character analysis – Page 2 – Son of Stuck Funky

Rock Bottom Remainders

And the winner of the Crankshaft punchline contest is….

Duck of Death with “God damn that bitch! I ordered stones!”

Ducky! Please come up to accept your prize! I know it’s half-assed and terrible looking. But so is Crankshaft these days.

(*I was going for Yamcha and ended up with crouching Gollum, but you work with what you got.*)

“I Think My Water Just Broke!”

Hello beady eyed nitpickers of all ages! I hope you’re all ready for this, because today, we reach the end of John Howard’s appearances in Act II of Funky Winkerbean. It’s December 2006, Lisa’s Story is in full swing, and as if impending cancer death wasn’t melodrama enough, Batiuk also has Becky Winkerbean heavily pregnant while her husband, Wally, is stationed in Iraq.

*Why does Donna look so sinister in the last panel? Has she moved from scrapbooking to murder?*

At this time Becky and Wally are the serfs inhabiting the apartment above Montoni’s. And let that sink in for a moment. That Wally Winkerbean moved into that apartment twice, with a different woman each time.

Tribulations and Trials

DCH John Howard is charged with heinous comics crimes! CBH is on the case! I am highly qualified to provide legal commentary and counsel on this fictional court room drama. Below, a list of my qualifications.

1.) My friend is a lawyer.

2.) I have a working internet connection, and am not afraid of the CIA seeing my search history.

3.) My mom has 60% of the OJ Simpson Trial recorded on VHS.

4.) I once got two speeding tickets in one week.

So I am READY. I am KNOWLEDGEABLE.

Let me flash some of that sweet sweet knowledge!

In Defense of The Slimy Classics.

John Howard has been arrested for ANIME CRIMES!!!

*Seen here! Artist’s rendition of the scene!*

Morally Bankrupt

I just know that when I’m on my deathbed, I’ll be lamenting that portion of my lifetime that I spent contemplating Funky Winkerbean.
TF Hackett, April 12, 2023.