Tom. Boy Lisa sure does whine a lot for a guy who’s had his last two life-salvaging jobs just drop into his lap out of nowhere, you know? Plus he has a wife that lets him do whatever he wants AND showers him with pizzas! And all he can do is sit there and bitch about how it isn’t all exactly how he envisioned it. What a big baby. Doesn’t he realize how close he came to being raised by Lisa and (gulp) Les Moore?

Just Like The First Thanksgiving…But With Toppings!

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A very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, fellow snarkers! I’m thankful for a lot of things, not the least of which is knowing that I am NOT the only person who scratches their head in confusion and disgust after reading this thing every day, as for a long, long time I was sure that I was. At first I couldn’t figure out why they’d be video chatting with Funky and Holly instead of their own families, but then I realized they’re just thanking them for the pizza. Just a few weeks ago I was cracking wise about how we were due for some pizza in this strip and bam, right on cue. And what is Pete doing there? Get a paper plate or something, you idiot. He looks like he just realized he accidentally swallowed a hair or something.

If this is the best Thanksgiving of Boy Lisa’s life, things must have been even tougher than we imagined in the loveless Fairgood household. Damn that philandering, dream-squelching Fred! Such a monster. And don’t sweat it Funky, they’ll surely mention Montoni’s on the red carpet and during the acceptance speech and at the after party and on Jimmy Fallon, unless they get distracted by comic books first, that is. And don’t worry, if they stick to this all-pizza diet they’ll be plenty big soon enough.

Another Pizza Your Heart Now Baby

 

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Looks like you could use a few folding tables or even a couple of old milk crates too there, Derwin. What a pair of brain-dead slobs. BanTom sometimes tries to pretend that Boy Lisa is just a “young guy ” who’s “just starting out” but remember, these people are in their late thirties at a minimum, which makes it all the more sad. The crooked lampshade is a nice touch too, it really gives the place that “totally hapless” look that explains so much regarding why Pete is still eternally single.

If they hate that awful Hollywood pizza so much, why are they buying so much of it? I’m assuming that the dry ice really locked-in that famed Montoni’s freshness and kept the grease from congealing too much during shipping, although how will they be able to tell? How many pizzas did she cram into that box? Did she just stack them on top of each other or what? I would think that after spending several years working there (and living directly above it) Darin would be sick to death of Montoni’s by now but I guess it’s in the blood now, like tainted heroin or some sort of incurable virus.