A humbling experience? Could there be anything humble about Little Lord Les? He did nothing but roll his eyes any time one of his fans tried to relate to their author-hero. Funky, however, is right on the money about it being “pretty hard to take”.
Tag: Cayla
A Toast to a Ghost
As LesFest mercifully draws to a close, Funky lets the Cold Duck flow like champagne. As an alcoholic, he probably should delegate that task to someone else, but I guess since Funky was able to walk away from that vodka and orange, he is officially immune. Someone goes over to the Wurlitzer and fires up a sweet old Hank Williams song.
Darling let’s turn back the years
And go back to yesterday
Let’s go back even further: to the nerdiest wedding in history, the nuptial of Lisa (aka Robin the Boy Wonder) and Les (aka Batman) Moore.
Let’s pretend that time has stopped
And I didn’t go away
But honey, if you didn’t “go away”, I’d have nothing to write about, and I wouldn’t have all of northeastern Ohio lining up to kiss my ass.
We had our love to make us happy
I’m assuming that’s a younger, more svelte Funky dressed as gay Spiderman, deftly deflecting the bridal bouquet towards future first wife Cindy Summers (shown here still sporting her narwhal-like hairstyle).
It wasn’t meant to bring us tears
Of course, this being the Funkiverse, everything brings us tears. But I’m not going to waste time crying over Crazy Harry’s awful Fat Elvis “impersonation”, or the fact that Ann Apple’s pink jacket has turned blue.
Love like ours should never die
So darling let’s turn back the years
Let’s all raise a can of ginger ale to Les. And for the love of God, can we move on to a different plotline?
Wishing everybody a Halloween that is much less lame than the one depicted here!
–TFH
It's a Wonderful Les
“Gee willikers, sure hope somebody will show up to my launch book signing party.” Les’ cloying humility is sufficient to melt the hearts of his two groupies, who, heads tilted, gaze at him in adoration. Silly Les. Even now, they are lining up around the block to pay tribute to Westview’s answer to George Bailey, “the richest man in town”. Wait until the folks learn that they have to buy a book and a large pizza in order to meet the Delicate Genius.
Mercy-Les
It says more about Les than it does about Cayla and Susan: if he was really worth hooking up with, they’d be catfighting to the death to be by his side. Instead, each is content to let the other hang around as they take turns lathering his massive (and massively undeserved) ego.
I, for one, would be delighted to witness a “Spinal Tap moment” at this book signing. Not only was Spinal Tap a hilarious movie, it totally took the piss out of self-important artistés such as this “author”
The Mourning Show
“Where’s the blurb whore?” “Oh, he’s out getting his feelings hurt some more,” answers Annie, clicking open her cigarette case. Poor Les: how can the rest of the world not feel his pain as he does? “My book, madame, is not a thing to be skimmed while driving!”
In the Funkiverse, where literary agents double as publicists, local tv presenters also direct their own shows: “O.K., I think we’re all set…when the red light comes on, look sad. Instead of looking like a smug douchebag. In five…four…three…”
Son of Stuck Funky 