Bull – Page 35 – Son of Stuck Funky

We Don’t Call Him Batty For Nothing

Hey gang, it is I, Epicus, ready to steer the S.S. SoSF through a magical journey where time and newsprint collide in a cavalcade of…well, not really. It’s just another whacked-out FW arc. But still.

Apparently the muttering ~~mailman~~ comic book store lackey Harry is mindlessly jabbering about some sort of “time pool” he had stashed in his super-secret high school locker. Wonder if there’s a Pulitzer in there? Probably not….ZING! Just when you didn’t think it would be possible for the huge reunion arc to get any dumber, here you go. If you were born after 1980 this probably makes no sense whatsoever to you, but trust me, by the end of the week it won’t be much clearer.

In case you’ve already forgotten about the last time travel arc, Funky went into a coma after turning down a vodka and orange after dumping Pa Bean at Bedside Manor, during which he visited his younger self and advised his younger self to purchase a copy of “Starbuck Jones” #1, which he used to save his business after cocking it all up somehow (which happened way before the coma, BTW). Then that bit of drollery was forgotten and all of a sudden SJ # 576 (or whatever) was the priceless collectible one. I know, but seriously, that’s how it happened. Betcha this one is WAY better than that one was!!!

Lockerpalooza

Harry suddenly seems confused and agitated and is speaking nonsensically, suggesting a neurological or psychotic event. Holly, rather than becoming alarmed, calmly and resignedly responds. She’s seen it before: not only for countless hours standing behind the counter as Harry guzzled free coffee and held court in Montoni’s, but even back in high school, where he was constantly doing weird shit like inviting the gang into his locker.

Bushkaball

My fellow bloggers out there are familiar with a WordPress feature called “post tags.” Adding tags to a post “aids in navigation and allows posts and to be grouped with others of similar content.” For example, you might notice the tags for today’s post are listed this post, just before the comments, like so:

It’s a fun and handy feature, and you can even display the tags in a “tag cloud” (on this page it’s in the right-hand sidebar, under the heading “Most Tagged.” The tag cloud displays your most-used tags, and renders them in larger or smaller font sizes depending how often they are used (note the size of “Les” and “Montoni’s“).

I mention this because I regret never having created a tag called “Last panel in which everyone exchanges puzzled expressions in response to what a main character has just said.” The problem, see, is that post tags should be succinct, and there’s really no way, short of an acronym, to shorten that description. And the “LPIWEEPEIRTWAMCHJS” tag would be used a lot: in pretty much every strip that’s set in Mr. Moore’s or Mr. Kablichnick’s or Mr. Dinkle’s classroom, for starters.

Oh…Bull. Crap.

Link To Today’s Silliness

Uh, no Les, you moron, it isn’t really a “long story” at all. Cindy is out in La-La Land Buddyblogging and boinking Mason Jarr, so she couldn’t do it. That’s it. One sentence. And why the f*ck is he sulking again already? He did nothing, Bull just pulled his ass out of the fire and exactly one second later he’s pouting and moping again. What. A. Dick.

“Why sure, Les. I’ll screw over the kids in my basketball camp so you don’t look like a complete moron! Their parent’s checks have already cleared!”. I think he would have agreed to just about anything there. “Why sure Les, you can use the gym for your gun show/pornography convention/legal highs symposium/wife’s funeral!”. I mean don’t they need to run this scheme by someone with a little actual authority in the school district? They’re always complaining about their budget shortfalls but they’re always playing fast and loose with WHS resources too. There’s a sort of arrogance about it all that probably explains why the Westviewian locals are always shooting down the school levy every year, you know? And that f*cking Les is almost always behind it all, too.

Coming next week: The anxiously-awaited reunion ends in tragedy as Mary Sue and Funky collide in a dimly-lit section of the gym and ninety-four souls are lost. The survivors envy the dead. An inquiry reveals that WHS’ liability insurance does not cover unauthorized gym events and the town is forced into bankruptcy. Bull somehow remains as athletic director, though.

Reunion City Blues

Link To Today’s Contrivance

So let’s take a moment to recap this idiotic reunion arc. Cindy usually organizes the reunion, but she can’t this year, so she inexplicably gives Les the job. At no point does she specify “anywhere but the gym”. Les meets with the rest of the reunion committee and they spend the entire meeting fooling around with that stupid cancer book. At no time does anyone on the committee discuss a venue or mention the fact that Cindy does not want to use the gym. Then, after doing nothing, Les suddenly realizes there’s no venue for the reunion. He panics and sulks.

After Cayla suggests the school, Les discovers that Bull is running a sports-related activity in the gym that same day. So apparently Les will use his “friendship” with Bull to convince the moron to f*ck over the basketball campers so he can use the gym for the reunion. The dreams of young aspiring hoopsters put on hold so Les and his obese pals can waddle around the gym, all because Les was too lazy and mopey to find a more suitable venue. What a dick.

And now, obviously, Cindy will get all upset and berate Les, then she’ll be forced to apologize on his porch after it’s the Best Reunion Ever. That horrible dick with ears will be the f*cking hero again. And it sickens me, it really does. This mess is going to take weeks to play out, guaranteed.